Munmun(58)

He wasn’t even suspicious of me, instead turned his whiskery jerkface to me and yowled frantically, Warner please help me kill these humans before they get away.

“Sure I’ll help you, asshole,” I told him, swiping in and grabbing his underarms.

Rightaway this frisky guy scrabbled around like a maniac, screamed and hissed and revealed his true demonself, but guesswhat, peenhead, you don’t bully me now, I bully you. I held him at armslength, he got a few scrapes in forsure, but today Warner is way stronger than a cat, what a feeling.

But you can’t just carry a cat out of Mun World without the doorstaff noticing.

“Honored customer, can I see your receipt for the cat,” said storepet Miles, the walking talking vidscreen who has to shimmy while talking to you.

“Didn’t buy him, just found him creeping around, gotta be a publichealth issue forsure,” I said.

“Well thank you beloved shopper, you know everything you need is right here in Mun World, that includes our petshop that he must have escaped from, so, why don’t you take him back,” said moonwalking Miles.

I looked at the cat, panicking and thrashing. I thought about buying him and drowning him, or what if you just ripped his claws out onebyone and then dumped him in the street, goodluck, asshole, how about you quit killing and eat garbage like the rest of us.

But my stupid heart wouldn’t let me kill or cripple even a murderer psychopath cat.

“Could you maybe take him back,” I asked.

“Please help me, man, we’re understaffed,” said the poor exhausted dancer inside the milessuit, still boogieing.

“Thanks for the help, just drop him in that tank over there,” said the stressedout petshop captain, under attack from mangy parrots.

I plunked this cat in a crappy tank.

“Mickdonalds, you gotta stop escaping, what are we going to do with you,” said the petshop captain.

I felt happy that Mickdonalds atleast has to live in a crappy catjail, then I felt a little sad, nowonder the poor stupid jerk is evil, jail made him crazy just like me, then I realized, Warner, don’t get soft, all cats are evil, the foodchain made them that way.

On my way out I spotted them, the two tatty littles I saved from the cat, a guy and a girl sneaking deodorants into a hole.

They spotted me and kissed fists gratefully, thanks for saving us, nice giant.

I kissed fists back and began to feel not horrible, might not be Mathy but atleast I’m bigenough to repress a cat.





DREAMWORLD


Hue Office was on the topfloor of Hue Family Palace, took me a while to get up there. As I climbed a hundred halfsteps I could hear his smooth boom.

“But you have to remember it’s not a bad thing for an experiment to fail, kittycat,” I heard him say, “the point of an experiment is not to succeed, the point is for you to learn from it. So if we all learn from this, then this can still have been quite a good thing.”

Then he noticed me in his doorway and got very silent in the way of, incase you haven’t figured it out, I am talking about you.

“Warner’s here, gottago, I love you,” he said into his headset and tapped off.

“Hue, firstofall pardon the interruption, if I can have two moments of your time that would be great, obviously though I can come back later,” I offered.

“No, ofcourse, please sit,” he murmured, and watched with kind somberness as my halfchair pulleyed to his eyelevel.

On the walls around us were vidscreens going twentyfourseven, localnews and saddlelight feeds and the tabletops of his campainteam, you could see them edit his speechclips in realtime.

“Not sure if you got the retrack results from Eat Votech,” I began, he nodded regretfully, I did, I did.

“Hue, with politeness and respect, I’ll realtalk you for a second,” I said. “I know I haven’t been exactly killing it so far, dropping out of a nice middlerich academy, going missing one night to smoke drugs, now failing Mathy Retrack like a dumb jock. Bottomline, I know I’m not the kid you wish I was.”

Hue smiled sadly.

“Who do I wish you were, do you think,” he asked.

“I’ll describe that kid to you,” I answered. “He’s a completely reliable genius who just needs one chance to prove he’s a superstar, never screws up or tests your patience. And he’s got a laserfocus on success and achievements, nothing else in his life contains any importance even for a minute. He exists only to rack up points and scores, to show poors are people too.”

Hue’s grin faded a little, I don’t know if I’d put it that way, but fine.

“But Hue,” I said, “if the point of having poors in your house is to tell beautifull campainstories, how about this story, Hue rescued two kids from misery and death, they weren’t geniuses but guesswhat, that’s fine, they still deserve a nice life, nongenius poors are also worth rescuing.”

Hue put a finger in his ear suddenly, glanced at a screen and grimaced, murmured, “Shoot, Warner, give me a moment,” swiveled to a camera and announced sternly, “Thankyou for having me, Violet, needless to say I completely reject my opponent’s taunts and bullying, if anything he is the one with the bonerdisease, you can tell because he brought it up.”

He flashed a moviestar smile, tapped his ear, turned back to me, resumed solemn gentleness.