Bullet(48)

Fair enough. “I wanted to be safe.”

“With Brad.”

I had to be honest. “Yeah, with Brad. We’d…” Shit, this was hard. I looked out the side window again. “Things got a little…heated, and I wanted to be safe.”

“Did I do that to you?”

I felt my cheeks growing hot. “Do what?”

“Make you feel heated?”

“Yeah…you did.”

He seemed satisfied with my answer. We didn’t say anything else the rest of the way to Denver. Throughout the summer, we’d been driving into the city at night, and I’d been dazzled by the bright lights against the dark backdrop. Seeing the city in the daytime, though…floored me. It was huge. I was a small town girl. But Denver…it stretched on and on. To the west, it butted up against the mountains and to the east, it sprawled and stretched as far as my eyes could see. And to the north? I had no idea if the city ever really ended. Yes, I believed Brad was right when he said we’d have so many places to play, we’d never reach the end. Could we get noticed, though? Would we be able to make it? It remained to be seen, but that he had that unshakable faith helped me believe it too. That didn’t, however, make me feel any less overwhelmed by the sight of the metropolis spread forth in front of me.

Ethan navigated the traffic like a pro. It was before rush hour, so even though the traffic seemed crazy to me at the time, it was actually pretty light. After a while, we reached our destination in a small dark parking garage. I was glad to be able to get out of the truck and stretch.

Ethan joined me on the passenger side of the truck. I asked, “How many trips do you think it’ll take us to haul all my crap up to our place?”

He smiled and shrugged. “We’ll make the guys help.” Without warning, he closed the gap between us, his hands on my hips. His touch was aggressive, and I felt breathless. My back was pressed against the warm, smooth side of his truck, and I noticed my hands were cupping his biceps. “I just want to make it clear. Unlike Brad, I didn’t make your dad any promises.” He smothered me in a soul-searching kiss that I felt clear to the tips of my toes. The muscles throughout my body grew taut, aching for his touch. Yes, I wanted Ethan. I’d always wanted Ethan. I loved him and maybe, finally, we could explore the relationship he’d denied us before. As my tongue fought against his and my hands wound through his hair, I at last had hope that we could try.





Chapter Twenty-one



I CAME TO the conclusion that I had been a spoiled, pampered child my entire life. Why? Well, I hadn’t been impressed with my dorm room my freshman year in college, but I hadn’t minded the austere, plain feel of the rooms. After all, I was there to learn, not to feel like I was staying in a resort. But my new digs were anything but comfortable.

I knew I had no right to complain. We had a place that protected us from the elements. Everything inside worked—the shower, the toilet, the lights, the oven, you name it. But it felt old and uncared for. The walls were supposed to be white, but they were dingy. The carpeting in the living room was rust colored. It was worn and had seen better days. The kitchen table was past the point of looking distressed. It was just old. The linoleum in the kitchen had chips and dents in it and, around the stove, there were burn holes. The fixtures in the bathroom were all green and looked like they were thirty or forty years old.

I tried to keep a positive attitude, but I could tell the place could get me down. My two pieces of luggage and three boxes sat in a corner of the smaller bedroom, and the five of us met in the living room to discuss our arrangements. I wasn’t a good enough actress to hide my dismay. I hadn’t had enough time to work on hiding how I really felt, and Brad noticed. “What’s wrong, Val?”

I let out a breath. “I know we checked out this place before, and it was all we could afford, but am I the only one who thinks it’s depressing here?”

His smile was gentle. “Yeah…it’s not the greatest. But it’ll be what we make it, right? Besides, we don’t want to spend much time here anyway. We want to be out playing gigs all the time. Am I right?”

I forced a smile back. He was right. I nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know how much practice we’ll be able to get in, guys, at least plugged in. We’ll have to check with our neighbors…”

“We don’t have to crank it.”

“It just gonna be harder to write new stuff, but we’ll manage. The big bedroom’s on the corner of the building, so if we’re gonna plug in and practice, I think that’s where we need to.” The guys agreed. “Now…living arrangements. I really think Val should have the little bedroom, the one with the twin bed.”

“That doesn’t seem fair, Brad. There’s one of me and four of you. I can sleep on the couch, and you guys can share the rooms.”

“Bullshit. I promised your dad we’d keep our hands off.”

“That doesn’t mean I need my own bedroom.”

“It does in my mind. You need a place where you can feel safe, where you can have some privacy. You won’t have to worry about one of us walking in while you’re changing clothes or staring at you while you’re sleeping.”

I started giggling. “Should I have had to worry about that before?”

Brad smiled, but he was all business now. He was again taking on his role as our natural leader. “Now…as to the other bedroom, we’re not gonna fight over it. Us guys are gonna share. We bought two cots today at an army surplus store for cheap, and when we’re not using them, we can store them in the closet over there. Not the best plan, but it works.”

Ethan said, “So we’re just gonna use the big bedroom for our gear?”

“No. One of us will sleep on that bed, one on the couch, two on the cots in the living room. We’re gonna get a calendar, and each one of us will get the bedroom the same amount of days every month on a rotating basis.”

Nick said, “I don’t give a shit where I sleep, man.”

Zane elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, but if you have a girl wants to get friendly with you…”

Quiet Nick made my jaw drop. “I don’t give a shit where I f*ck, man.”

Zane started laughing. “No, but she might.”

Brad started in again. “We’ll arrange the details tomorrow, and I think we need to schedule chores too. Don’t give me that look, Ethan. You know goddamned well that if we don’t map out who has to take out the trash that we’ll live like pigs, and Val will get stuck cleaning up, just because she actually gives a shit. Right?”

I smiled. Brad always seemed to have my back, and I was beginning to appreciate how much thought he’d given everything.

Ethan said, “Fine. Whatever. But don’t expect me to wash dishes every day.”

“No one’s gonna expect that. So…there’s a dresser and a closet in each room. Let’s figure out who needs what. Val, if you have extra space in your room for clothes, would you mind sharing?”

“No problem. I’ll unpack my clothes first.”

And so, even though the place wasn’t comfy cozy, I was going to make an effort to love it…to at least get used to it. Maybe I could find a way to decorate the place without blowing a lot of money—maybe some cheap prints or something that reminded me of home.

So I knew the first step to making this place home was to unpack. The second would be to find things that made me feel comfortable here, but first things first. I had a little closet space and two empty dresser drawers that I said the guys could use. Brad stressed that whoever decided to use it needed to make sure not to put stuff in there they’d “die without.” He really was trying to protect me. My dad would have been thrilled.

That first night, on a new bed with a too-firm mattress and new too-stiff, unlaundered but brand-new sheets, I couldn’t sleep. When I let go of the feeling of being down, I was excited about the future. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I was eager to find out. And my dad had nothing to worry about. I suspected even after what Ethan had said that he was more talk…especially after I found out how he really had put me on some stupid impossible-to-live-up-to pedestal.

I finally did sleep, and when I woke up, I was motivated. I decided I needed to find a job. Yes, making money playing music was the ultimate goal, but I knew we’d need more money than just gig money. I had faith in Brad that he’d keep us plenty busy, but I knew a job would help.

So I got up and showered while the guys were still sleeping. I’d heard them up talking like crazy the night before and having a few beers. I think they were just as excited. We were adults now, living on our own, responsible for everything, and even though it was scary, it was fun too.

I was glad the guys had stocked up on food. I nosed around the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to be quiet because Brad and Zane were on cots and Ethan was on the couch. I didn’t want to wake them. I found a packet of instant oatmeal but then noticed we didn’t have a microwave, and I wondered if we should get one. But we did have two pans, so I heated some water and then ate some hot oatmeal. I just thought it was funny that how much I had taken for granted until I didn’t have it anymore. After eating, I put on makeup and did my hair after getting dressed.