A Life More Complete(81)

“Seriously Krissy, are you alright? You call me after midnight and leave some ambiguous message. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Tears fall, soaking my pillow as I finally find my words. “No, not really. But I will be. I have to tell you something and I’m sorry that I’m doing this over the phone. This is not how I wanted this to be...”

Interrupting me, his tone is clipped and I can tell he’s losing patience with my ramblings. “What? I’m really tired and I wouldn’t have called you back but your message was strange.”

“Ty, I’m pregnant.” The line is completely silent. “Ty?” I question, checking to make sure he didn’t hang up.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

My hands begin to shake even more than I ever thought possible and my jaw is clenched so tightly I know I’ll wake up with a headache tomorrow. I figured he wouldn’t have much to say, but I really never expected complete silence. The only thing I can hear through the phone is the sound of my own whimpering. My overwhelming need to fill the silence takes over.

“I never meant for this to happen and to be honest with you I don’t even know how it happened. We were always careful and my period is never late, so I took a pregnancy test, well actually I took three like six hours ago and well...” I’m rambling so badly now I’m even embarrassing myself, but I can’t stop. “Obviously the tests were positive, well I think they were all positive one was rather complicated, so I don’t actually know, but the other two...”

“Stop. Please stop for just a second,” he interrupts.

“Okay,” I mumble softly. He stays quiet again for too long and I can’t help myself. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I even debated about not calling you. I’ve decided to keep the baby. That decision was far easier than what I’m doing right now.”

“You debated not calling me?” The tone in his voice makes me feel stupid. “And then what? Were you going to go on and have the baby and act like I didn’t even exist?”

“No, I guess not. I never even thought that far ahead. I don’t know what I was thinking. This is new for me too.” I wipe my face across the pillow to dry away the tears. Tyler blows out a long breath of air and waits again before speaking.

“I’m in Chicago. I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Why don’t we talk about it then? I’ll come by after I get in.” His voice is stern, but not as harsh as the beginning of our conversation.

“I’m sorry,” I say out of habit. What I can’t tell him is that I want him here with me right now. I need him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything is going to okay.

“It’s okay, Krissy. It’s going to be fine. Thank you for calling. I’ll text you before I come tomorrow.”

The small bit of reassurance I get from him makes my stomach tense and the tears begin to flow again. And all I can think is maybe he does care.

“Okay. I’m not going to work tomorrow, so I’ll be home all day. Just come by.” I don’t want to hang up. Just hearing his voice and the small inkling of support makes me want to beg him to take me back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Krissy.” He hangs up before I can say another word. I curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. The combination of guilt, mixed with missing him and the struggle to find happiness amongst the mess of sadness is hard to bear, in addition to my hormone ravaged body that is still craving that damn Baconator or at least a Double-Double with cheese.





---Chapter 24---





I’m up with the dawn the next day and even in the morning light my decision hasn’t wavered. After I lay in bed watching TV for half the morning, I finally decide to shower. Opening the linen closet in my bathroom I pull out two clean towels and set them on the toilet. My hand digs under the pile of sheets to reveal the three pregnancy tests from yesterday. The day felt so surreal that I feel the need to verify that my day wasn’t just a dream. But there are the results right in front of my face, almost appearing darker than I remember. I smile and chuckle a little as I stuff the bag back in its hiding place. I climb in the shower and let the hot water rush over me. I look down at my stomach, which to me already appears rounder. Putting my hands on it I can’t help but be overcome with emotion. “Peanut, we’re in this for the long haul. You’re stuck with me for the next eighteen plus years and there won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t love you,” I say knowing that I mean every word.