Leaving Amarillo(27)

Turning around slowly, I see him coming toward me with an amused smile on his lips. My heart sings.

“You really think Dallas would let you loose out here without a chaperone?”

I smirk because we both know he wouldn’t.

“Ah. So you do know how to manipulate men after all. And here I thought innocence was part of your charm.”

“Maybe I did learn something in college after all. How about that.”

He grins and shakes his head. My fingers twitch at my sides, aching to reach up and plow through his hair, bringing his lips back to mine, where they belong.

“So . . .” Gavin says softly, jamming his hands into his pockets as we walk farther into the crush of the crowd.

“So,” I repeat.

“We should probably talk, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Jesus, Dixie.” He huffs out an annoyed breath. “You a mockingbird now?”

“You kissed me, Gavin. Mr. I-Will-Never-Touch-You. Guess that plan is pretty much shot to hell. So now what?”

“I think I preferred it when you were just repeating what I said.”

Leaning gently against him, I nudge his shoulder with mine. That kiss has opened a door, a door to a place where I’m allowed to touch him. It’s delicious and reckless and I can’t get enough.

“Are you going to tell me why?”

“Why what?” He arches a curious brow at me but he’s frowning.

“Why you changed your mind. About me. About kissing. About us.”

The lights from the bars are bright all around us as we make our way through the crowded street, but as I wait for his answer, we might as well be alone in stark darkness.

“I didn’t change my mind exactly.”

Oh God. My heart sinks into the hollow pit that is my stomach.

“Okay,” I say slowly, dragging out my response to give myself time between his verbal blows. “So what then? You slipped and fell on my mouth? Just before accidentally picking me up and ramming me into a building while you—”

“Enough.” Gavin stops abruptly and faces me. He’s a burning man, lit up from the inside out and glaring at me with a look of sheer warning. I’d back up for my own safety but apparently I don’t much value self-preservation. “That’s enough,” he says, appearing mildly calmer than before. “It was a mistake. Like I told you before, there are moments when things between us get . . . difficult to control. This time I screwed up and gave in, that’s all. It won’t happen again.”

The noise that escapes me sounds like laughter, but I imagine this is how a house pet must feel when kicked unexpectedly.

“You know what, Gavin? If that’s true, then I’m just disappointed. When did you turn into this guy?” I keep walking as if I’m completely unconcerned with whether or not he’s following.

“What are you talking about? What guy?” He’s beside me again, easily keeping my pace.

“The one who lies—to me and to himself. The one who apologizes like a damn coward for finally taking something he wanted. Something that he knows he enjoyed.”

He opens his mouth to argue but I put my hand up.

“Ugh. Don’t bother. Guess I misjudged you. I’ll just take my one hot kiss, hold the lame-ass apology and bullshit, please.”

My view of Sixth Street changes abruptly. Gavin is gripping me by my shoulders and has slung me around to face him.

“What guy do you want me to be? One who lies to his best friend and screws his little sister behind his back?”

Now it’s my turn to gape with wide eyes. Once I’ve lifted my chin from the ground and regained the ability to speak, I take a deep breath and meet his penetrating glare.

“No. That’s not who I want you to be at all.” I let my hands rest on his hips and pull him in just until my chest is lightly brushing against his. “I want you to be the guy who kisses me because he wants to, because he’s can’t not kiss me for another second. I don’t want you to screw me behind Dallas’s back. I want you to spend time with me because you want to, because we have a connection that we can only deny for so long, and because the thought of never having me is more than you can stand.”

“Oh, is that all?”

I smile up at him. “Is it really that much to ask? I know we can’t jump headfirst into anything and I get that it wouldn’t be good for the band right now. But you feel it, this thing between us. I know you do because you poured it into that kiss today.”

The moment he kissed me, we were connected on a level that far surpassed the physical contact. No matter what he does or doesn’t believe himself to be capable of, I felt it, the way he gave himself over to me, every feeling that emptied out of him when that wall between us finally came down.

Our kiss gave life to an idea that I hope will work—one I have no idea how to proposition him with. My mind continues to hammer down the specifics of what I need him to agree to in order to make him see that he is capable of so much more than he is allowing himself to have.

“Dixie. Listen to me.” Gavin’s face is a hard plane of determination. “I don’t do more than one-night stands. I don’t make promises about the future and forever and all of that nonsensical bullshit because it doesn’t apply to me. I could never give anyone that.”