Bullet(54)

Zane shrugged. “Hell if I know, and the slave driver’s not here to tell us who’s supposed to do it.”

That was enough. We hadn’t been living together long enough to start getting on each other’s nerves and holding grudges yet. I wondered to myself if it was pack behavior and since Brad, the guy who seemed most likely to be the alpha, wasn’t there to keep the dogs in check, they were yipping at each other. “Hold it, now. Brad’s just trying to find a way to make sure we all do our fair share without getting into fights about it.” Zane sneered at me. “Would you rather do it all yourself?”

He raised his eyebrows. “No.”

“Then shut the f*ck up already.”

His raised eyebrows told me my words had had the effect on him I’d hoped. If he had that big a problem with it, I thought he should talk to Brad about it instead of complaining behind his back. And I actually appreciated that Brad was trying to keep some kind of order in our small home. I knew he’d already known what to expect from his friends, and he was trying a preemptive strike to prevent misunderstandings and spats. Zane started laughing. “Jesus, Val. When the hell did you get so mouthy?”

I wanted to tell him he had no idea…that I’d done a lot of growing up recently. But I wasn’t going to. “Got your attention, didn’t I?” He shrugged but acted like he was done complaining. “So I’ll cook dinner. What all do we have?”

“Your meal…you figure it out.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head. The guys started talking about music and wound up going into the big bedroom to play out a couple of songs Ethan had been working on, leaving me to my own devices in the kitchen. I was glad, because then I didn’t have to worry about anyone noticing I wasn’t one-hundred percent yet. We didn’t have much in the way of groceries, and I’d never been much of a cook, so I wasn’t sure what I could make. I needed to buy a cookbook.

For now, though, I had to make do with what we had. I found potatoes, hamburger, lettuce, and tomatoes, and a couple of packets of brown gravy, so I made (kind of) Salisbury steak, baked potatoes, and salad. I determined then and there that for the nights I was cooking, I’d do the shopping myself and look for recipes online. I already missed my mom’s cooking.

The guys liked it, though, and that was good enough for me.

I hated sitting so close to Ethan and not being able to touch him or stare at him or even talk to him about our secret. I longed for the day when we could be open about it, and I hoped it was sooner rather than later.

I slept alone that night, but I thought about Ethan the entire time.

The next day I had my interview at the sub shop that was just three and a half blocks from our apartment building. I did okay, but I was even happier that I wasn’t having a hard time walking. I was still a little sore but nothing like I’d been the day before. After my interview, the manager told me he’d call me by the next day if he decided to hire me.

We had three shows the next weekend, all in the same area of the city, and we hadn’t played anything new in a while. Ethan, Zane, and Nick ran a song past Brad and me. It was different, but it was hard and heavy, and it was fantastic. Ethan asked, “Think you can pen some words to it pretty quickly?”

“How quickly?”

“By our next show?”

“Well…probably…but getting it down is another story. We’ll need to practice it together some like we always do.”

Brad was quiet. “I need some time too…unless you’re wanting me out of this one, man.”

I saw something in Ethan’s eyes, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. There was a flash, and I knew Brad saw it too, but then it faded. “Nah. I’m just excited to play this one.”

Brad took it in stride. “Me too. It’s f*ckin’ awesome. Good stuff. Maybe we could shoot for next weekend.”

We all agreed that would be the best idea. I wanted to know what was going on between Ethan and Brad, but I thought I’d let it go. I suspected I was part of the problem, and I really didn’t want to be. As much as I was growing to care about Ethan as a lover, I had begun to love Brad as a friend. Out of all the men in the band, he understood me best, and we’d always gotten along. I never wanted there to be anything awkward between us. And that too was part of the reason I didn’t care for keeping my thing with Ethan under wraps. It felt dishonest. But I knew that Ethan and Brad were like brothers, and Ethan probably wanted to tell Brad when he was ready.

That night I lay in bed working out words to the new music. It was in my head rolling around, so I tried thinking of some good lyrics, but I knew I’d need a good night’s sleep to really solidify my ideas. I’d want to work with the guys on that some the next day, but I also wanted to do more job seeking. Sure enough, Brad had already found a part-time job working in another oil-changing place, just like he’d done back home. I felt bad, though, because it seemed like Brad was doing everything.

Those were my thoughts when I finally shut off the light and lay my head on my pillow to sleep. A few minutes later, though, I heard a slight tapping on my door. Before I could even get out of bed, Ethan peeked in the door. He whispered, “Care if I come in for a few minutes?”

“No…that’s fine.” He left the light off and closed the door quietly behind him. “You can turn the light on.”

I heard him getting closer. “No. I’m good.” He felt for the bed and I sat up. “I’m just gonna lay down next to you. Can I get under the covers?”

I grinned, even though he couldn’t see it. “Sure.”

He slid under the sheet and that was when I could tell he was just wearing jeans—no shirt, no socks. I felt excited suddenly. I hadn’t been expecting his company, and soon I would have started wondering when we’d be together again, but here he was. It wasn’t too loud in the living room, but it sounded like the guys were watching movies or videos on Brad’s laptop.

“I miss you.”

I giggled. “I’m right here.”

Then his voice was serious. “How are you feeling? Are you better?”

“Yeah. I think so. A little sore, but nothing I can’t handle.” I wondered what it would feel like the second time.

He kissed me then, a sweet, gentle kiss, but I felt myself growing amorous just the same. I wasn’t nervous anymore, because I knew it wouldn’t be painful like the first time. And maybe, after that, it would be everything I’d heard it could be, some magical promised land. I hadn’t talked much about sex with any of my girlfriends in the past. Most of what I’d learned I’d read about in magazines and online, and so I knew part of what I’d read might have been filled with disinformation as well. I was less hesitant this time…eager, in fact. I wanted to try again. I wanted to be filled with Ethan over and over, wanted to spend all my free time with him, have his mouth on mine most of the day.

I knew none of those fantasies was even remotely possible, but if he at least felt comfortable coming into my bedroom a few nights a week, I could feel like we were truly growing together. More than that, though, I had my awakening sexuality I was going to have to contend with. I ran my fingers over his solid pecs, thrilled that he was here in my bed, lying next to me. When he ended the kiss and I took a big breath, I said, “So what are you doing in here anyway?”

“I just wanted to spend a little time with you.” I smiled and slid my hands up to his neck, and he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me close. “You’re just wearing a t-shirt and these tiny things.” He slid his hand around to my ass, feeling the back of my lacy panties. “I like that.” He kissed me again and slid his hand under my panties to cup my ass and then push my body into his. I sucked in a deep breath and then his tongue wrestled with mine. I may not have experienced anything earth shattering in the realm of sex yet, but I was still feeling some of the most intense sensations of my life. Just like the other night, I was revving up—for what, I didn’t know, because it hadn’t been exactly spectacular. Oh, yes, up until we lay in the bed, I’d enjoyed one of the most amazing, overwhelming onslaughts of feelings I’d ever felt, and I’d known the first time would be difficult, but it ended on a painful note. And while I’d never take it back, I wanted to try more, feel more, to know what the hype was about. So to feel his hand begin to explore started that overloaded feeling again, and it was one I wanted to enjoy for as long as I could. Like the other night, my nerves were standing at attention, every piece of flesh on my body primed for his touch.

He wasn’t wasting any time now, and he slid his other hand up under my t-shirt and found my naked breast. I gasped again, feeling unprepared for whatever was going to happen next, but unprepared or not, I wanted to move forward. I wanted Ethan to touch me wherever he wanted.

My fingers were coiled through his hair, and he began kissing my neck. He rolled me onto my back and started grinding up against me, just like he had the week before against the wall. My legs were spread apart with his legs in between, and I hoped this time would be better. No, I knew it would be. But Ethan didn’t take his jeans off. Instead, leaning over to kiss me again, he slid his hand into my panties and began feeling his way around.