Bullet(50)

When I stuck my head out the door, I saw Ethan. Oh, goodness, he looked extra cute in the shadow of our tiny hallway. His hair was growing out, adding to his ever-mysterious look, and over the past few weeks, he’d been working on a goatee. I didn’t exactly mind seeing him there, but I wasn’t decent. I was in one of those positions I knew my dad had worried about. But that was okay. It was just my head out the door. “What’s up?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Can I come in for a second?”

I hesitated. “Um…sure.”

I think I took his breath away. He must have been expecting to see me in the robe. When he walked in, he took me in for longer than he should and closed the door behind him. But then he said, “Seriously, Val. Sorry you had to hear that shit in the other room.”

I smiled. “Not a big deal.”

He got close and wrapped his hands around my waist. “Only one girl I’m thinking about right now.” Oh…I hoped that was true. He brought his lips to mine in a soft, sweet kiss, but that only lasted for a few seconds. We turned passionate quickly, and before I knew it, my back was pressed against the wall. My hands that had been spread against his chest soon slithered up to his neck, and I slid my hands into his hair. His hands moved to cup my ass, and his touch sent a shiver through all my nerve endings. I was beginning to feel sensations that I’d rarely felt, but I was enjoying them.

He lifted me up, and in a natural motion, I wrapped my legs around his so he was pressing right into me. Oh…his penis was hard and pressing into that one area…the one that I’d had to ignore and deny my entire life. I had put it into a figurative box, locked away, trapped, and the only time I’d had contact with it was in the shower when I cleaned it. I’d only ever touched myself in the most clinical of ways, blushing when I’d do a breast exam and thinking about upcoming science tests or the cold weather when I’d wash my vaginal area. But now it was awakened. I’d felt the first tinglings before when I’d gotten overly friendly with Brad, but this was an intense sensation. He was pressing into me, and it made me feel desperate, urgent. I didn’t notice at first that my breathing had changed.

Ethan broke off our kiss and looked me in the eyes. He looked like an animal, fierce and needy, and I wanted him. Just seeing him like that made every single fiber in my body stand at attention, and I wondered if I looked like he did. I thought I saw an inkling of a smile in his eyes. “You like that?”

I knew what he was talking about, but the words were gone. I was breathless.

He ground himself into me, and I gasped. Oh, yes. Oh, hell, yes. I liked it. But I still couldn’t say anything. He knew, though, by the sharp intake of air into my lungs that I more than liked it, and he buried me in a kiss again.

I knew then what my body was made for, and now I knew why my mother and father had tried so desperately to hide it from me. Sweet heavens above, I wanted nothing else now, and as that boy’s manhood continued to awaken my hidden desires, I knew my virginity was soon to be forgotten.

Ethan broke off the kiss again to look at me. “God, I want you.”

My voice sounded foreign to my own ears—throaty, hoarse. “I want you too.”

I saw it register with him, and I guess I was lucky he didn’t take me right then and there. But he restrained himself. “Not now. Your first time…can’t be a quick f*ck up against a wall.” His eyes looked tender when he said, “Soon. When the time is right.”

Now I felt desperate, but I hoped I didn’t sound brazen. “When will be the right time?”

His eyes searched mine. “Soon. I promise. I’ll take care of it.” He kissed me again and then held me close, my legs still around him. He nuzzled my neck, and that didn’t help. Then he looked at me again. “I should go.”

And then I wanted to ask him why he had to leave…why we couldn’t just make love right then and there. But I knew…I knew I didn’t want to lose my virginity when there were three other guys in the next room in an apartment with paper-thin walls. I was going to have to trust Ethan. He had a plan—I could see that in his eyes. He lowered me back down to the floor and held me close, willing his hard on to go down, but he kissed me once more. Then he touched his nose to mine. “Soon. But get your rest.”

Yeah. Like I could sleep now. Instead, I lay in bed for hours, now intensely aware of Ethan’s nearby presence. I could hear his voice now and then in the living room. Knowing he was there, so close…well, it was next to impossible for me to sleep. All my nerves were on alert, and I couldn’t calm them down enough to sleep, even though earlier, I’d been ready to pass out for days.

I did sleep eventually, though, and the next morning, I slept later, but I still continued my job search. I spread my circle a little wider. I knew eventually I’d get to the point where employers were too far to walk to, but that would be a while, and I hoped I’d find a job before then.

I continued my job search all week but hadn’t heard anything. Our first show that weekend, though, was spectacular. The best part was being closer by. And Brad had lined up two shows that weekend, so we were busy, and I was tired. But I was happy.

Sunday afternoon, Ethan asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so we did. It was the first day since we’d moved that I could tell that fall was on the way. The temperature was mild, and the day was sunny but not too hot.

He grabbed my hand as we took our time walking down the sidewalk. “I have Plan A and Plan B,” he said.

I grinned, relishing the feel of his skin touching mine, even if it was just my hand. “Okay. And what would those be?”

“Plan A is to convince Brad that he needs to take Zane and Nick home for a day or two, visit family. Plan B is I take you out somewhere, and we find a place for a night—hotel or somethin’.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

“Plan C…we just go for it.”

“I don’t want you to have to spend a bunch of money on me, Ethan. We’re all strapped.”

He looked at me then, an intense, hardcore gaze, one that reminded me of why I was so smitten with him in the first place. I saw his pupils widen just a touch, and that was enough for my breath to stop for just a second. Then he took my face in his hands and brought my lips to his. He drowned me in a kiss, one that took me from zero to sixty in half a second…one that reminded me that I wanted more…so much more. I grabbed his t-shirt in my fists at about pec level just to try to keep myself in check. I didn’t remember ever wanting anything so badly in my life, and my breathing was shallow when he removed his lips from mine.

“Fuck it.” My eyes were questioning him. “Let’s do it. Tonight.”

“It?”

“Yeah. Let me make love to you.”

“Seriously? Tonight?” Now, though, I was starting to freak out. I was a little nervous, a lot excited, but Ethan talking about our roommates in the other room started making me feel a little weird about the whole thing. But he already had that figured out in his head too.

“Yeah. Let’s just go somewhere.” I know the look on my face had to be one of fear and confusion, because I was thinking a park, a bathroom stall, or wherever. But then he said, “We’ll go to one of the motels we stayed in while we were touring this summer.”

That sounded much better. I felt a shy grin spread across my face. “Okay.”

“Would you rather go out to eat or just get takeout?”

“Do we have to eat?”

He smiled. “No…”

“Takeout’s fine.”

As we walked back to the apartment—quickly—I mentally whispered a silent goodbye to my virginity. She’d worn out her welcome, and I was ready to become a real woman. I could hardly wait.





Chapter Twenty-two



TRYING NOT TO make a big deal out of it was difficult. Brad and Zane were working out some music in the big bedroom when Ethan and I got back, and Nick was on the computer. I couldn’t be sure, but I guessed he was checking out some porn, just based on the abashed look on his face when we walked in. At least I was able to see his hands.

Ethan followed me to my bedroom, giving me another long, luxurious kiss, maybe to remind me that I really wanted to follow through. I grabbed a small bag and put a change of clothes inside, but I didn’t imagine I’d need much of anything else. I didn’t even know if we were going to spend the night. Ethan said, “Wait just a minute,” and left my room, only to return a few minutes later. He had half a bottle of vodka and a grin on his face. “Can you fit this in your bag?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

We left a few minutes later, and as we were walking down the stairs toward the parking garage, Ethan said, “I didn’t say anything, except to tell them to not make us dinner and not to wait up for us.”