A Life More Complete(83)

Tyler: You home? I’m 10 minutes away.

Me: Yep.

I pace my house for what seems like hours. I can’t seem to settle down. My nerves are fried and my body will not stop perspiring. I’m sweating from parts of my body that I didn’t even know could sweat. I race into the bathroom and wash my face. I try to sit on the couch, but the seconds tick by so slowly that I feel like I just might scream. When he finally knocks on my door I can’t open it fast enough.

He is standing in the doorway with his eyes cast down and his hands in his pockets. I step aside to let him enter. Neither of us says a word until the door closes behind us.

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” he says pulling me into his arms. “I’m so sorry. Please let me make this right.” He buries his face in my neck. If I had any intention of remaining stoic all bets are off now. His vulnerability is shocking and when he drops to his knees and cradles my stomach with his hands I realize there’s no turning back.





---Chapter 25---





“Take me back,” he says.

I can’t even speak. It’s like a dream, the kind where you scream but no sound comes out, where you try to run but your legs won’t move. I can see his mouth moving but the words are falling on deaf ears. I’m in a state of shock. My expectation of Tyler’s reaction was set so low that his actual reaction knocks the wind out of me.

“This has been the worst four weeks of my life.” His honesty alarms me and I wish I could say the same thing. For the last four weeks I’ve felt freer and calmer than I had since Tyler walked back into my life. My anxiety and OCD had diminished without his constant badgering and judgment. Even with all the positives that recently began occurring I feel the need to welcome him back and make everything whole again. “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. I want desperately to work this out,” he says pulling me against his chest once again.

“Ty, I’m all for trying to work this out for the sake of the baby, but things need to change. You can’t constantly be telling me what to do and you especially can’t continue to say things to me that you damn well know are rude and disrespectful.”

He stares at me just long enough for me to begin to question everything that came from my mouth. Every moment with him from the time we met has been a roller coaster ride. Yet, despite the turmoil and the tumultuousness of the relationship, I love him.

“You can’t speak to me as if I am an errant child who’s not obeying. It’s embarrassing and demeaning. If we are going to make this work, we need to make some changes.” Once again my words are firm, but his response is still blank. “Tyler? Did you really think you were going to come here and tell me you miss me and I was going to cave? Four weeks is a long time, enough time for me to realize you treated me like shit all over again.” I pause waiting for him to respond. I want to scream at him as he stares at me with a dumb look on his face. “What the f*ck Tyler? Did you have a stroke? Say something.”

I begin to walk away as he grabs my wrist yanking me back over to him. “I don’t know what to say. Everything you said is true. I can’t lose you and the baby. I need you both. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make you stay.”

“Well that’s good because we’re a package deal. Two for the price of one. Are you in?” He smiles at my comment and I feel my heart begin to beat rapidly.

“Yes. I’m in. That is if you can tolerate me. I hear I can be a pain in the ass.”

We make our way over to the couch and I ask him if he wants to see the pregnancy tests. I return from the bedroom with the Ziplock bag and he takes it from my hand.

“Well, they’re definitely positive. All three. Three? Really? Seems a bit over the top even for you,” he says jokingly.

“I had to be certain. I was certain I was not. We’d been careful, but I guess not careful enough.” I hesitate and then tell him just how deep my attention to detail really goes. “I actually called the condom company after the third positive test. I’m pretty sure the girl who answered is still cowering in the corner. I laid into her on the effectiveness of the product that I so aptly claimed she played a part in creating. Oh, that poor girl. She really got an earful from me about the eighty-five percent effectiveness rating.”

Tyler laughs, but it’s forced. There’s something he’s not telling me and I know for certain when he looks away suddenly. “Tyler?”