A Life More Complete(21)

“Why didn’t you fly into Madison?” David asks smirking.

“You know why, you *! That shitty 40 passenger plane scares the crap out of me. The last time I took that flight, I swear that damn plane was going to crash. The turbulence was awful.” The funny part of this story is that with my job I have flown on seaplanes that seated six and private jets, helicopters and pretty much every aircraft ever made, so my fear of small planes ended quickly with the exception of flying from Chicago to Madison. I still couldn’t bring myself to get on a plane with the intent of flying that short of a distance. When I was on that fateful flight I prayed to God that if he kept the plane flying I would never waste time on something so tedious. I saw it as a sign when it didn’t crash and even though I wasn’t a serious churchgoer I owed it to God for possibly saving my ass from plummeting to my death in a run-down regional jet somewhere over Rockford.

“I love that story,” David says. “It wasn’t that bad. You can be so dramatic sometimes.”

“Your face was priceless,” Gia joins in. “I think you even screamed out loud once. The flight attendant gave you the evil eye. Remember? I checked your pants when we got off to see if you peed.” I chuck a pillow at her and scowl.

“Okay, enough making fun of me. I overreacted. Better? At least I can admit it now.” I throw my hands up in defeat.

“As stimulating as you two are, I have to go to bed. Someone has to work for a living around here.”

David pecks Gia on the lips and heads to the bedroom. Gia and I sit in silence for a few seconds before she begins again. “So, if I guess why you’re here, will you tell me?”

“No, Gia, I won’t,” I say shaking my head.

“Fine. I won’t ask again,” she admonishes.

“Yes you will, who are you kidding?” I laugh.

“I know, sorry. So, how’s Ben?” she asks changing the subject.

“He’s Ben, totally and utterly perfect.” Just saying his name makes me smile like a fool. Gia looks at me and smiles back.

“He is so adorable,” she says in an exaggerated tone. “So when are you going to admit it?”

“Admit what?” I play dumb, but I know exactly what she’s talking about. My feelings for Ben are so foreign that I can’t even understand how to process them.

“Really? So that’s how it’s going to be? It’s obvious that you love him,” she says shaking her head at me.

“I need a drink.” I roll my eyes at her and leave the room. By the time I reach the kitchen my anxiety is out of control, not because of fear, but because she’s right. I pull another beer from the refrigerator and drink much faster than necessary. When Gia comes into the kitchen, I sigh deeply and wait for her motherly lecture. She’s been like this since we were kids. It’s almost like she feels the need to fill in where my mother failed. She runs her hand through her hair and glares at me.

“I know what you’re doing. Stop avoiding my question and stop pushing him away. Maybe you don’t do it intentionally or maybe you do. I don’t know. I just know you use your job as a shield to hide from relationships, but it’s more than that. You’re not your mother or father. You’re a kind, loving person. You won’t repeat their mistakes and I know Tyler f*cked you up big time, but move on.”

As much as it hurts to hear Gia’s words I know she’s right. I am holding back for all those reasons and more.

“Thanks, Gia. I really needed this,” I whisper.

“Me, too. I’m so glad you’re here. I wish you could stay longer.”

It’s late, far too late for Gia to be up. Knowing her kids will wake at the crack of dawn, we both retire. As I brush my teeth and wash my face I replay Gia’s words in my head “I know Tyler f*cked you up big time, but move on.” Thoughts of Tyler flood my memory and I clench my eyes shut in an attempt to obliterate him from my memory like I’ve done so many times before.

My fingers begin to tap as I climb into bed taking a few deep breaths and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out. I can’t remember a time when I’ve slept so deeply. I wake to the smell of coffee and bacon. I shuffle my way to the kitchen. Gia is at the stove making breakfast—pancakes and bacon. There is fresh fruit on the counter. I grab a strawberry and sit down cross-legged in a kitchen chair. The kids are both staring aimlessly at the television in the family room as it blares some bizarre song about chicken soup with rice.