Munmun(65)

“Okay,” I said. “Okay. Yes. Okay.”

He gave me that sad smile again, I was getting to know it pretty well bynow.

“But,” I said, “here’s how to get your tenbillion, you got threemillion Lossy Indicans above middlescale, maybe just ask them for fourthousand each, sure it’s not nothing, a little taxhike forsure, but not even onepercent of their scale account. Here’s your slogan, Lose An Inch, Save A Life, I mean who’s the psycho who doesn’t want to be a lifesaver.”

“Sure,” agreed Hue, “and let me tell you what will happen if I do that, if I announce this plan today, tomorrow my Orange enemies make some vids called WHERE WILL IT END??, today Hue asks for an inch of your height for giveaways to littles who refuse to earn a bigger scale the honest way, and Warner ofcourse that’s their words, not mine, but that’s what they’ll say, they’ll say today Hue wants an inch for minmun, tomorrow Hue will take another inch to pay for littleroads you won’t use, the day after that Hue needs three of your inches to build littleschools your kids won’t attend, it’s never going to end. So vote Orange and keep your scale and your nice life.”

He watched me plan out my response, he’s played this chessgame tons of times and I’m a beginner.

“But there are more littles than bigs,” I said. “So you could still get enough votes to beat those evil lying Oranges.”

“Except littles don’t vote as much as bigs do,” said Hue.

“Make them vote,” I said.

“Believe me, we try,” said Hue.

“Okay, then only take munmuns from the super big,” I said, getting desperate. “Take away a foot from everyone threescale or taller, I mean that’s got to be tons of munmun and who cares if you’re already twentyfeet?”

“Sure, and if that’s your plan, let me ask you something,” said Hue. “Have you ever been to Balustrade?”

I shook my head.

“None of the homes there are attached to the ground,” said Hue.

He gave me a silence to solve the riddle in, but it didn’t seem like a riddle, more of a hilarious screwup by crazy riches, homes sliding around like wild, who even knows what those giant brains are thinking.

“Gotta be honest, that sounds a little dangerous and stupid,” I said.

“Ha, ha, ha,” laughed Hue. “I can assure you, those houses are the safest in the world. No, it’s for a very specific reason. The gianthomes in Balustrade can be slipped onto trucks and barges at anytime. Now, why do you think that is?”

I had no idea.

“Here’s why,” said Hue. “If the city of Balustrade jacks up richtaxes, or the county of Lossy Indica jacks up richtaxes, honestly even if a nearby cityboss like me goes a month without making a loud declaration of eternal love for our brilliant generous jobcreating riches, the bigs of Balustrade can leave. They can leave in the middle of the night if they want. They can load up their homes and belongings and in the morning they’re all in another town, another state, another country, where taxes are lower and politicians are nicer.”

Hue was realtalking me now forsure, real Hue was telling me his real truths and fears, no games or politeness and it shut me up.

“And really there’s nowhere they can’t go,” Hue told me, “because there’s nowhere in the world that wouldn’t kill to have the bigs of Balustrade. There’s no investmentgroup that wouldn’t do awfull unspeakable things to play with their hunbillions of munmuns. There’s no localeconomy that wouldn’t burn everything to the ground and convert immediately to big richservices. Nothing’s better for jobs than having bigriches around. Agriculture, struction, younameit. Think about the superflora and superfauna they have to eat. Think about their enormous luxurious clothes. Think about how huge their staffsalaries are to pay the middleriches who have to cook, serve, groom and launder, drive and pilot.

“So a higher minmun would ofcourse be great and humane,” Hue finished. “But if we raise minmun here in Lossy Indica and it spooks the bigs into leaving Balustrade, then we lose jobs, then we lose munmuns, then prettysoon we have to give up on higher minmun anyway, plus the county is doomed now.”

“Okay okay,” I said. “Okay okay okay.”

“But it’s good you’re thinking about this stuff, and please let me know if you have more ideas, newideas are always welcome,” he winked, and went back to work as the cleaningcars whirred past in the hall.





LIFEANDDEATHWORLD


Not even two weeks later, Markfive took me to Balustrade, I got to see for myself those wild wanderpalaces.

It started with Markfive trying to lowkey date Daisy.

“It’s my stupid dad’s birthday, I have to go and man I’m going to hate it, hey do you byanychance feel like suffering a bigrich party with me,” Markfive asked Daisy all smooth.

“Nope, sounds terrible,” said Daisy.

“I’ll go,” offered Kitty.

“I mean, it’s not terrible, like it is always intresting atleast to see Balustrade, like in a sick perverted sense,” said Markfive.

“Unfortunately I’m not a sick pervert,” said Daisy.

“Lol,” admitted Markfive.

“I would like to go,” reminded Kitty.