Munmun(68)

“Fascinating, I’m all ears, please explain,” chirped Prayer.

“Lol, what,” said Markfive. “Do you seriously want me to talk about ocean sewage while you’re eating.”

“I’m dead serious, my appetite for knowledge is completely limitless,” Prayer told him. “Literally at any hour of the day, in any situation, I am ready to learn exciting facts!”

Both Markfive and Lily thought this was hilarious.

“Will you get a load of this sweet crazy gogetter,” cried Lily.

Meanwhile Kitty walked me around introducing me to rich randos, now I understand why she was so eager to come to a terrible party.

“Warner let me introduce you to Shell and her husband Shelving, patrons of music and worthycauses and additionally they own Speedy Hospital. Shell and Shelving please meet Warner, he’s the totalrockstar of the pilot program my dad Hue and I have created, the goal is for riches to host littlepoors of particular promise, the program loans them scale munmun and gives a modest allowance and these littles can experience life at halfscale, go to real schools, get real jobs, begin to lift their families out of terrible poorness,” explained Kitty, eyes shining like crazy, impossible for you not to get a little weepy seeing the dogood passion of this righteous girl.

“Maybe the program can teach them about disease and hygiene too,” Shelving said.

“Oh absolutely,” said Kitty.

“Inconsistent medhabits are responsible for medproof germs, and that’s byfar the greatest problem we face as a species, believe me, if we all die because of the carelessness of littles it would be a great shame,” Shelving told us.

“A whole wing of the program could deal with littlehealth,” Kitty realized, “what a great way to address this problem, you could endow the Shell and Shelving Littlehealth Coordinator position!”

“Hmmm,” said Shelving, giving a thoughtfullnod of, How about I endow your program with thoughtfullnodding instead of actual munmuns.

We were all quiet.

“Well, we’ll be tracking this program with great intrest, and ofcourse if the results are good, we’d be happy to discuss being part of it,” said Shell finally.

“Certainly not on the hosting side, I do not relish the possibility of coexisting with a vector of deadly medproof germs, now young man, can you tell me what immunizations you’ve received to date,” Shelving asked me.

“He’s all caught up,” said Kitty quickly, hustling me away to the next old bigs.

Meanwhile a bigdinner was prepped out on the beach, separate from our middledinner.

We muttered and tried not to stare as Mark strode in from the water, lowered himself onto the sand next to the firepits. Giant silhouettes appeared up the beach meanwhile, a few neighbor bigs ambling down from their palaces, four men and one woman, staffs zipping around beneath their feet on ayteevees.

Prettysoon us middles were sitting around Mark and his neighbors on the sand like we were a concertaudience, watching and murmuring as the bigs devoured roasted sharks and buffaloes, glugging and swishing from wiskybarrels.

“MARK,” boomed one bigneighbor at Speech Time, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY MAN, I ADMIRE YOU, A SIMPLEGUY WITH SIMPLETASTES. THE SON OF POTATO FARMERS ON GOVERNMENT MIDDLESCALE, LOOK AT YOU NOW, A SELFMADE MAN EATING A WHOLE AQUARIUM OF SHARKS. THE LORD KING GOD IS TRULY GOOD TO THOSE WHO WORK HARD AND DREAM BIG.”

“The Yewess government loans scale munmuns to farmers because they farm better with bigger bodies, that’s what he means by government middlescale,” whispered Kitty to me.

“SOME WILL SAY MARK’S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IS HIS DRUGEMPIRE,” thundered another neighbor, the smallest but still atleast tenscale, “OTHERS WILL SAY IT’S WHEN HE RENTED THE NEWS FOR A YEAR AND PUT AN ORANGE BACK IN THE WHITEHOUSE. BUT IF YOU ASK ME, MARK’S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IS, HE PUT TWELVE DIFFERENT BABIES IN ELEVEN DIFFERENT BEAUTIFULL WOMEN AND NEVER GOT TRICKED INTO MARRYING A SINGLE ONE. I MEAN LOOK AT THESE FINE LITTLE HONEYS. WELL SOME OF THEM YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER, I GUESS MOST OF THEM, BUT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, EVERY SINGLE ONE WAS A KNOCKOUT, ANYWAY GREATJOB AND HERE’S TO MARK.”

“JOHN,” said this guy’s bigwife. “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“OBVIOUSLY I’M JUST KIDDING,” said John.

“MARK, HAPPY BIRTHDAY,” speeched a third big, the oldest. “ENJOY THESE TIMES AND I URGE YOU NOT TO BECOME CARELESS. YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY WOULDBE TRAITORS, HAVE NODOUBT ABOUT THAT. YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR STAFF, ALL ARE SNAKES WHO WOULD BETRAY YOU AT THE DROP OF A HAT. THAT’S HOW IT IS WITH ME, SNAKES EVERYWHERE I LOOK. NO, I WANT THEM TO HEAR ME SAY IT. WHERE IS MY CHIEF OF STAFF? HE IS THE MOST VENOMOUS SNAKE OF ALL. WARREN, YOU JEWDISS, YOU CAN’T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE.”

“I’m looking you in the eye right now, sir, I would never betray you,” yelled poor Warren, opening his eyes as wide as possible, also pointing at them with his fingers.

“LIAR,” trumped the old guy, jaw quivering, losing foodjuice and blood back out of his mouth and onto his shirt.

“BILL, CAN YOU NOT DO THIS AT MY BIRTHDAYPARTY,” asked Mark.

“WARREN LIES LIKE A DOG, BUT I WILL OUTLIVE HIM AND WHATSMORE I WILL OUTLIVE ALL OF YOU, EVERY LAST ONE,” said Bill, “I KNOW PERFECTLYWELL YOU ALL THINK I AM WEAK AND CLOSE TO DEATH, BUT I HAVE MANY GALLONS OF FRESH YOUNG BLOOD SIPHONED INTO MY VEINS EVERY MORNING, INFACT WHY DON’T I SHOW YOU JUST HOW WEAK I AM.”