Bullet(63)

I felt fuzzy, surreal, as it continued. I moaned in pleasure and felt my back arch upwards toward the source of pleasure. Then I felt a tongue trace a trail down my cleavage as I heard Ethan’s voice in my ear.

Wait. Something wasn’t right.

I opened my eyes. The light was dim. There were some candles lit across the room, and I tried to get my bearings, but I was having a hard time focusing. Nothing seemed real. But in the shadows, I could see a young woman with short blonde hair leaning over me, looking up at me from my breasts. Ethan was closer, right by my face, talking in my ear, but I couldn’t make out his words.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I sat up. “Stop.” My voice came out weaker than I’d intended, but I couldn’t get my bearings. Nothing was as it should have been. I didn’t know where I was or how the hell I’d gotten here.

The blonde placed her hand on my breast and kissed my shoulder. “Oh, don’t leave.”

“Val…”

This time with more force. “Stop.” My mouth felt like terrycloth, my eyes like sandpaper. I blinked a few times, trying to focus, and then decided to hell with it. I groped my way to the edge of the bed and got up, still feeling the girl’s hand on my shoulder. Once on my feet, I stumbled toward the door. I placed my hand on the cool doorknob and looked behind me to see Ethan and the blonde in an embrace, their tongues clashing. They weren’t missing me much.

I twisted the doorknob, feeling the beat of the music inside me. It still didn’t feel quite real, and I thought to myself, I know this goddamned song, but I couldn’t figure it out. Maybe if I could get into some real light, maybe if I could figure out where the f*ck I was, maybe…

So I opened the door and, just as I’d suspected, I was hard hit with light and sound. It was overwhelming. The light…so bright, so overpowering. And the sound—like a concert in my soul. I couldn’t process it all…it was way too much.

But then my brain forced itself to work, and the edges of my reality became clearer. I was in the hallway of my apartment facing the kitchen. And the music was coming from beyond there, maybe the living room. Maybe from the new sweet stereo Brad’s mom had bought him for Christmas. The kitchen was full of people, loud, boisterous, laughing happy people, none of whom seemed familiar to me in the least. And they were all staring at me. This must have been a bad dream.

It was then that I realized I was completely topless. No wonder they were staring at me. Especially the guys. And this was real…right?

Fuck.

Still, it didn’t feel completely real. But I wrapped my arm over my breasts just the same.

That’s when Brad appeared. He looked concerned, and he rushed to my side. “Val? You okay?”

I’m sure I looked like an idiot, just staring at him. Was I okay? I didn’t know. But he wrapped his arm around me and led me to my room.

He sat me on my bed and then started looking around my room. He found the robe I hung on the closet doorknob and brought it over, wrapping it over my shoulders. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” That was my first response, but tears started falling down my cheeks. I didn’t know why. But then it all came back to me as Brad pulled me into his chest, just letting me cry.

It was mid-March, and we’d just finished our biggest show ever. The audience was huge and on fire, and we’d made the most money we ever had. I started to think I could start to consider quitting my job. There were two other bands playing that night—one that we’d played with multiple times (and, truth be told, probably the one that had really drawn in the crowd)—and another that we’d never played with before. Brad was happier than I’d seen him in a long time. In fact, he was ecstatic, and I could see in his eyes what I felt deep inside.

He knew I didn’t have to work the next day, and neither did he, so he invited both bands and their guests to our place for a party.

We’d never had a party at our place before, but we knew it was acceptable in our building. We’d had to try to sleep through parties on our floor before. Brad had just turned twenty-one, so I suspected it was also a reason for him to make his first liquor store run.

Back at the apartment, people started filling in fast. Brad set up a bar of sorts on the kitchen counter, along with plastic cups and a bag of ice in the sink. Ethan was drinking and had taken something to go with it. He was on the couch, talking with a girl with short blonde hair. He hadn’t cozied up with her, but I figured it was inevitable. I’d have to go over there and insert myself at some point, but first Brad had requested my presence in the kitchen.

“I know you’re not comfortable drinking, Val, but I bought this with you in mind.”

“What?”

“Butterscotch schnapps.”

“Why for me?”

“It’s smooth. I thought you might want to get a little buzz on. You helped propel us to where we are now.”

I smiled. “Why do you want me trashed?”

“I don’t. I just want you to feel good…just a little. You deserve it.”

I nodded my head. “Okay.”

So we did a shot together. Brrr. It warmed a trail down to my tummy but made me shiver. “How’s that feel?”

“Pretty good.”

“Okay. Just one more. As tiny as you are, I don’t dare let you drink more than that.”

Tiny? That almost made me laugh, but he was right—I’d become thin…not scary thin, but it was definitely different from when he’d first met me. So I did a second shot with him. I started to feel a little relaxed but just figured that was the power of suggestion.

In my ear, he said, “Now…half an hour from now, you don’t feel like you’ve got a buzz on, come back. I’ll hook you up.” He hugged me then, a warm embrace, and I hadn’t fully expected it. Yes, Brad and I were close, and it wasn’t the first time he’d hugged me, but I wasn’t quite sure where it was coming from. “In the meantime, though…” He grabbed one of the clear plastic cups he’d bought for the occasion. He put a handful of ice inside and poured water in it. Then he handed it to me. “Nurse this.”

I grinned at him. “Thanks, Brad.” I had a mission, though, and that was to make sure Ethan’s cheating ass was behaving itself. I couldn’t trust him anymore. “See you in a while.”

I made my way through the bodies toward the couch. Sure enough, Blondie was closer to Ethan, her hand on his thigh. Damn it. That was my man. I was tired of girls staking their claim when he was not available, and I was tired of him taking them all up on their offers.

So I walked straight over to him and sat on the other side of him. “Hey, babe. Glad you could join us.”

Us? That was a great way to piss me off. But he just grabbed me around the back of my neck and pulled me into an erotic kiss. Jesus. It felt like he was going to f*ck me right there on the couch.

Typical Ethan. But I didn’t stop him because it was sending a message to the little skank trying to steal my man.

His tongue didn’t stop. He thrust inside me with aggression more than once until I felt a little spark, but then he stopped. “How you feelin’, babe?”

I tried not to look sad. “All right.”

The girl leaned over Ethan, placing her hand on my thigh instead of Ethan’s. Well, maybe she was just a handsy individual. I took a gulp of my water. Ethan said, “Kandy really likes the band.”

The girl named Kandy purred. “Oh, I really loved you. You are so sexy onstage.”

Was she talking to me? I took another gulp of water, feeling nervous again. What the hell was Ethan up to? I managed to squeak out, “Thanks.”

And that’s when it hit me. My vision started to get black and fuzzy around the edges and things started to feel…not quite real. My grip on what was going on was loosening. I blinked a couple of times and took another sip. “You okay?” Ethan asked.

“Um…maybe.” Whoa. If this is what alcohol did, I’d have to avoid it or drink less. But I’d drunk it before, just not a couple of straight shots. This was hitting me harder and faster. Kandy snaked her hand around behind Ethan’s shoulder and started playing with my hair. Okay…that was overly friendly. She was starting to creep me out a little, but nothing seemed real.

I looked over at the poster-sized print of the Eiffel Tower I’d bought last fall to decorate in our Spartan living room. I kept staring at it as time seemed to slow to a crawl. It appeared to hover a foot away from the wall. And then my eyes were glued to it, fascinated. How was that happening? It was just hovering there, as though magnetically propelled away from the wall. And that was the last thing I remembered.

But sitting there on the edge of my bed, Brad’s arms around me, the tears continuing to fall, more came to me. Ethan and the blonde named Kandy helping me walk across the living room. Then lying on the bed clueless. Then drifting off because it was the easiest way to cope with the perceptual overload.