The Dilemma(71)

‘It’s alright, Adam, I know.’

I go hot, then cold, then hot again. For a blessed moment, the world recedes, and Livia along with it.

‘No,’ I say, when my vision clears. ‘It’s not possible. You can’t know what I’m going to tell you.’

‘It’s about Marnie, isn’t it?’

My mind fragments. I release her hands abruptly. ‘You – you know?’

‘Yes, and I’m just as devastated as you are.’ Her voice breaks and her eyes fill with tears. ‘What’s going to happen to us all?’

I throw the covers off and get out of bed, unable to be next to her, trying to take it in. She’s upset, but shouldn’t she be distraught? Shouldn’t her heart be broken, shouldn’t she be weeping? She seemed so happy when she came in – she was happy when she came in. How is she still functioning?

‘Adam,’ she pleads, reaching for me.

‘When did you find out?’ I ask harshly, ignoring her outstretched arms.

There’s a split second of hesitation. ‘Yesterday.’

She’s known since yesterday? ‘When, yesterday?’

‘At the party.’

‘What time?’ I snap.

‘Why are you so angry with me? What does it matter what time I found out?’

‘I just want to know if it was after you danced the night away, or before!’

She leaps out of bed and faces me. ‘What about you? It didn’t stop you joking with Rob! Because when did you find out, Adam? Yesterday, before the party had even started! And yet, you still let it go ahead!’

‘I did it for you, Livia! I wanted you to have one last chance to be happy!’

‘Stop being so dramatic! I know it’s going to be difficult, but to say that we’re never going to be happy again—’ She moves closer to me. ‘Look, I know it’s hard for you to accept that Marnie isn’t the angel you think she is, but it’s not the end of the world.’

I stare at her. ‘Wh – what did you say about Marnie?’

‘It’s not the end of the world if she isn’t the angel you think she is. If you’re going to be angry with anyone, be angry with Rob. He’s to blame for all of this.’

I shake my head. I’m struggling to breathe, to think. ‘Liv, what has Rob got to do with it?’

Her eyes go wide. ‘Oh God,’ she says, her hand halfway to her mouth. ‘I thought you knew, I thought you knew it was Rob.’ She searches my face. ‘Did you think it was Max, is that why you were off with him yesterday?’ She puts a hand on my arm. ‘I’m so sorry, Adam, it’s not Max, it’s Rob.’

‘What’s Rob?’ I ask, my voice thick with confusion.

‘It’s Rob who’s having an affair with Marnie. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Adam. Marnie and Rob are having an affair, not Marnie and Max – although that wouldn’t be an affair, because he isn’t married, not like that filthy, cheating, adulterer!’ she finishes angrily.

I thought I’d reached the bottom, I thought that things couldn’t possibly get worse. But what Livia has just said – I can’t even begin to process it. I sink onto the bed. She has to be mistaken. Marnie would never, ever, have an affair with someone like Rob. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do that to Jess, to us. Livia’s made a mistake, she must have.

As if she knows what I’m thinking, she crouches on the floor and leans into me, so that our foreheads are touching.

‘I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true,’ she says quietly, taking my hands in hers. ‘They’ve been having an affair for over a year now. From what Max said, I think it must have started during her first year at Durham. They split up just before she left for Hong Kong. I knew she’d been seeing someone, but I didn’t know it was Rob, it wouldn’t have occurred to me in a million years that it might be. If it had, I would have – I would have…’ Her voice trails off. ‘It’s why she was so unhappy for the first few months there. But then he went to see her, last December, when he was meant to be on that business trip to Singapore, and everything must have started up again.’ She gives a harsh laugh. ‘Oh, and guess what? He didn’t go with Cleo to Hong Kong because Jess didn’t want her to go alone, that was just a story. He went so that he could be with Marnie. I saw him on FaceTime, coming out of the bathroom in the hotel naked. I thought it was a boyfriend, but it was Rob.’

I know she’s speaking. I can feel her breath on my face as the words tumble out of her. But they barely register because all I can think is that she still doesn’t know, she still doesn’t know that Marnie is dead.

I move my head back and find her eyes.

‘Livia, that’s not what I wanted to tell you.’

She looks at me in bewilderment. ‘But you said it was about Marnie.’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘What, then?’

I pull her to her feet and make her sit on the bed next to me, keeping her hands in mine.

‘Livia,’ I say, turning to face her.

‘Is it about the baby?’

The same feeling comes over me, as if I’m living in some kind of parallel world.

‘No, it’s not about the baby,’ I say, my mind unable to keep up, unable to understand why she’s started talking about Kirin’s pregnancy.