A Life More Complete(46)
“I’m not yours anymore.” My voice is weak and I’m not surprised by the conflict I hear in it.
“But you want to be,” he replies smiling wickedly. I breathe in and out in rapid succession, three quick breaths. All control is gone.
I shake my head, trying to clear it as he takes ahold of my wrist. Leaning in closely his lips brush my cheek and a burn takes over, pooling in my stomach. I swallow hard when his hushed voice spreads into my ear, “Good night, Krissy.” He rubs against me as he walks out the door.
My mouth falls open and I can barely speak. My thoughts are scrambled and I struggle to find the words I need to say. The words I so desperately need to leave my mouth, the ones that will make him stay. I don’t want him to walk away, not like this.
My legs finally move, yet my voice stays silent. Tyler is halfway down the stairs of my house when I call to him. “Wait.” Yet after that I have nothing. When he looks at me his eyes make my knees weak and he runs his hand through his hair, each blonde curl slides effortlessly through his fingers and my body betrays me once again. How does he do this to me?
“Why?” he questions with a smug grin on his face.
I take a deep breath, but my response still comes out uncontrolled and far more needy than I intend. “I want you to stay.”
“You want me to stay or you need me to stay?” He begins to walk back toward me taking the steps two at a time. Within seconds we’re face to face and my heart begins to beat erratically, sweaty palms take over and I wipe my hands on my thighs.
“Tyler, don’t,” I say trying to sound confident, but I fail. He moves closer and his lips are practically touching mine. I can feel his warm breath against my mouth and my body screams to kiss him. I lick my lips and I feel a smile form on his.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t do this to me.” My fingers begin to tap and he clutches my hand. He’s totally composed and I’m falling to pieces.
“If you only knew the things I want to do to you.” He laughs and steps back slightly. “You wouldn’t be standing this close to me right now. So, are you going to ask me again?”
“Please stay.”
“Of course I will,” he says, “you begged.”
“I’m not going to sleep with you,” I say as I attempt to confidently stride back into my house. Tyler follows closely behind and I can hear him chuckle under his breath, which only makes me want to stand firm with my choice. I walk into the kitchen and I open the refrigerator and the blast of cool air hits me in the face, but my skin still remains hot and overly sensitive. I take two beers and hand one to Tyler. He follows me into the living room. When we are sitting on the couch he turns to me and says, “I’ve missed you Krissy. Can we try again? Put the past behind us. Start over.”
Kissing Tyler has clouded my vision and made me want him even more. I feel vulnerable and scared that my life will be forever spent single and hating my job. I suddenly feel the need to be loved by someone...anyone. It’s easy to lose myself in him like I have done so many times before. He makes me forget how terrible things used to be between us, just his presence fuels my need to make it right.
“Okay, I say. “How far back should we go because I’m pretty sure I can’t re-instate my virginity?”
He laughs and pulls me onto his lap wrapping his arms around me. I go willingly, not fighting even though something in me tells me I need to be careful. I close my eyes and think that maybe it will be okay.
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? Touching you again, the way you smell, just because I left doesn’t mean I ever stopped wanting you.” It takes seconds for the memories to surface; the familiarity of being close to him brings me back, taking me through our past.
As if Tyler can hear my thoughts, he says, “I think fate was trying to tell us something the day we met. The last names, all those classes, don’t you think?”
“When? The first day of our sophomore year?”
“Yeah, I still remember trying to get you to talk to me. You were so difficult. You just ignored me.”
“I didn’t ignore you!” I say, shouting. “I was scared of you. You intimidated me.”
“You would’ve never known. I just thought you didn’t like me. It wasn’t until that party at Gia’s house that you finally broke down and actually talked to me.”
“What are you talking about? I talked to you every day in class that week.” I’d forgotten about that party. Gia’s parents went out of town and her brother Christopher and some of his friends bought a bunch of liquor with fake ID’s. “I remember when you walked into her backyard.” I smile as I picture him. He looked out of place. My crowd wasn’t his style, but I didn’t care. He looked adorable, his hair curlier than usual from the humidity.