Be a Doll(35)

“Are you jealous?’’ Once again with that devilish smirk.

“No. I’m just wondering what your modus operandi is.’’

“Usually, I’d either call some woman quite desperate for some attention or I’d go out with a friend to a bar and pick up a woman. But I’m a married man now, and I’m trying to get in my wife’s pants so I’ll wait to resume my normal routine.’’

“Don’t let me hold you back,’’ I retorted and narrowed my eyes on him. My fingers dug in the back of the leather chair. “I’m not going to sleep with you, Mathis.’’

The glint in his eyes flared upon hearing his name coming from my mouth. “Are you sure about that?’’ He pointed at my chest. “Your nipples are taut and we both know the apartment isn’t chilly. And if you think I didn’t notice earlier when you were pressing your thighs together, you’re mistaken. You want me, Lila.’’

Feeling safe with the chair and his desk between us, ensuring me that he couldn’t step closer to me like he enjoyed doing to throw me off, I glared at him and went for honesty. “I’m not going to deny it.’’ I smiled faintly at the brief surprise on his face. “You know you have physical attributes to make any woman aroused without much effort.’’

“You finally seem to see the light.’’ He traced his lip with that damn finger and I couldn’t prevent my eyes from falling to his mouth to watch that move that would drive me over the edge before we were through with this charade of a marriage.

“It’s not because you’re able to arouse me that I’m going to sleep with you. You gave me a chance to stay true to myself, something I hadn’t had in years. I don’t like you, Mathis.’’

“Then why are you in my office now? Are you gloating from seeing that I have a fucking heart after all?’’ The anger peaked, growing so fast it seemed to buzz between us.

I shook my head and turned around. It was a mistake following him. “I came to try to understand you.’’

I took a few steps away, ready to go back to bed and fall asleep before he decided to join me when his voice stopped me in my tracks.

“He drowned. Maxime drowned in the ocean.’’ He cleared his throat when it broke and that voice, so destroyed, made me turn around. He wasn’t looking at me, but at his hands flat on top of the desk on either side of the photograph. “We were on vacation at a beach house and we loved to surf. Our parents would let us go out alone when the weather was good. He drowned that day.’’

He was there. He was there and he blamed himself. It was so evident.

Without thinking or questioning my motivations, I quickly walked to him and bent down. His scent invaded my nostrils, drawing out a shiver from deep within to better remind me that my husband didn’t leave me indifferent even if I wanted him to. And then, I kissed his cheek covered by the day’s stubble darkening his skin. It was a barely brush of lips against a cheek, but it shocked me. My lips tingled so much I had to bring a hand to them. I quickly took a step back as his eyes found mine, lost and full of questions I couldn’t answer even if I wanted.

“It’s not your fault,’’ I mumbled and took another step back.

“You don’t know anything,’’ he whispered and brought a hand to his cheek where I kissed him. “I never said it was my fault.’’

“You don’t have to. It’s written in your eyes.’’

Then, I turned around and flew back to the bedroom. I didn’t stop, not even when he faintly called my name right before I left the threshold of his office.

Havoc reigned on me, both on my body and in my head.

***





MATHIS


I heard her before I saw her. Sipping my black coffee standing with a hip leaned against the large kitchen island, I watched as Lila strode in perched on high heels. She stopped behind the bar marking the separation between the open-floor kitchen and the living room, her tired cornflower blue eyes on me. With the makeup enhancing the color and the shape of her eyes, I found myself taken by the sight of my wife, remembering the effect her simple and innocent kiss on my cheek from last night had on me. I moved closer to the island and hid the growing bulge in my pants, not feeling like flashing her at six in the morning after the hell of a day we had had.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you,’’ she said with a distant voice that contradicted completely with how things had been left last night. Her eyes traveled over me and took in with more attention my unshaved face before she locked her eyes on mine.

“I don’t leave before seven in the morning, unless I have something waiting for me at work regarding a company overseas.’’ I took another sip of my coffee without looking away from my wife as she nodded and finally rounded the bar to get to the coffee machine. In no time she nursed her own cup and took a seat at one of the high chairs behind the far side of the island.

I took my time to delict myself with the view she offered me in her tight anthracite capri pants and her flowing puffy white blouse hinting at her gorgeous breasts underneath. Lila had a body like I rarely had the chance of seeing and she had me growing harder by the minute as images of the things I’d like to do to her invaded my mind still in shambles from the day before.

As usual, thinking of sex made everything easier to deal with, rendering the constant threat of a panic attack more distant.