Leaving Amarillo(26)
When our tongues lash against one another a white-hot flash tears through my body, awakening every cell that makes up my being. A soft moan escapes my mouth and I shudder against the sheer force. The taste of him is more than I can handle while standing upright. Thank goodness he’s supporting my weight. It’s heartbreaking knowing I’ve lived my whole life without this.
A deeper cry slips from my lips, and Gavin lets go so abruptly he almost drops me on my ass. As soon as he sees I’m steady on my feet, dazed, but steady, he rakes his hands through his hair and takes a step backward. And then another. But the real distance between us, that mile-wide chasm that separates us, isn’t in that few inches, it’s in his eyes.
He’s pulling away. Already. Too soon. I take a step toward him, desperate to bring him back to me, to those few seconds of perfection that have been unquestionably the best ones of my life.
But he matches me with a step backward. Taking another one, he’s cleared a foot between us.
“Oh God. No. Dixie. Oh God. I shouldn’t have. Oh f*ck. I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t you dare.” The anger burns like acid in my chest. “Don’t you f*cking dare try and take that back, Gavin Garrison.”
His mouth opens and closes. He’s wavering between consoling me and berating himself and he’s ruining our moment.
“Don’t say anything else. Don’t apologize or make excuses. Please. Please leave it. Okay?”
I meet his tumultuous stare, and he nods. “Are you okay? I lost control and I’m so sor—” My narrowed eyes clip his apology. “Did I hurt you?”
Not yet.
I shake my head no. But we both know he’s about to destroy me, to decimate my battered heart once and for all. Because as much as I wouldn’t trade anything for that kiss, it’s worse now. I’ve had a taste, a taste of the glorious, luxurious bliss that is being kissed by him. And now all that fills my mouth is his bitter regret.
“Y’all coming, or what?” Dallas hollers, his voice alerting us that he’s approaching the open door beside us.
The smoldering stare of the man across from me lifts to my eyes and I take a soul-soothing breath. I’m okay. For now.
I don’t look at my brother as I make my way back into the warehouse and lift Oz onto my shoulder, murmuring an apology for treating him so carelessly. My tongue darts out and runs along my swollen, thoroughly kissed lips.
I’ve taken the first hit and already I’m addicted. This will have to hold me over, will have to patch the dam I nearly destroyed.
I play better than I ever have. I’m alive and on fire from the brief memory of Gavin’s mouth on mine. Dallas asks what has gotten into me and my face heats as I shrug and replay the kiss a thousand times in my mind.
I tell myself that I can do this. Can feed off this. I have to. For four more nights at least.
As for how I can survive touring with a man I love and can’t have, I have a plan. One that will either allow me to work in close proximity to Gavin for the foreseeable future or set fire to the world as we know it.
Chapter 10
Austin MusicFest—Day 2
THE SECOND NIGHT OF AUSTIN MUSICFEST IS EVEN MORE INTENSE than the first. Thankfully I didn’t have to throw myself together in two seconds and hitch a ride this time. Tonight I’ve donned my carefully selected leather and lace-layered top. My jeans are well worn and torn in all the right places. It’s cooler tonight; the breeze holds the promise of rain. I breathe it in, closing my eyes and playing my fiddle the way Gavin kissed me only hours ago. Passionate. Hungry. Desperate.
The crowd is larger. The sun sets slightly earlier, granting us—the opening act—that blessed darkness that somehow makes music more magical and mysterious.
Tonight we’re on stage eleven, which is farther from the main strip. The band we’re opening up for hasn’t arrived and the coordinating crew members keep signaling to Dallas to keep going. We’re four songs past our set list and reaching the point of making it up as we go when the headliner finally shows up.
“Living a Past Life” is a Christian rock band with a huge fan base. Their manager is explaining to the crowd about being stuck in traffic as we exit the stage. We’re swept off with a soundtrack of ardent applause. Whether it’s for us or the band taking the stage, I have no idea.
“I’m going to hang around, talk to their manager a bit,” Dallas tells Gavin and me with a nod toward the stage we just left, once we’ve packed our equipment into the van. “Y’all can take the van back to the hotel if you want.”
If I thought for one second that Gavin would come to my room, I’d take Dallas right up on that. But judging from how hard he’s been working to avoid close contact with me, I’m betting he’d lock himself safely in their room without so much as a good night.
“It’s a nice night. Think I’ll walk around the strip a bit before heading back.” I don’t wait for permission from either of them before turning to leave. “See you later, boys.”
I almost smile to myself. No way in hell either of them will let me walk around Sixth Street alone. It’s chaos. Everyone’s thoroughly inebriated. Most people are looking to hook up. For once, I’m most people.
“Wait up, Bluebird,” Gavin calls out from behind me.