If Ever(86)

“Mum loves to spoil. She also sent along fudge and some of her biscuits.”

“And I brought you cheese.” I laugh. Since there is no food in the place, we snack on cookies, cheese and chocolate.

The next three days are sweet perfection as Tom doesn’t have to work. He hasn’t told anyone he came home early, so we’re in a cocoon of uninterrupted bliss. We go to dinner at normal times, like normal people. We try cooking together, which ends up with burned chicken when he distracts me into the bedroom. He’s happier and the most laid back I’ve ever seen him.

One afternoon I’m curled up on the couch pretending to read while Tom's playing guitar by the window. The light casts shadows on the contours of his face. I love watching him when he’s unaware. His hands masterfully handle the strings strumming sweet hollow tones. His mouth is soft and his eyes lowered in untroubled thought. I revel in the moment as the soothing sounds roll over me like waves of silk.

But reality returns when he goes back to work on December 30th. It’s a two-show day and he’s itchy all morning to get to the theatre after being off for a week.

“Excited?” I tease.

He grins. “Does it show? You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

But he gets a call that takes the smile off his face. He takes it in the bedroom and I hear quiet murmurs and wonder who and what has brought him down. But he’s back in a minute and slides his phone onto the table.

“That was my agent. I didn’t get the part,” he says in a subdued voice, the disappointment shows in his slumped shoulders.

“Is that the final call back you had the day we went for tea?”

He nods. “It was for a big budget movie. It would have launched my career to the next level.”

“I’m sorry.” I’ve never seen him look so dejected, and part of me feels that maybe I jinxed his chances by talking about the audition when he didn’t want to.

“It’s fine. I’ll keep trying. They probably wanted someone older, or younger, or maybe with dark hair instead of light. There’ll be something out there for me. I just have to hit more auditions. A lot more.”

I give him a hug. He’s so talented. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be cast.





New Year’s Eve in Times Square is a mass of humanity, so most Broadway shows only have matinees or go dark for the night. We take the subway uptown to Paige's. Outside her door we hear a roar from the party inside. I grimace. All the people in that room know each other, except me.

“Are you nervous?” Tom asks, as if it never dawned on him I might be.

“Yeah.” I give him the look. “Everyone from your cast and crew is in there.”

He laughs and gives my shoulder a squeeze. “They’re harmless.”

They are all fantastically talented and gorgeous. I arch an eyebrow his direction.

“Okay. I guess not everyone is normal. Bill, one of the sound engineers, likes to tell dirty jokes, and Eileen, the props master has unusually bad breath, but supposedly it’s from a cauliflower diet she swears by. Then there’s Tanya. She’s just...Tanya.”

“This feels like Celebrity Dance Off all over again. I should have had a drink before we came.”

He rubs my back. “You’ll be fine. Everyone will love you.”

When no one answers the door, Tom lets us in, and, as soon as he’s noticed, the crowd lets out a cheer. Attending with the star of the show feels like a spotlight just focused on me too.

Paige finds her way to us and after quick hugs, gathers our coats. “Great dress,” she says admiring my little black number. “Welcome. The bar’s around the corner.”

We’re handed drinks and whisked around the apartment meeting too many people to keep track of. There’s plenty of spouses and girlfriends and boyfriends, which makes keeping people straight even more difficult.

Tom is pulled away and I’m cornered by a frizzy-haired woman from wardrobe and her pals, then handed a cosmo by a couple handsome young guys from the ensemble. Turns out that being Tom's girlfriend makes me popular. I’m asked about Celebrity Dance Off, how I like New York, and will I be auditioning for anything soon. I down my drink and respond with great, great, and never.

Finally, Tom appears and saves me from Ms. Cauliflower Breath. We escape to the bar. “You’re quite the hit.” He gives me one of his steamy smiles, caresses my bare shoulder, and whispers, “You’re gorgeous in that frock, but it’ll look even better pooled on the floor when I get you home.”

My breath hitches and he kisses my neck.

“Excuse me, you’re blocking the bar,” a testy voice says.

I jump away from Tom. He smiles boldly. We’re both a little juiced. “Sorry, Tanya. Do you remember Chelsea?”

She looks me over. “Sure. How are you?” she asks, but doesn’t even look at me.

“Fine. How are you?”

“Fantastic. Tom, can you order me a G&T? You know how I like it.”

He orders her drink and another cosmo for me.

Tanya scans the beautiful furnishings in the spacious apartment with a critical eye. “Paige and Greg have a great place. He must be making bank to afford a place like this. I wonder why Paige keeps working.”

“Here you go,” Tom hands Tanya a drink and ignores her comment.