Not Perfect(85)

So Stuart plugged in his phone and let it charge. It wasn’t too long after that that Fern called. He could barely stand to hear her voice—he was going to cry, so he rushed her. And then he wished he could get her back. Weeks later, one of Abigail’s cousins came by, reclaiming the cabin, and thinking he was a squatter—it was such a mess inside he could see why the woman thought that. There was talk of calling the police, but he said there was no need, he would be out by the next morning. That’s when he left the cabin and moved into the Hampton Inn, using the last credit card that he had that was not maxed out or canceled, and charged his phone and sat looking out the window at Lake Superior, wondering if he dared go out there. He could see all his missed calls and texts, but by then they seemed beside the point. And Fern called again, that time with Levi. Stuart hadn’t expected to feel what he felt. It was awful, he had let them down, and there was never, ever going to be a way to make it up to them, to take away what he had done. He missed Abigail desperately, and knew he would never stop thinking about the time they lost, the time that was wasted. He was so alone.

Was it worth it? He would have to say it was, despite the absolute hopelessness he felt now. He loved Abigail as much those last few weeks as he ever had. He could never go back to Tabitha, not like that. But he wanted to see the kids, those wonderful kids, and he wanted to see Levi become a bar mitzvah. He picked up the phone and called the airline. He would fly in for the big event. After that, well, then he might just let it all go.



When Tabitha got home, the TV was still on. Levi had dozed off and was leaning on Fern’s shoulder. Fern was staring straight ahead, like he wasn’t even there. Tabitha noticed that the house phone was on the coffee table in front of them.

“Did someone call?” she asked quietly. Levi was still on an assortment of different medications, and they made him tired, so finding him in this state wasn’t surprising.

“What? Why?” Fern asked.

“No reason,” Tabitha said. “Just that the phone is there, I wondered if it rang.”

“Levi was going to order a pizza,” Fern said quickly. “Then he remembered that we don’t have any money.”

“Oh,” Tabitha said.

The intercom buzzed, and they both froze, then Tabitha went to it.

“Hi! It’s Tabitha.” She never knew what to say to the buzzer.

“It’s Ron,” the doorman said. “You have a guest. A male.”

“A male?” Tabitha repeated, dumbly.

“Yes,” Ron said.

“Does the male have a name?”

“Oh, let me ask,” Ron said, and Tabitha rolled her eyes. She hadn’t had a guest other than Rachel or responded to the buzzer in so long, it had thrown them all off. She had the well-formed thought that it would be a relief to not live in this building anymore. As nice as it was, something a little simpler might be even nicer.

Ron was back. “Yes, the male’s name is Toby.”

Tabitha wondered if Toby could hear the doorman talking. She decided that she didn’t care. She also didn’t care anymore that there was only that one working light bulb in the kitchen, she hadn’t gotten around to replacing the bulbs yet, or that she had absolutely nothing to offer him except for ice water.

“Okay,” Tabitha said. “Send him up.”

She went to the front door and opened it. She didn’t realize how much she wanted this, she didn’t let herself even think this was a possibility. But still, maybe he was coming to tell her she was a thief and he wanted nothing to do with her. Or maybe he was coming to take back the money—which technically she could give to him, it was in her room. The elevator dinged and opened. He was the only one in it, and he hesitated for a second before stepping out into the hall.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

“I followed you,” he said.

“Oh.”

“For some reason, I didn’t expect this, though,” he said, waving his arms around. “Fancy.”

“Yes, well, looks can be deceiving,” she said. “Come on in.”

He followed her into the dark foyer, where she did not turn on a light because it wouldn’t work even if she did. They walked by the living room, where Fern was still watching TV and Levi was still sleeping. Fern had turned as far around as she could without disturbing Levi, but when she saw Toby, a stranger, she just shrugged and faced forward again. Maybe she thought he was a maintenance person or something. Tabitha led Toby into the dark kitchen. She flicked a switch, and the one bulb illuminated. She did not apologize for it. She opened the fridge and made sure he could see how empty it was.

“Do you want some water?” she asked. “It’s all we have.”

“Look, Tabitha, I didn’t come here for a drink,” he said. “I want to talk to you.”

“I know, what I did is bad,” she said. “Believe me, I know it.”

“That isn’t even what I came here to talk about,” he said. “Well it is, but it also isn’t. Yes, it’s bad that you stole from an old lady, but the honest truth is she left it there for you to steal. You didn’t take her wallet, or weasel her PIN number away from her. You took the money she put in front of you. This has been an ongoing battle I have had with her for years. Would I rather she saved the money for herself and eventually give it to Tara? Of course I would. But the truth is, she has plenty, enough to leave a nice amount to Tara and give some away. She thinks everyone is suffering, and she wants to be the one to help. You know how little girls want to be princesses? Well, my mother wants to be a fairy godmother. It is her fantasy, and if she can do it, I guess she should do it. The fact that you became involved, that you went to her apartment under those false pretenses and met her in the first place, well, that’s just bizarre. But none of that is why I followed you home.”