Not Perfect(80)

Huh. Her first thought was that she didn’t want it; she had to put all her energy into the kids. Her second thought was that she wanted it! It would give her money and more freedom. She’d call him back later to accept the job.

The next call was from Rabbi Rosen saying he heard about Levi and would stop by later that day. Tabitha wondered how he heard. Maybe Rachel called him. The fourth was from the kids’ pediatrician.

“Hello, it’s Dr. Randall. Please call me back.”

And finally, it was Toby again.

“So, I’m thinking it was nice while it lasted, right? It was like a fantasy. But now it’s probably over. I am releasing you. Go forth and be happy. Sorry again about the hotel. Not about our time there, that was spectacular, but I’m sorry if that was too much, if that made you not want to do this. Bye.”

She looked around for a place to sit. She felt so sad suddenly, that it was almost hard to stand up. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, the hotel was great. Those two hours were the best hours she’d had in so long. She couldn’t call him back because she had been stealing from—she could barely bring herself to even think the words, there was no way she could ever speak them out loud—but she forced herself to say the whole sentence in her mind: she had been stealing from his mother! And sneaking in and trespassing when she had no business there. She was a bad person. He was better off without her. She stood again and dialed Dr. Randall. She waited to be put through, she assumed he was calling about Levi.

“Tabitha,” he said. “I’m glad to connect with you.”

“We’re at the hospital,” she said. “Levi is doing a little better.”

“Levi?”

“Isn’t that who you are calling about?”

“No, I’m calling about Fern. All her tests are back. Listen, this is really a diagnosis of exclusion, but I feel comfortable at this point to say she has conversion disorder. It should go away on its own, and I think it was brought on by stress. This can happen when people are under intense amounts of distress. Has that been the case for Fern at all lately? Is there any reason she has been anxious lately?”

“You could say that,” Tabitha said, as the relief spread through her body. She was surprised at her relief, because Fern’s distress was exactly what she was so afraid of. Clearly, Tabitha couldn’t shield her, and Fern had been upset all along. But it wasn’t a tumor, and it wasn’t some awful disease. It should go away on its own! She wanted to jump up and down. She wanted to hug the doctor walking by. She wanted to celebrate with Fern.

“Thank you so much doctor,” she said.

“I’m sorry we don’t have a more definitive answer,” he said. “But I am sure I’m right about this. I’ve seen it before.”

“I’m so glad you don’t have a more definitive answer,” Tabitha said. “This is the best thing I could have hoped for.”

“I think some therapy might be in order; maybe getting to the root of her stress and giving her some tools to help her deal with it better is the best place to start. And if the pain doesn’t resolve itself soon, let’s talk about setting up a little physical therapy for her, too. In the meantime, let me know if there’s anything more you need,” he said, and Tabitha sighed and told him about Levi.



Rabbi Rosen came around three, and, as usual, his presence was calming.

“Well, Levi my boy, I am certainly glad to see you,” he said, pulling the chair close to his bed. “You don’t look nearly as bad as I thought you might. Thank you for calling me.”

That explained how he found out, it wasn’t Rachel after all. In the farthest reaches of things Tabitha would expect to happen in the world, having Levi call the rabbi would not appear anywhere. She was dumbfounded. She watched as Levi tried to smile, but Tabitha could tell it hurt.

“So, I’m not going to stay long. I just wanted to say hello and see for myself how you’re doing,” he said. “And to ask you to think about our plan for the bar mitzvah. You can take a little time to decide, but it is less than a month away. I think, given the circumstances, we should keep it as simple as possible. Just what we talked about, maybe on an even smaller scale.”

He looked at Tabitha. “Does that sound good?”

She nodded. “Yes,” she said. “I think if we do it, we’ll just have a small lunch after. I don’t think I’m going to invite anyone beyond a few friends.”

“Whatever you decide, I fully support you,” the rabbi said.

Tabitha listened while they talked about television shows and what Levi would eat when he could eat everything again, and then the rabbi patted Levi gently on the arm and stood up.

“Is there anything I can do for you before I go, Levi?” he asked.

“Not that I can think of,” Levi croaked out.

“Take care, both of you,” he said, turning to leave.

“Thanks for coming,” Levi said. “And I do want to. Have my scaled down bar mitzvah, I mean. I really want to.”

Rabbi Rosen turned back toward him.

“Great!” he said. “That’s great news. It will be a memorable day. I’m honored to be a part of it.”

Tabitha walked Rabbi Rosen to the elevators.

“How are you holding up?” he asked. “Things were rough enough and now this. I am just so glad he is on the mend.”