If Ever(85)

“Oh, were they expecting a dude?” I laugh.

“Let’s just say that after spending my life singing and dancing, I could never totally convince my dad and brother I’m straight.”

“Maybe you should have introduced them to a girl sooner.”

He gets a cock-eyed grin. “But where’s the fun in that.” He settles onto his bed and leans back, relaxed. “You know, when you and I are done talking, I think I’ll show them some of your Celebrity Dance Off videos, so they can see the real you.”

“Oh, God, please don’t.” But he grins and I know he will. “You look good,” I say.

“You like my new jumper?” He looks down at his sweater. “I got three. No one knows what to buy me. Oh and several pair of socks, and new underwear, of course. Wait till you see them all.”

I want to reach through the screen and touch him. “Time off has been good for you.”

“It has. I just wish you could have been here with me.”

“I know.” Maybe next time, I hope.

“So what are you doing today?”

“I’m trying to decide what show to binge watch. Do I go for a Gilmore Girls marathon, or a classic like Alias? My mom’s favorite. Plus it has Bradley Cooper.”

“Aren’t you going to be with friends?” He asks, confused.

I realize my mistake. “Nah. Most are out of town. The others are busy with their families. I’ll probably order Chinese later.”

He sits up, his relaxed demeanor gone. “Aw hell, Chelsea. You shouldn’t be spending Christmas alone.”

“I’m not. I have you.” I give him my best effort at nonchalance, but he sees through it.

“But I thought—"

“Tom, it’s fine.” He blames himself for me being alone, which is ridiculous. “I have plenty to do here. It’s snowing out. Here, look.”

I carry the laptop to the window. “Maybe I’ll make a snowman later.”

“God, Chelsea. This isn’t right.”

I shrug and change the subject. “Tell me how your dad liked his gift.”

Tom sighs, and we talk for a half hour more. Jasper appears again and shows me his new truck. When we say goodbye, our hearts are heavy, but we’ll both be back in New York in four more days.





*

Here I am talking about all my silly gifts while Chelsea is alone in Iowa for Christmas, with no siblings or parents to share the day; no grandmother to put cash in an envelope for her; and no noisy family gatherings with loads of rich food and too much booze.

Why didn’t I realize this would happen? I guess because I didn’t think too much about leaving until the last minute. I just wanted to be with Chelsea and then I was excited about coming home.

I return to the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water. Mum’s loading the dishwasher for another round. “Everything okay? You seem down.”

I catch her up and she feels as bad as I do.

“That poor girl,” Mum says.

“I’m such an ass. She has no one and then I abandon her on the holidays.”

“I’m sure that’s not how she sees it.”

“No. She doesn’t.” I wonder how she’s spent her holidays all the years since her grandfather died.

“I know it’s not much, but I wanted to send some of my homemade jewelry back for her. It’ll be a belated Christmas gift, something to open,” she says.

“That’s lovely, Mum. Thank you.” But it’s not enough and suddenly all that matters is that I get back to her. “Would you be terribly upset if I left early?”

She’s about to object, but then looks at me and stops herself. “This girl means that much to you?”

“She’s everything.” And being away has cemented that.

Mum smiles and kisses my cheek. “Well then, we best call the airline.”

“You’re not mad?” I don’t want to hurt her too, but she smiles knowingly.

“I’ve had you for the past three days, and as much as I’d like to keep you here, your life is in New York. Go follow your heart.”





29





New York City





By some odd timing, Tom beats me back to New York. As I ride the escalator to baggage claim, I spot him waiting with an eager grin. I can’t help myself. I run to him, drop my carry-on bag at his feet, and jump into his arms. He buries his head in my neck and squeezes me tight.

“And I was afraid you wouldn’t miss me,” he says, setting me back on my feet.

“Only a little,” I tease. He smells delicious, exactly how I remember, and he hasn’t shaved in a couple days, so he has that extra relaxed, I don’t give a damn, air about him. But based on how we can’t look away from each other, I’d say he definitely does.

He kisses me quick and picks up my bag as we wander to the carousel for my suitcases. I don’t know how long I’m here for, but I’ve come prepared to stay at least until I go home for Anna’s wedding in early February.

Back at the apartment he showers me with gifts of Cadbury chocolate, which apparently is much better when from the UK, and jewelry from his mother. “She didn’t have to do that,” I say admiring her creations. I’ve only talked to her the once, but I can see she’s a lovely woman.