A Life More Complete(49)

“I love it,” I tell him.

“Really?” he asks and I nod my head. He takes my hand as we are standing on the balcony. He tells the agent to write up the lease. She has that look of satisfaction on her face. He asks her about a six month lease and she tells him that they’d really like to do a year, but she’ll check. This statement makes me uneasy. Six months, why? Instead of just wondering and letting my imagination lead me to stupid theories and misguided thoughts, I decide to ask.

“Why only six months?”

“Relax, kid,” he says and I don’t cringe inwardly like I used to at his nickname. “I’m sticking around. I know what you’re thinking,” he says as he pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. “I don’t think we’ll want to stay here that long. I know you love the beach.”

“I have a home, Tyler,” I say trying not to sound too demanding.

“I know. I thought maybe you could stay with me sometimes and when you’re ready we’ll move in together.” Geez, he’s moving awfully fast. I’m not sure I’m okay with the direction this is heading, but I go with it. “No pressure,” he says. He tells Jordan to find out about the six month lease before he’ll sign anything and she agrees to get back to him tonight.

“I think you and your,” Jordan hesitates, “girlfriend will be pleased with the property. Did you see the bathtub?” she asks me.

“Yes, I did. Wonderful,” I say.

“It’s an amazing house. I think you’ll love living here.”

And before I can control myself I announce, “Oh, I’m not moving in here. I have a place in Manhattan Beach.” I see the smile fade from Tyler’s face and Jordan perks up a bit. Guilt washes over me. He is trying so hard and I just won’t let him. I lean closer to him and whisper, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Just try for me. Please.” I apologize again. We get in the car and ride back to my house in silence. I don’t know what to say. It all comes rushing back, unfiltered thoughts of us, old memories of the barriers I put up to keep myself from getting too involved because of what happened in the past. I’m at that point again. I can’t seem to let go. I never thought there would be a time in my life when I would say I’m too independent, but here it is. My biggest failure was somehow the one thing that people strive for. I longed so badly for Tyler to love me, in the end it is me who is keeping it from happening. I reach over and put my hand on the back of Tyler’s neck and he closes his eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Ty. That really came out all wrong. This is all so new. We just got back together yesterday and I know it seems longer than that given our history, but it’s still only been one day. And you’re still married.” I feel like I’m rambling; yet I keep going. “I’ve been living on my own for what seems like forever. I like my freedom. I like my independence, but I also know it’s my biggest hindrance. I’ll work on it. But I also need you to understand that even though things are really good right now, we still have issues. I need to learn to trust you again and given our past it will be an uphill battle. And I want...” He interrupts me, suddenly.

“Krissy, will you just shut up?” I’m taken aback by his abrupt tone and his words. “I love you and I love your independent-I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. Sometimes you’re hard to take, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. If it were easy all the time I wouldn’t try so damn hard.” He sighs quietly. “My divorce will be final next week.” I, too breathe a sigh of relief. I decide to text Melinda.

Me: I slept with Tyler.

Melinda: You slut. I told you.

Me: Bitch

Melinda: Slut

Me: All name calling aside. He was amazing.

Melinda: Are you surprised? I’m jealous. I need to get laid.

Me: Hahaha. He’s still married. Does that make me a slut?

Melinda: I’ll have to consult Webster’s but I don’t think so. Don’t screw this one up.

Me: I won’t. I want you to meet him for real. No bullshit, got it?

Melinda: What are you talking about? I would never...

Me: Whatever. You busy tonight?

Melinda: Let me check...Nope. Am I ever?

Me: Work?

Melinda: Nothing on the calendar for tonight. Dinner and drinks?

Me: Yep. Mario’s or the Cantina?

Melinda: The Cantina. 7?

Me. Sure. Don’t call me a slut. It makes me self-conscious.