Munmun(73)

“I need the gun right now though is the thing,” I explained.

“For an extra twohunmun we can make you a Priority Gunman, that means we waive the backgroundcheck, also we put you on a newsletter of great future deals,” offered the salesfriend.

That sounded great, unfortunately when we checked my card there wasn’t an extra twohundo in my munflow account, infact there was zero muns.

“No worries, can I apply for Mun World Credit please,” I asked, trying to be smooth.

“The system says before you make any purchases, you need to resolve your balance with Fresh But Chill,” frowned the salesfriend.

“How about I just get a knife, no gun, cheap little knife,” I pleaded, but once he saw my munflow balance the salesfriend knew he could be a peen to me.

In Highend Halfscale Fashion I begged Lease and Jeans for mercy, noluck.

“Fresh But Chill needs you to make a goodfaith effort to begin to pay them back, unfortunately that means either getting munmun from somewhere else or losing a little scale,” disgusted Lease told me.

“Meanwhile can you please leave our store until you resolve this embarrassing situation, I mean it’s a little gross for someone so poor to be in Highend Halfscale, wouldn’t you agree,” sniffed Jeans.

Outside of Mun World I paced furiously, racking my brains, where do I get a halfgun, maybe break the emergency gunbox at Eat Votech, or should I just ask Markfive for a knife, use it as a sword.

Then some hissings from near my feet got my attention.

It was two grungy tatty littlepoors, a guy and girl.

He clutched the Pocketpitbull still in its shrinkwrap, she waved a packet of bullets at me, on the grass next to them lay a handbomb just for kicks.

“Happy birthday,” yelled the guy.

“Thanks for saving us from that freaking cat,” yelled the girl.

Step Two, I found Fillup in Drivy Garage, the former faceboy with the bullfists, thankgod Drivy Track makes kids get up super early.

“Fillup, you said you’d have my back, well the time has come, I need to find Shoulderheads,” I told him.

“Hmm, I’m recommending you don’t find Shoulderheads,” advised Fillup.

I showed him my gun, also my bomb.

“Dang,” said Fillup.

“Guns and bombs must be concealed, please,” loudly reminded Drivy Teacher.

“How about you get some drivy practice and drive me to Shoulderheads,” I suggested.

“I don’t even know where he lives,” protested Fillup.

“Actually what I need to know is where faceboys are prisoning my friend,” I said. “I think it’s on the Sand Dreamough reservewar.”

“Ohsnap,” said Fillup. “The Sitadell.”

The Sitadell was just a boring warehouse, crouching behind a dense halfscale neighborhood for blocks and blocks with no doubleroads.

So no access for Markfive’s doublecar, he had to park twomiles away and wait.

“I’ll be out soon, dave, don’t worry, I’ll sprint,” I promised him, kissed fists, hopped into Fillup’s little clanker.

Fillup drove me close to the boring warehouse, never would have guessed it was a faceboy hangout, except I guess for the trendy doorsign of FACEBOY INDUSTRIES.

“It’s a multiuse squadspace, great for prisoning, cook drugs, repair vehicles, you get the idea,” Fillup explained.

“Well great, hey, got any desire to give me some backup, maybe atleast wait around the corner and drive getaway,” I asked him.

“Oh heckno,” he said, oneeightying outofthere, kid can drive allright.

Okay, Warner, let’s rescue Usher completely alone with no backup at all, hmmm, how are we going to do this.

I did some medium creeping and strolling around the Sitadell, trying to stay out of sight, look for ways in. Frontdoors, fireescapes, loadingdocks, windows.

Faceboy gunmen chilled on the roof and peered at me a little curious, a little bored.

Okay, brain, I thought to my brain. I’m going to need a clever plan out of you soon, otherwise it’s another episode of Smashandgrab With Your Host, Dumb Warner.

Okay okay, said my brain. Let’s see. Give me a minute here.

Do you want some help, I thought to the brain.

Just give me a second please, said my brain.

Okay but one thing I was realizing is, you got a bunch of math in there, what if you made a plan out of all that math, I thought to the brain.

Can you just shut up for even a second, said my brain.

Sure sure, just trying to help, I thought.

Great, stop thinking so I can think, said my brain.

Wait how do I stop thinking and let you think, I mean I’m basically you, I realized.

We went like that for a while, eventually got to a pretty dumb combo of smashandgrab with three small clevernesses.

First Small Cleverness, disguise yourself. Take off your shirt, tie it around your hair like a goofball, get some smudgy coal, and draw a stupid face on your chest, then atleast from faraway you’ll look like a faceboy, maybe closeup too if everyone’s distracted by the crazy mayhem from Second Small Cleverness.

Second Small Cleverness, create the crazy mayhem in the opposite place of where you actually want to be, eye ee, toss a bomb at the loadingdock in front but meanwhile run up the fireescape out back on the reservewar side.

Because Third Small Cleverness, reservewar side is where you want to go, remember the view from the dream, Usher’s in a room with a window looking out onto the big driedup dustbowl.