Leaving Amarillo(28)

He’s wrong. I can feel it. I felt it.

Gavin Garrison is capable of love, and I am going to prove it.

He closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head. My fingers tighten their hold on his hips before he can pull away. Music from the surrounding stages pulses and throbs against us as we stand in the sea of bodies coming and going.

“I have a plan,” I say just before a breeze whips a strand of hair across my mouth. I’m afraid to relinquish my hold on him to move it for fear he’ll back away from me. I don’t have to debate on those odds for long before he moves the hair for me, sending a shiver down my spine as he teases my lips with his fingers.

“A plan, huh?”

I nod. “I’m not asking for a commitment or a label, or even that we tell Dallas. Not right now while he’s so stressed-out, anyway. I’m nineteen, Gav. I’m not going to start shopping for rings or making lifelong-commitment demands. Obviously I won’t turn into a crazed maniac and stalk you like some of your other groupies have. Pretty sure I know where to find you most hours of the day.”

His lips press together in a speculative look of contemplation. So far so good. “So what exactly are you asking for, Bluebird?”

I swallow hard, pulling in a lungful of cool night Texas air and all the courage I can gather with it. This is it, my shot to make him see why my plan is a good idea.

“After MusicFest ends, I want one night. Me and you. Alone. We have things to discuss and . . . and well, if something else were to happen, we can figure it out from there. But I can’t keep hiding behind my brother and neither can you.”

Gavin fingers a strand of my hair, twirling it between his fingers and giving it a gentle tug while I wait for his response.

Looking up at him, I see that love-starved little boy I met ten years ago. Gavin Garrison the man is tough. Hardened by a rough life full of unfairness, he’s intimidating to the naked eye. But I see so much more than that. I see how closely he guards his fragile heart and how rarely he lets his actual feelings show.

“I was right about touching you,” he says absently, still eyeing the curl entwined loosely around his finger. “Now that I started, I can’t stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” My confession is barely loud enough to be heard over the bedlam around us.

He clears his throat and glances around. I know he’s checking for Dallas and I try not to let it upset me. “One night?”

I nod.

His brows dip inward as he contemplates my request. “And what are you expecting from this one night?”

The images of what I’m expecting form so quickly I’m afraid there’s a slide show presentation showing an erotic montage in my eyes. For you to see that you can love and be loved. There’s no way I can admit this. So I give him the only answer that I can.

“Nothing. No expectations. Just us, being honest with each other. No outbursts or brothers or meltdowns or waitresses in the way.”

“Why? Why is this suddenly such an issue?”

“Why did you wait for me to get home from my date last night?” I ask without thinking.

His eyebrows lift and then lower, drawing together as his gaze grows darker. “I needed to know that you were safe.”

“How very brotherly of you. But, Gavin, today, outside the warehouse, that wasn’t brotherly. At all.” My skin begins to tingle as a pulsating ache throbs between my thighs at the memory.

His hand reaches up to cup the back of his neck. I wait for him to call it a mistake again and crush every ounce of hope that his kiss gave life to.

“I’ll agree to your one night on one condition. Tell me why, Dixie. Why are you pushing all of this now?”

Because if we find our way into the spotlight, I’m afraid everyone will see what I’ve tried so hard to hide.

My hearts trips over itself and lapses into an erratic rhythm. “Because . . . I need us to . . . to address this thing before I implode and destroy everything. I won’t always be able to get my own hotel room.”

I can tell by the way he’s pressing his lips together he still doesn’t completely understand. I have the fleeting thought of just being honest, of telling him I want one night of him giving me everything, one night where I can pretend we have a future together as more than bandmates, so that I can put it in my internal memory box along with the few cherished moments I have left of my parents. If I can’t make him see that he is both capable and worthy of love, that memory will have to be enough for me, even if it’s all I’ll ever have.

“Okay,” he says, finally relenting, causing my heart to give a little squeeze. “But maybe we should just keep our distance for the next few days, okay?”

My mouth forms an involuntarily pout when he pulls out of reach and he smirks down at me.

“Friday night I’ll tell your brother I met someone, because, technically, that isn’t a lie. We did meet at some point. I’ll crash in your room if that’s really what you want. Not sure it’ll solve any problems, though.”

It will solve one. Because if everything goes according to plan, after Friday night I will know exactly how Gavin feels about me. And how it feels to have him inside of me.

He couldn’t hold anything back when we kissed. I’m betting my whole heart on the hope that making love will be as powerful in releasing his emotions as that kiss was, if not more so.