The Certainty of Violet & Luke(59)

It’s like she’s trying to tell me something without actually saying the words aloud. I’m pretty sure I know what it is and the pressure that I’ve had in my chest deflates the slightest bit. I don’t want to get my hopes up, don’t want to just assume that maybe she’s finally going to try and get over her adrenaline addiction, but she’s never actually looked like she means it, like she does right now.

‘Alright,’ let’s go get you some coffee, then,’ I say, for once feeling like maybe through all this shit, through everything, just maybe things might be okay.

Violet and I will be okay.





Chapter 23


Violet


Luke is nervous before the game and I find it adorable. Mr Tough Guy all distracted and unable to focus because his dad is coming to watch him play. Plus, it’s a good distraction from what’s going on in my own life. Last night I had a dream, not a nightmare. The dream was fairly simplistic, Luke and I sitting on this hill, staring at this view I had to have made up myself because it was so bright with colors and sunshine, straight out of a painting gorgeous, that there’s no way it could be real. It was the cemetery my parents are buried in, yet it wasn’t – couldn’t be – because I was too at peace with being so close to it. And my heart understood why. Luke was there with me, my safety net. We weren’t even talking, just sitting and enjoying the quiet. Then I’d slipped my hand into his and that’s when I’d woken up, I was oddly enough holding Luke’s hand. And I’d woke up quietly, soft breathing, slightly disoriented, but in a slumbering way. It’d definitely freaked me out, but instead of doing something irrational, I’d gotten out of bed and thrown all of my concentration into my homework. And surprisingly it helped settle me down.

‘So you’ll be okay going up to the stands by yourself, right?’ he asks as he gets ready to leave the apartment. He’s got to go to the stadium quite a bit earlier so I’m going to go with Seth and Greyson later and meet up with Luke’s father and Trevor.

I roll my eyes as I sit on the bed, watching as a scatter-brained Luke wanders around, throwing stuff to take to the game in a duffel bag. ‘Yes, Luke. I promise I’m competent enough to find my way to the massive stadium that takes up half a block.’

‘Okay. Okay.’ He pats his shorts like he’s checking the pockets, even though he doesn’t have pockets. ‘I should get going then.’ He swings his bag over his shoulder and focus on me, then his brows furrow. ‘Why are you looking at me that way?’

I shrug, pressing my lips together to contain my amusement. ‘What way?’

‘Like I’m being funny or something.’

‘Maybe because you are.’

His eyes narrow. ‘What’s going on?’

My amused smile breaks through. ‘It’s nothing. You just are so nervous and I’m finding it amusing.’

‘Well, I’m glad my uneasiness is making you amused.’ He gives me a cold stare, clearing not in a joking mood.

‘I’m sorry.’ I kneel up on the bed and inch toward the edge of it, closing the space between us. ‘It’s just that I’ve never seen you act this way before.’

The hardness in his features softens. ‘Sorry.’ He drops his bag on the floor and huffs out a breath as he rakes his fingers through his hair and starts pacing the floor. ‘I’m just freaking out and I have no idea why. It’s not like this is some special game or anything. It’s the same one I’ve been playing since my junior year, yet it feels like the first one.’

‘It’s because your dad’s coming,’ I say. ‘At least that’s my two cents.’

‘Yeah … And you, too.’ He massages the back of his neck tensely as he stops in front of the bed.

I point at myself, stunned by his confession. ‘Why do I make you nervous?’

‘Why wouldn’t you,’ he says, his gaze locked on mine, his hand still cupping the back of my neck. ‘You mean more to me than him.’ He shrugs as if we’re discussing something as casual as what movie we want to see. ‘More than anyone really.’

Deep breathes, Violet. Do not freak out. You can do this. ‘Well, then I guess you’re in trouble then, because there’s going to be a whole lot of people there cheering you on.’ I put my hands on his shoulders and look him directly in the eye. My fingers are quiver because I’m fighting back the compulsion to simmer down the emotions inside me the old way and I’m sure Luke can feel the tremor. ‘Should I give you a pep talk? I could even pat your ass before you walk out. That’s what football player’s do, right? To get all pumped up and ready to win.’ My voice comes out light and I silent breathe in the relief. I did it. Holy shit.