Munmun(61)

But don’t fret, this project is going to go way better, Warner I know you feel like you’re not learning fast enough but druggy tweaky Markfive has a secret weapon for you, you’ll never guess what it is, oh wait actually it’s super easy to guess, the secret weapon is a bunch of drugs.

“I’m on studydrugs now everyday, couldn’t function without tobehonest,” he admitted.

“How much do I take,” I asked, cradling the giant studypill.

“Let’s try thismuch,” he guessed, shaving off a sliver.

I ate the sliver, he gulped the pill, that thing kicked in prettyquick, bop bang broom, it’s mathtime.

Math math math, let’s bury ourselves in these cozy problems, unsatisfiable hunger for tasty math, everyone’s invited to this party in the mathzone, holycrap it’s dinnertime, we didn’t even have lunch.

Nextday we did it again, dayafterthat, dayafterthat, life became a blur of math and facts.

Good side of the studydrugs, I was learning math pretty fast, the room of my brain had scaled up, no longer cluttery and clattery like a middlepoor pawnshop. Instead it was a smooth roomy chamber like in the bank with clever sliding shelves and drawers. Every new thing Markfive showed me, I could find an empty shelf to put it in, clearly labeled, squaredaway, pieceofcake to go back and find it later.

Bad side of the studydrugs, my entire body was tense constantly, my eyes forgot to blink and dried out, my fingers unjointed themselves, craploads of sweating and some vomming in there too, drymouth, itchyhair, couldn’t stop humming and growling.

“Markfive, I worry a little that the studydrugs are making my body weird,” I told him after a week.

“Lol yeah, I noticed you were tweaking,” he said. “You just need to take the edge off, the thing that works for me is fakeweeds, why don’t I give you a little.”

So at the end of the sesh he vaped some fakeweeds, a rotting golden skunksyrup, then I breathed the steam until my body relaxed.

Good side of fakeweeds, definitely my body stopped clenching, throat stopped humming and growling, skin stopped itching and sweating too, infact my skin prettymuch lost its feeling completely.

Bad side of fakeweeds, a complete new personality entered my skull, a guy who’s terrified of everything and imagines disasters constantly.

Here is a typical fakeweed adventure, Step One, Brand offers to show me a wrestling vid and immediately a weedy fear seizes me. I’m afraid to watch, whoknows why, ohwait actually it’s obvious, drugs have made me afraid of everything. But most of all I’m afraid to tell Brand the fakeweeds have made me afraid, so I just nod my head because also I am afraid to talk because if I say anything he’ll hear my terrified voice.

So we watch, is it another Cram Jam, nope, instead it’s the Eighteenth Wrestling Worldwar, every wrestler pretends to be a country, dyes his face, wears illaborate insulting costumes, yells in a fake language, stomps around invading territories. The goal is take over countries by throwing guys into the Ocean Pond, a lot of these guys can’t swim either.

So Brand and I are watching Frants sprint into Ejipped, Frants wraps an accordion around Ejipped’s head and smacks him with a long breadbat, Ejipped yells for help from his best friend, Ironne, but Ironne starts smirking and laughing like a psycho, ohno, Ironne has a secret friendship with Frants and now Frants and Ironne are teaming up to whirl Ejipped around in a circle and then fling him into the pond.

Meanwhile here are my specific insane frightened thoughts when I watch this, ohno, is Brand showing me this because he is trying to tell me something, a message so awfull he cannot put it into words and instead must show me this vid, it must be the message of, “you are Ejipped and I am Ironne, you think I am your friend but secretly I am friends with your enemy Frants, soon we will choke and drown you.”

Thanks for that, moron brain, well I guess the nextstep has to be, turn my eyes to Brand without moving my head, make sure his eyes are on the vid and not me, and with incredible terrified slowness begin to creep away, hope he doesn’t notice and thankgod he doesn’t, he’s staring at the evil vid and gurgling chuckles, he’ll never expect that I have shrunk down onto the floor like an animal, it’s my only hope of escape.

Then Tray ambles up to us and says, “Warner, why are you slinking around on the floor and sideeyeing Brand like a lunatic,” immediately I panic and sprint out of the school and into Mun World and spend the next three hours hiding in the section of Synthetic Trees.

That I would say was pretty typical for fakeweeds.

Finally one morning I whispered to Markfive, hey, I’m a little worried these fakeweeds have replaced my personality with the one of a frightened idiot.

“Lol, that sounds rough forsure and I totally get it,” said Markfive, “soundslike you could use some anxmeds, I’m prescribed two a day because I have anxiety, just naturally though, I mean not from the fakeweeds or anything, fakeweed doesn’t affect me like that, I’ve run a ton of experiments on myself.”

And he opened a pillcap, I pinched a little powder out and mixed it into a drink.

Good side of anxmeds, I was no longer terrified, the heart stopped racing, the world was no longer full of people who want to kill me, infact I was pretty sure everyone was excited to hear what I had to say allthetime, also everyone admired the dancemoves that I perform now at regular intervals.

Bad side, this daily combo of studydrugs fakeweeds anxmeds turned me a littlebit into Markfive.