Be a Doll(33)

Why did I care that anything happened to Mathis Grimes?

He might be my husband for the next few years at best, it didn’t mean that we were a couple in any sense of the word.

I let my hands drift over my thighs covered by the silk of my pajama pants and sighed, willing sleep to take away all these thoughts running wild through my head, willing sleep to make me forget how affected I was when he came so close to me in the street and looked at me in such a way I felt it in the deepest parts of me, making me want to fidget indecently while his touch seared my skin to the bones.

“What’s wrong?’’ he asked me with a rough voice that rumbled in the quiet night until it seeped through me and made me shiver.

I stopped breathing for a second before I gathered my wits and turned my head to the side. I couldn’t see him clearly, but I knew he was watching me. Already, my breasts naked under the top of my pajamas started to feel heavier with a dark desire I hated. My body betrayed me just because it hadn’t had the kind of attention it craved in a long time and because the man lying next to me was good looking. My body didn’t care of my dislike I felt toward that man.

“Nothing’s wrong.’’

“Really? Are you saying that you’re not replaying what happened tonight?’’ he pressed on and I could hear the smirk around his words.

I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and sighed. “Are you?’’

I expected him to deny it and retort with something vulgar or demeaning, but instead he cleared his throat and brought a hand under his head to support it as he kept on looking at me. “I was wondering what you know about my brother. It sounded like you knew something. I didn’t realize it until we got to bed.’’

I winced and fixed my eyes on the high ceiling lost in the dark above us. “Your mother told me you had a twin brother and he died when you two were thirteen. I don’t know anything else.’’

“When did she tell you that?’’

Suddenly hot with discomfort, I pulled the sheet down until it rested at my waist and uncovered my bare arms. “Right before the wedding ceremony. I think she wanted to… hm… make sure that I saw you in a different light.’’

He snorted then and moved around. The bed caved slightly more as he came closer to me until I felt his body heat without feeling his touch whatsoever. It was more difficult to ignore the weight of his stare on me. I glanced sideways and bit on my lip when I realized that I could see his face quite clearly now too.

“Did it work?’’

His gruff voice forced goosebumps onto my skin as, without really knowing why, I let my gaze get lost in his. The intensity, the agony I glimpsed in there had my heart hammering in my chest almost to the point of pain.

“I didn’t try to escape so I suppose it did.’’ I watched his frown deepening. “I don’t know what happened to your brother and I’m aware it’s none of my business. I won’t be asking anything.’’

“Why not? Isn’t it what people do when they learn something tragic happened to someone they know?’’

“Nosey people do, friends too and family members of course. But we’re none of those things.’’

Gently, almost as if doubting his own move, he traced my cheekbone quite the same way he had done earlier in the street. This time, though, in the quiet and privacy of the room and the night hiding away the world outside, it felt different. It became harder to swallow and breathe. When his finger met my lower lip I couldn’t contain the gasp inside.

“You’re my wife. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it, you’re mine, Lila. Mine.’’

He pulled his hand away and traced his own lips with the tip of the same finger that had been on mine seconds before. My whole body reacted to that tiny move. I pressed my thighs together and crossed my legs at the ankles.

“Does that mean you’re going to tell me what happened? Or is it that you wanting me to ask so you have some proof that you’re getting to me?’’

“Tell you what, my little wife,’’ he said, trying to muster up some condescension in his voice, but it fell flat. Maybe it was because he was whispering, maybe because he was tired, but somehow it sounded more sad than anything else. I bet he wouldn’t have any trouble using his cold exterior in another setting when he could protect himself with his confidence, his suits and wealth. Right about now, he was a hurt son, a grieving brother and a man lost in his own thoughts. That Mathis intrigued me too much for my own good and it scared me. “While you don’t want to say that I affect you, or at least your body, I’m going to say that you make me want to fuck you. Even now when my fucking mind is nowhere near the right frame to do so. I’d enjoy it immensely to use your perfect body to lose myself for a few hours. I’d have a really good time winning our little standoff and forgetting my damn past, but I’m not going to do anything tonight and I won’t ask you to prove to me that I affect you because I don’t need it. I know you want me.’’ He sighed and pursued in a more subdued voice. “My brother was my best friend, my better half. He was everything I wasn’t, everything my father wanted in a son. The wrong twin died that day.’’

He threw off the covers and jumped to his feet. He left the bedroom without another word as his labored breathing filled the silence until he disappeared deeper in the apartment and away from the master bedroom.