Before I Saw You(16)

Alice could feel a fire starting to rise up inside her. It felt just as destructive as the one that had claimed her body, but this time it was working its way from the inside out. A part of her wanted to bite back. Hit this hateful woman standing in front of her with a thousand spiteful words. But all she had in her armoury was silence. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

You’re not a little girl any more, Alice.

She repeated the words over and over in her mind until she had regained some control. She opened her eyes and smiled.

‘Really? They said you weren’t talking but you won’t even speak to your own mother now? Did the fire take your voice as well as your looks?’

Alice clenched her fists tightly, fingernails digging so deeply into her flesh that she had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from screaming. Their eyes were still locked; it was clear that her mother was not willing to give up. Maybe it would be easier just to speak, but Alice’s silence was obviously more enraging to her mother than an onslaught of insults ever could be. She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

The stand-off lasted for what felt like hours, until finally Alice tore her eyes away and closed them again.

‘Well, if you really have nothing to say to me, I guess I’ll just go.’

With a slight bow of acknowledgement, her mother turned and left. And for the first time since she was a little girl, Alice Gunnersley shed tears for her mother.





14


Alfie





If following a stranger wasn’t considered such a taboo, Alfie would have been tempted to go after the little Irish lady just to make sure she was real. He couldn’t quite believe the words he’d overheard coming from the mouth of the woman he’d seen walk in just twenty minutes ago. She had looked so small and withered it was as though she was merely a paper cut-out of a human being. A small crinkled head peeped out of the collar of her jacket, revealing a face lined with desperation and exasperation. Alfie had assumed it was hearing that her daughter had nearly been killed in a fire that had knocked the wind out of her – how wrong he’d been. Even when she turned back momentarily and caught his eye, there was no emotion in her expression. She was cold through to her core.

Should I have said something?

He spent the rest of the morning on edge. He couldn’t seem to erase the conversation he’d been privy to from his mind. He knew that incidents like this were often best left alone – family drama was difficult enough to navigate when it was your own. He didn’t even know this woman, but to simply ignore what had happened would go against everything he strived to be as a person. Maybe he’d say something tomorrow. Let the dust settle and allow the silence to continue for a little longer. The silence that had now become a permanent fixture, hanging heavy between them like the faded blue curtain itself.

As a way to remove the temptation, Alfie spent most of his morning up and about, hanging out in other people’s cubicles and finding every opportunity to annoy Mr Peterson.

‘Why are you over here again, boy? Can’t you see I’m trying to read?’

‘Agnes has bridge today, so I thought you might fancy the company. Plus, you’ve been on the same page for the last hour, Mr P. Don’t pretend you’re finding it interesting.’

The old man slammed the book down on his bedside table. ‘Well, I definitely can’t concentrate with you nattering away in my ear, can I?’

‘Nope, that was my plan!’ Alfie grinned, pulling out a thick puzzle book.

‘Don’t you ever get sick of doing those things?’

‘Nope.’

‘Fair enough. Make it an easier one today though, my brain hurts already from dealing with you.’

An hour of Sudoku and crosswords later, Alfie’s mind kept drifting back to the same thought.

How was that her mother?

Alfie had always been surrounded by love, and naively he’d assumed everyone else had too. Sure, there were hard times. There were moments when he all but wanted to disown his two older brothers, but despite the scuffles and the bickering there was always love. Alfie felt sick at the thought of what he’d do if that went.

‘Oi. Are you even paying attention, lad? I said, four down is ROTARY.’

‘Sorry, sorry.’ Alfie hurriedly scribbled the letters down.

‘You’d better be. You come over here, disturb my reading time, and then you don’t even have your head in the game!’ The old man tutted.

‘Luckily for me, I don’t need to concentrate. My brain isn’t addled with age like yours, remember?’ He flashed a wicked smile.

‘You’re too cheeky for your own good, Alfie. One day it will bite you in the arse, and when it does I’ll be there rubbing my hands with glee!’ The old man’s face lit up. ‘Now tell me, what more have you found out about her majesty your neighbour?’

Alfie shuffled uncomfortably. ‘Not much.’

‘Pull the other one, will you? I saw that visitor lady going into her cubicle. Didn’t hang around long, did she? What were they saying? You must have heard them!’

For a man of ninety-two, Mr Peterson was exceedingly sharp. Alfie knew those beady eyes and drooping ears never missed a trick.

‘Nothing gets past you, does it?’ He moved closer; he didn’t fancy anyone, especially Sharon, overhearing. ‘It was her mum.’