Leaving Amarillo(22)

“Yeah you do. I think the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech is supposed to come after dessert at least. Or maybe even after the sex.”

Afton’s eyes go so wide I almost laugh out loud.

“Y-you’re planning to have sex with me? On the first date?”

There’s an eagerness in his voice and also a fear.

“Well, I’m not going to now since you gave me the breakup line already.” I can’t hold back my grin and it gives me away.

“That’s just mean. I’m starting to think maybe I should make you buy me dinner now.”

“Oh, uh-uh. No way. You asked me to dinner, remember?”

Afton’s lips twitch into a smirk.

A young man who looks barely old enough to drive interrupts long enough to greet us and set tortilla chips and a bowl of salsa on our table along with two glasses of water. I order my quesadilla and Afton orders steak fajitas. Once the waiter leaves I lift a chip from the bright red basket and return my attention to my date.

“So you were saying?”

His eyes meet mine and there’s a heat under the playfulness. I triggered something when I mentioned sex earlier. I’m wondering if this works on all members of the male species.

“I was curious about why you agreed to come to dinner with me. Seemed to be a risky decision.”

“Let me guess,” I begin, pausing to take a sip of my water. “You got the ‘we own her, you can look but don’t touch’ message from my brother and Gavin’s behavior and now this is a severance dinner.” I eat the chip and lick the crumbs from my lips. His eyes drop and I have to test my theory. “Unless . . .” I bite my lip while he watches and lean closer to him. “You’re not as nice as you look, and you’re willing to risk it.”

Afton isn’t just nice. He’s smart, too. He catches on pretty quickly. And I’m not as sexy as I wish I could be.

He leans back with raised eyebrows. “Honestly? I’m not real big on risks.”

“So I’ve heard,” I say, dejected. This is why Gavin walked away. We both know I could never be what he needs. I’m not sexy enough, or experienced enough, and it must be written all over me if even someone I just met can dismiss my advances so easily.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I’ve heard you’ve had lots of offers from major labels and big-name managers. Why turn them all down? Why not give one a shot?”

Afton’s lips press into a line.

“I like my career how it is. I like my band how it is. The first thing those people do is tell you how great you are and then start changing everything that made you great to begin with.”

“I see.”

A flash of understanding pings through me. It makes me sad to think about Afton’s band being stuck where they are. Even if they like it, they’re amazing and they deserve better than being crammed in a van, playing for peanuts. The thought of never seeing them hit it big is depressing.

This must be how Dallas feels.

“Don’t make that face. We have options. Right now this is what we want to do; if that changes, we’ll start exploring those options.”

I nod. It’s none of my business anyway. “Right. Sorry to pry.”

“I don’t mind talking about it. And for the record, this is definitely not a severance dinner. I just like to know where I stand.”

“In relation to what?” I swipe another chip through the salsa and toss it in my mouth.

“The drummer,” Afton says evenly. “He’s not watching you like he’s worried you’ll screw up. He’s watching you like he’s worried you’ll disappear and take his heart with you.”

“If I ever touched you, ever let myself so much as lay a hand on you, I might not be able to stop.”

Gavin’s words force themselves uninvited into my mind and I try to shove them out.

“Oh that’s a good one. You should put that in a song.”

He shrugs. “It’s the truth. I saw him tonight, watching you like his life depended on you, and I felt like a dick for asking you out when there’s clearly—”

“There’s clearly nothing, okay? I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about and neither do you.”

Afton arches an eyebrow at my outburst.

Fuck a rubber duck. Why does this keep happening? I’m going to starve to damn death if I can’t stop having these Gavin-induced meltdowns at mealtimes.

“Look,” I breathe, clenching and unclenching my hands just for something else to focus on. “It’s not as complicated as it may seem. I guess I had a childhood crush on him but believe me, he’s made it more than perfectly clear that we’ll only ever be friends. Bandmates. That’s all.”

“We’re more than that. You and Dallas are all I have. Do you get that?”

How has Gavin suddenly become the voice inside my head? Afton nods, watching me closely and opening his mouth as if he’s going to say something else but the food arrives and it doesn’t matter.

We both compliment the homemade tortillas. Afton tells me about a small, unsigned-artists tour he’s trying to get his band added to. The conversation flows easily while we eat and I have a good time. But when the meal is over, all I am is thankful and ready to get back to the solitude of my room.