A Life More Complete(22)
“Morning, Gi.”
“Hey, Krissy. Sleep well?”
“Always. I think it’s the Midwest, does it to me every time,” I say smiling.
“Move back,” she laughs and both of us know that although it’s a joke, she’s serious.
“Maybe.”
Gia shouts for the kids to come eat breakfast and neither of them moves, their eyes glued to the television. I can hear the annoyance in her voice when she calls again, so I offer to take the kids off her hands for a few hours. She agrees without giving it a second thought and shoves all three kids out the door with buckets for strawberry picking. I stop off at the guesthouse and find Trini sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. She looks well and smiles at me when I invite her to join us.
Trini meets us a few minutes later and she’s adorable with the kids. She takes turns carrying Nico and Gianna on her back as we hike our way to the field. She helps them pick far too many strawberries, all of them stuffing their faces until Gianna’s face is smeared with red. Trini stops and takes pictures with her phone of the kids and me. She hands the phone to me and I snap a few of her and the kids. I’ve never seen her so carefree. She has so much pressure and stress, but she trudges through never getting to be a kid herself. It’s like someone has flipped a switch and given her back her childhood, the one she missed so long ago. She catches me staring at her and she smiles, a big beaming bright smile, a real smile; the kind that you feel in your heart. She walks over to me, leaving the kids to gorge themselves on even more strawberries.
“Someday I’m going to be a mom,” she says and tears form in her eyes.
“I know.” I grab her and pull her to me and kiss her cheek. “Love you, baby girl.”
“Love you, too, Krissy. I love it here. Thanks for bringing me. Do you think Gia would care if I never went home?”
“I feel the same way every time I visit. I don’t know what it is, but it’s wonderful.”
The three days we spend at Gia’s fly by far too fast and I feel forced out the door when it is time to leave. Not by Gia or David, or even Trini, but by the looming black hole that waits when I return. My job. The only time I picked up my phone was to text Ben and I fought the urge to check my email or listen to my voicemail. The anxiety is pooling and I know by the time I arrive home it will be out of control. I hug Gia, David and the kids good-bye, promising I’ll be back soon and this time I’ll make good on that promise. Being with Gia made me look at things in a new light. Only three times in my life did I make a conscious decision to forgo my job and my clients for someone else. The birth of Gia’s three kids were the only times I dropped everything and hid from the public. Those were three of the happiest times in my life, and if that’s any indication of how my life should be, then that’s the choice I’m going to make. Gia cries as we drive off and so do I.
Trini and I have a three-hour ride back to Chicago and then a four-hour flight to Los Angeles. Neither of us speaks of the reason for the trip, but the conversation flows easily on both our parts. Trini talks fast and sounds like the eighteen year old that she is. She can’t stop talking about how wonderful Gia is and how lucky I am to have a friend like her and how amazing it is that we’re still friends after so many years.
“I don’t have any real friends. I basically bought all my friends and they still don’t stick around.” She says it so matter of fact that I can feel the pain through her words. “You’re the only friend I have who’s lasted more than a few months and I pay you.”
“I told you before. I am your friend and not because you pay me. We’ve been through a lot together.”
“Thank you, but it’s not the same. You have Gia and Ben and they know you better than anyone. You can be yourself. I saw it. You were a different person, free and happy. I saw your real smile, your real laugh. You’re not happy and I know I’m part of that.”
“We are friends, but unfortunately you’re part of my job too, and I hate my job. That doesn’t mean I hate you or feel differently about you because you’re attached to it. And anyway, you have Luke. It’s been what, two years now?”
“You can’t be serious?” She looks at me with wide eyes and disgust. “I’m not stupid. I don’t love Luke and I never will. He’s an *, but he understands my career and for some reason I can’t walk away from him, even after what happened.”
“At least you can admit it. I spent a long time with a guy who treated me like shit, but I couldn’t admit it to myself. I guess I thought I deserved it in some way.”