Bullet(60)

Sure enough, as soon as I opened the door, they stopped yelling at each other. Brad and Ethan were standing facing each other, and the atmosphere was tense. Zane was standing next to them as though he was there to break it up and Nick…I wasn’t sure where he was at first until I heard the muffled sounds of his drum kit pouring out of the bedroom.

The two men stood toe to toe until I closed the door behind me. The sound somehow pulled them out of their stances. I wanted to ask them to calm down, but I didn’t want them to know I’d heard part of their conversation. So, instead, I tried slapping a concerned look on my face and asked, “What’s going on?”

Brad was the first to back away and then he and Ethan both looked at me. Brad said, “Nothing. Just a little misunderstanding.”

“Yeah.” Ethan looked away. He looked pissed.

Brad didn’t look much better, but he’d managed to bury the emotions a little deeper. “How was work?”

I shrugged. “Nothing exciting.” Oh, it was tempting to start asking questions, but I instead asked about dinner plans and buried what I knew of their conversation deep in the back of my mind. I couldn’t let it eat at me.

But it did. It was cradled in the back of my mind.

* * *

The summer drifted into fall with little fanfare. As September flowed into October, Ethan started out almost every night in my bedroom but left before morning. And, thanks to our hectic schedule, my need to save money, and walking to and from my job, I lost a few pounds. Nothing dramatic, but I was suddenly svelte for the first time in my life. The extra ten or fifteen pounds I’d been toting around since becoming a teenager had melted off, and I felt slim for the first time as an adult.

Brad noticed.

He and I were the only ones up early in the morning, probably because we were the only ones who’d managed to find day jobs in addition to the band. We were drinking coffee one morning and he said, “Please, Val…please tell me you’re not indulging in any of the shit Ethan does regularly.”

That seemed to come out of nowhere. “What? Why would you even ask that?”

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

I tried to smile. “That’s not why.”

“Something I should worry about?”

I let his words sink in. “Oh, no. No. Hell, no. I’m just…not eating as much and I’m exercising a lot. I’m not starving, and I’m definitely not doing drugs.”

He nodded. “Okay. Good. Just…you really are our muse, Val. I…” His voice drifted off, and he stared in his coffee.

“What?”

I saw his jaw clench but then he forced himself to look at me. “I feel the need to protect you.”

This time I did smile. “From what?”

He shook his head. “Lots of things. I…just want you safe.”

“I am safe, right?” He raised an eyebrow. “Right?”

“Yeah, sure. You are.” But he didn’t believe it, and I knew it stemmed from my torrid relationship with Ethan. I’d gotten a little better about keeping myself quieter, but those walls were thin, and we lived in tight quarters. Brad knew exactly how hard I’d fallen for Ethan, and I think that’s where his concern came from. “Just…” He blew air out of his mouth, almost as though he were tired. “Just remember you have a friend here, okay?”

I smiled and placed my hand on his. “I know that.” Of course, Ethan would walk in just as I did that. His eyes narrowed, but he sat down at the table without saying a word. I pulled my hand back to myself and took a sip of my coffee. “Hey, how’d you sleep?”

He shrugged. “For shit.”

Brad said, “There’s plenty of coffee if you want it.”

“Nah. I know what I want.”

Brad and I glanced at each other. I knew what he was thinking. He might have been right, that Ethan was craving some synthetic pick-me-up, but I thought he might have also been talking about sex with me. He hadn’t even looked at me in any such way that would indicate it. It was just a feeling I had.

Brad was in no mood, though. “Think it through, man.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Bradley.”

I was starting to grow weary of the constant friction between the two alpha males of the household. I felt like I was walking on pins and needles while they continually picked at each other. Before Brad had a chance to say anything else, I said, “Can we please stop?”

Brad sighed. “I gotta go to work anyway.” He stood up and rinsed out his coffee cup. “Nice talkin’ with ya, Val.”

I was a little ticked with Ethan for pushing Brad away. I knew Brad cared for Ethan just as much as he did for me, if not more. But Ethan just couldn’t see past his own ego. After the front door closed, Ethan wrapped his hand around my neck. His eyes were intense. “So what’s going on with you and my bro?”

Was he jealous? “Nothing. You know Brad and I are close.”

His voice was low. “I know you were very close. Anything I should be worried about?”

“No. Of course not.” I sighed. “Don’t be that way, Ethan.”

“What way?”

“Possessive and covetous.”

He raised an eyebrow and sported a cockeyed smile. “Covetous?”

“Yeah. I’m with you, Ethan. I love you.”

His smiled turned lascivious. “Then let’s go f*ck.”

I didn’t know that I cared for his crude way of asking, but the look in his eyes changed my mind. I’d finally bought my own stash of condoms that I kept in the nightstand next to my bed, and I insisted on using them. In the past month, I’d enjoyed multiple orgasms and had had sex in several different spots in our apartment, in various different positions. I’d even managed to successfully deliver in the blowjob department. I was enjoying exploring my sexuality with Ethan, and he was open to anything I suggested. When I needed him to, he took it slowly, and he somehow knew exactly what I needed—how and when.

So, even though I’d need to get ready for work in the next half hour, I thought I could give him that time. So I stood up and grabbed his hand, leading him to my bedroom.

The door wasn’t even closed when he had his hand wrapped around my neck again and started kissing me hard on the lips. Just like always, though, I was primed and ready to go. It didn’t take much anymore. Just looking at him or thinking about him was enough to get me aroused.

He kissed me a few times and then I started unbuttoning his jeans. He reached under my robe and pulled down my panties, and I wondered…the floor, the bed, the stool by the mirror? But no. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around to face the wall.

Now…I was game for trying new things. This whole thing had been entirely new to me a month ago. But this didn’t feel like play. It felt like punishment, particularly because it felt like he’d slammed me up against the wall without any regard for me. He was inside me in a matter of seconds, pounding into me with fury. Yes, maybe I was reading it all wrong, but it didn’t feel right. It felt like he was angry with me.

But then, just as I was getting ready to ask him what the f*ck was going on, he held me with passion. He kissed me on the neck ravenously, one hand massaging my left breast, the other moving below. He continued pumping into me, but he was stroking my clitoris and, no matter how upset I was that I felt like he was taking his frustrations out on me, I couldn’t help that I was going to orgasm. There was no stopping it.

My hands had been splayed up against the wall, but as I gave in to my basest desires, I reached behind me and drove my fingers into his hair. In seconds, I cried out as I climaxed. He slowed as he came too and leaned me into the wall. His hot breath was in my ear, his hands holding me aggressively and as though he didn’t want to let me go. It wasn’t until he withdrew that I realized he hadn’t worn a condom.

And then I was angry. I didn’t want to be like my friend Jill. I didn’t want to have to make the decision to have an abortion…or not. I didn’t want to have to beg Ethan for his help with an unwanted baby. No matter what the press said, I knew the pill wasn’t one-hundred percent reliable. I didn’t want to have to worry about that—or if Ethan’s indiscretions would give me some nasty STD I’d have to contend with. I was pissed. We’d had this conversation before, too many times.

I struggled against his rough hands and finally managed to turn around. “Ethan, what the hell? Where’s the condom?”

He wasn’t with me. His mind was off somewhere else. He looked angry…and then he looked far away. He didn’t answer at first. He looked like he was going to start yelling. And that’s when I said, “Oh, my God. You’re high, aren’t you? What the hell?” I reached down and pulled my panties up from where they were sagging against my ankles. “Get out of here, Ethan. I have to get ready for work.”