Bullet(68)

He grinned, and that’s when I noticed again he had the slightest of dimples. Over the past year, he and I had done a lot of flirting, but this was the first time we’d actually talked for any length of time, and all it did was make me more attracted to him. “Let’s just say I don’t always make the best boyfriend. At least that’s what my last girlfriend said.”

Oh, that wasn’t good. I’d made a mental note that he didn’t have a girlfriend right now. Yeah, not good at all that I was keeping score.

Still…he was easy to talk to and fun, and I’d already decided Ethan and I were through. I was fairly certain Ethan had already made that decision days ago. Clay pulled me out of my trance. “What about you, Val? Think you plan to make a career out of it?”

I shrugged. “I’m loving it. I’m gonna do this as long as I can.”

He nodded. “By the way, I never told you. I love what you’re doing with your voice nowadays.”

I thanked him, feeling a little bashful. “You gave me some great suggestions.” I drank the rest of my beer. He’d finished his several minutes earlier.

“Can I get you another one?”

I shook my head. “No. I shouldn’t be drinking anyway. I’m not legal.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Not legal? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

I giggled. “The drinking age is twenty-one.”

“Oh, yeah…I forget that.” He inhaled and then grimaced as though he didn’t really want to know the answer to his next question. “So how old are you, Valerie?” He cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

I smiled. “No. That’s cool. Actually, I’m close. I’m twenty…ish.” No way was I going to tell him I wouldn’t actually turn twenty until summer. I didn’t want to scare him off.

He raised his eyebrows and appraised me. “So you’re not exactly a kid or anything.”

I laughed again. “I don’t feel like it.”

He shifted on the sofa and stretched his legs out. “So…tell me about you and Ethan. What’s going on there? The other day at our meeting, he was all over you, but now he acts like you’re a hot potato. Or…is that just my imagination?”

I felt uncomfortable talking about it, but I didn’t see any harm. Clay was easy to talk to, and I felt like he understood. And maybe the two beers I’d drunk were loosening my tongue. But I doubted it. I hadn’t really talked to anyone about how I felt, and Clay had opened that door, so it was like it had to come out. I sighed. “Don’t get me started. I don’t think Ethan knows what he wants. One second, he’s all over me and telling me he wants to make it work. The next second he’s taking some new drug and screwing a new girl, treating me like shit. I don’t get it.”

“I’ve heard a few things.”

I sat up. Now I was feeling pissed. “Like what?”

He grinned. “Nothing you want to hear.”

That figured. I’d never be part of the boys’ metal club, no matter how good I was. I should have known. And that he thought it was funny made me angrier. “I asked, but now you’re gonna be an *?”

He raised his eyebrows and sat up. “Whoa, Val. I’m an * just because I’m trying to save you from embarrassment?”

I let out a slow breath. “Confirming that my supposed boyfriend is sleeping around on me won’t embarrass me as much as it’ll make me pissed.”

He chuckled. “Goddamn, woman. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

I felt my cheeks grow pink. I gave myself a few seconds to let my blood pressure lower. “Then what are you talking about?”

To himself, he said, “I guess in a roundabout way, I am. But…” He looked down at my hands, then back up to my eyes. “I heard about the party at your apartment a few months back where you just waltzed into the room topless…something about Ethan slipping you some drugs you weren’t aware of, pulling you into a threesome.” He looked at my lips. “And I guess that was pretty shitty, but I still wish I coulda seen that.”

I felt a chill shudder down my spine. “You’re making fun of me.”

His smile was gone. “No, I’m not.” He shook his head. “Sorry I made you feel bad. I just can’t get that image out of my head…of you. I don’t know how Ethan can just…do what he does to you. In case I never told you before, Valerie, I think you’re sexy as hell…and I’m glad you’re legal. A woman can get up on that stage and do what you do has all my respect…and my attention.” He set his bottle on the coffee table in front of us. “And Ethan’s a stupid f*ck for doing what he’s doing. He doesn’t deserve you.” He sucked in a deep breath.

I’d heard that before, but I couldn’t remember when or where. I wished Ethan felt the same way. But I wasn’t going to talk about that with Clay or anyone else. Before I could speak, he said, “And if that makes you pissed at me, so be it.”

“I’m not.” But back to what he’d said earlier. Even though I didn’t plan to talk about my relationship with Ethan, I felt the need to explain, even if only on a superficial level. “Let’s just say Ethan has a lot of issues he has to work through.”

“Sure…but why does it have to affect you?”

That was a good question but again nothing I wanted to discuss with someone else. I shrugged. “Ethan has some growing up to do. Were you perfect in your early twenties?”

“Oh, hell, no. But I didn’t have a steady girlfriend either.”

I smiled and looked at him. “I’m wondering why you’re so worried about my problems.”

His return smile didn’t look so innocent. “I’m not going to lie to you. I have ulterior motives, and I think you know exactly what those are. But, Val, you need to think about yourself too. Your life isn’t just about the man you’re with. You’re a woman with desires and passions that need to be fulfilled, and you need someone mature enough to handle the relationship that ensues.”

Yes, he had a point there. Clayton was in his late twenties. He’d sown a lot of his wild oats. Ethan, though…he was still tasting life, had barely started. He didn’t realize that emotional commitment was important too. Clayton did. But my head stopped me. Wait. You can’t be sure this is a good idea.

I looked in his beautiful dark green, almost brown, eyes for lots longer than I should have. “Clay…you are tempting, but… We’ll both respect each other more for deciding not to.” I took a deep breath and placed my hands on my thighs. “I can’t. I’m heading to bed.”

He pursed his lips and looked at me. Then he nodded. “Your decision. But…if you change your mind, I’m in room three-oh-seven. Anytime.”

It was hard tearing myself away. He was difficult to resist, but I knew as soon as I could get out of his magnetic field, it would be easier.

I went to my room and took my shoes off. Just as I’d suspected…no Ethan. And there was no evidence that he’d even been to the room. His suitcase was still by the front door where he’d left it when we’d arrived that afternoon. I sat on the bed, thinking of the past week and how angry I was with him. It was almost as if he enjoyed trashing my heart.

And then my mind wandered back to Clay. God…he was so cute…and sexy. And then I started asking myself…what would it hurt? Just one night. One night with a guy who wanted to be with me, who wouldn’t be looking for the next woman, wouldn’t be thinking of someone or something else while I was in his arms. As I considered it, I felt my heart start beating a little harder, and I tried to think of ways to talk myself out of it.

But there were no good reasons not to.

I put my shoes back on and found my key. Three-oh-seven?

As I made my way up the flight of stairs, I started questioning myself. What if he’d changed his mind? What if he wasn’t even there? What if he’d instead decided to go to bed?

In spite of my shaking hands and numbing toes, I continued the journey, and I made myself knock on the door before I changed my mind. But as I stood there and the seconds dragged on, I started chickening out. I felt my heart speed up again, like a drum at a thrash concert, and I decided if he wasn’t at the door in ten more seconds, I was outta there.

But then I heard the lock turn, and my heart started fluttering again.

He opened the door. Holy shit. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Why the f*ck had I never seen him without a shirt? Jesus Christ. He was gorgeous…rock hard and tight and tattooed all over. Pierced nipples too.

Okay, so, I was nervous as hell but no longer did I regret my decision. I know my eyes scoured him and I’m pretty sure my pupils got bigger. I don’t think my jaw actually dropped but it might have. I do know I lost every thought in my head…every real thought, that is.