Bullet(58)

He smiled then, but it looked weary. “Thanks.”

Without even thinking, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, but I wrapped that hand around my coffee mug as I heard Ethan open the bathroom door.

He walked into the kitchen, wearing jeans only, his damp hair matted to his head. “Man, did I get f*cked up last night.”

“Jesus,” Brad muttered.

“How are you?”

“I told you I’m fine. Not one-hundred percent, but I’m fine.” He walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a mug, pouring himself some coffee.

“We were worried about you. What did you take?”

“Stop, Val. Christ. You’re not my mom.”

That struck a nerve. I took in a deep breath. I so wanted to say something bitchy, like telling him to take care of his own damn self next time. Instead, I just bit my tongue. Brad looked at me as if to remind me of the conversation we’d had months ago. I had tried to forget about it, but every word came clear this moment. Brad had said Ethan did drugs to cope…to cope with some kind of hell he’d gone through. And, at that moment, I realized that my love for him couldn’t save him. But maybe, like Brad had said, we’d be there to catch him when he fell. I just hoped he wouldn’t keep falling. My heart couldn’t take it.

* * *

We had another show that night, and late afternoon I was putting on heavier stage makeup in my room when Ethan rapped on the door. I didn’t know which guy it was but told him to come in. When he came in the door, he closed it behind him and eased up closer to me to where I stood in front of the full-length mirror, putting on blush.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and looked at my reflection. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

I smiled then. I loved when he was sweet. But he wasn’t only sweet. He was hot. He was all decked out for our show, and he was even hotter than usual. Having him press up against my body from behind, remembering how the other night he’d given me my first orgasm only accentuated my attraction for him.

I turned around as he wrapped his hands around my waist. “I wouldn’t worry if I didn’t care.” I tossed the blusher on the bed.

“I know.” He was wearing eyeliner. I wasn’t necessarily into it when guys wore it, but it made Ethan look sexier than usual. He kissed me firmly on the lips.

I decided to be honest. “You look really hot tonight.”

He grinned. “You think so?”

“Yeah.”

“You think I’m hot?”

“Oh, God, yes.” He backed me up against the mirror.

“When are we leaving?”

I suspected I knew why he was asking. “Half hour maybe.”

“What have you got left to do?”

“Not much.”

He started kissing my neck. Oh, that was nice. I let out a small breath and tilted my neck. All was forgiven…my fear and upset, my worry. As I inhaled a deep breath, my breasts pushed into his chest, and I let out a small sigh. Remembering when he had me up against this same wall not long ago pressing into me, making me feel aroused and then recalling how he’d made me feel better than I ever had in my whole life just a few short nights ago made me wet with desire. I wanted him to touch me again, to make me feel like this was what I was made for. Our lips clashed together, and I groped for the button to the leather pants that were molded to his skin. I could feel his cock pressing against the fabric.

I wanted to touch it. I’d only touched it the other night in the shower, but now I was fascinated by it. How would it feel inside me now? I wanted to know. And so I unzipped his pants and found my way inside his underwear. Oh…it was hard and throbbing, smooth and hot, and it was that way for me. All for me.

His kiss was harder then, and he unzipped my jeans in response. “You want me inside you, babe?”

I opened my eyes. God, his were on fire. “Hell, yeah.”

He assaulted me again with his lips, and I grabbed his ass to press him into me, but his hands were in the way. He grinned. “Good things come to those who wait.” I let out a small laugh until he stuck his hand in my panties. He ran his finger down my slit, brushing over my clitoris and feeling lower, and he said, “Fuck. You’re ready, aren’t you?”

He knew just by touch. I nodded, now serious, as I gasped at the motion of his finger. I closed my eyes and realized I was almost panting.

“I don’t have a rubber, Val. You’re on the pill, right?”

“Yeah.” So it was stupid, especially in light of the fact that I knew Ethan had had multiple partners, but I loved him and wanted him, and I didn’t want to wait.

“You okay going without?”

Well, I didn’t have a choice, did I? Maybe I’d have to start keeping them around. It might be a little embarrassing to buy them myself, but I knew how stupid it was to have unprotected sex. “Are you safe?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I swear.” He punctuated his words with another stroke of his finger against me, making it impossible for me to deny him. My gasp told him all he needed to know, and he pulled my pants halfway down my thighs, then pulled his own down and lifted me up against the wall, my legs wrapped around him. In just a few short moments, he was inside me, filling me up. At first, I still felt discomfort. But as he continued to drive into me, it began to feel good, and that was when my desire ramped up again. I started breathing heavily once more, enjoying the sensation of him inside me, driving me wild.

But, perhaps because I was new at the whole thing, I didn’t even come close to orgasm. Ethan came inside me before I even got close. I hoped he didn’t feel bad about it. He was breathing in my ear. “Didn’t you like that?”

“Yeah…I loved it.” As he pulled out and set my feet on the floor, I could feel the evidence that he’d come inside me. He was kissing my neck again when there was a knock on my door.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah?”

Zane asked, “Have you seen Ethan?”

Fortunately, Ethan didn’t make me lie. “I’ll be out in a sec.”

Guess it wasn’t a secret anymore.

He was whispering in my ear again when he said, “I’ll take care of you tonight, babe. I promise.”

He zipped up his pants while giving me a hasty kiss on the lips. He swaggered out the door, leaving me in that state. And the rest of the night, I felt like I was on edge, and my damp panties just reminded me that he’d been inside me earlier. Somehow, onstage, it made me feel empowered, free, and fully feminine. It made me feel sexy, wanted, and for the first time ever, I felt in control of my sexuality. I’d have to try incorporating Clayton’s suggestions for vocally changing my singing voice, but this night I was breathier, cooing some lines, adding seduction to my words. I hoped Ethan could actually hear me in spite of the hold his guitar had over him, because he’d done that to me.

I got the rest of the band’s attention, though. On our way back to the apartment, Nick of all people said, “What the hell was that you were doing with your voice tonight, Val? Holy shit.”

Zane joined in. “Yeah. That was some cool shit.”

Brad: “It was. But just make sure the audience can hear you.”

Zane: “They could.”

“Was I too quiet?”

Brad: “Maybe a little too breathy.” So…Brad was more objective. I nodded, not sure what to do with the contradictory information. “But I liked it. It needs a little work, but keep doing it.”

I smiled. Still nothing from Ethan, the man I had really wanted to hear from. He was being quieter than usual. I shouldn’t complain, though, because at least he wasn’t on anything tonight.

Once we got to the apartment and got settled in, the guys wanted to talk about the show. There had been some weird things going on with rhythm, but it didn’t affect me, and I was tired. And, based on Ethan’s reticence, I figured he could make whatever it was he’d wanted to make up to me the following day.

So I changed my clothes into another short nightie, but I left the panties on. Ethan could be with me all night long in that way, and part of me was pissed that I’d not only let him go without a condom but that I’d then been further aroused by the evidence of it.

I was thinking way too much, so I made myself get up and take a shower. The guys were still discussing the concert over a round of beers in the living room.

After my short bath, I lay in bed just thinking about Ethan and wasn’t really surprised when I heard him rap on the door and open it before I could even say a word. “You asleep?”

“No.”

I heard the smile in his voice. “I promised to take care of you. You too tired?”

The fact that my body was already tingling at the sound of his voice assured me that I definitely wasn’t too tired. I felt bashful when I said, “No.”

He turned on the light. God, he was gorgeous. The eyeliner he’d had on earlier was smudged, and his hair was a little mussed, but he was a vision. He looked wild, untamed, like an animal, and he was hungry for me. He peeled off his t-shirt and dropped it to the floor, then pulled off one boot, then the other, followed by his socks. Then he walked closer to the bed, unzipping those goddamned tight leather pants that were wrapped around him like skin, and he peeled them off next to my bed. I sat up a little, anticipating him, wanting him.