The Certainty of Violet & Luke(61)

He turns into the parking lot of the university and parks as close as he can. He leaves the engine running and turns into the seat to face me. ‘Do I dare ask what feelings we’re talking about?’

‘I honestly can’t answer that because I don’t know.’ I pause, my mouth opening and closing repeatedly.

‘Violet, this is a safe zone,’ Greyson says, putting a hand on mine. ‘You can say whatever you want without judgment.’

I hate that I have to be reassured, that I’ve become that kind of person, but it is what it is. ‘What’s love like?’ I blurt out like a madwoman.

It’s clear I’ve shocked him and that this wasn’t the question he wasn’t expecting me to ask. As he takes in the entire meaning of what I just said, his eyes fill with sadness. I half expect him to say something about being so sorry that I don’t know the answer to this, but he doesn’t and it makes me like him that much more.

‘It’s like falling and flying at the same time.’ He shakes his head and then waves it off. ‘Sorry, that was a bad analogy. Let me try that again.’ He mulls over it for a minute, gazing off, a smile forming before he clears his throat and returns his concentration to me. ‘You know I can actually remember that exact moment I did fall in love. It was so crazy too, because it was like one second I was in the really-like phase and then suddenly I was f*cking in love, like super, crazy, out-of-my mind in love.’

‘So it just happened?’ I ask skeptically. ‘There was no warning at all.’

He shrugs. ‘Maybe for some people there’s a warning, but not me.’

I bring my knee up and rest my chin on it. ‘Were you scared?’

His eyes widen and he nods. ‘Heck, yeah, I was terrified out of my mind, but in this really good way, you know. But that’s because Seth made me feel good. Every time I was with him I was the best version of me and I was happy and felt so f*cking content in life. More than I ever had.’ He pauses, growing reluctant. ‘Can I ask why you’re asking this?’

‘I’m not sure yet.’ I glance at the clock on the dashboard and ignore the voice inside my head that’s telling me that I do know why I’m asking this. ‘I should get going.’ I grab my bag and open the door, about to climb out into the rain, but then pause. ‘Thanks for sharing your story, though,’ I tell him. I’m not sure if it was hard for him or not, but I want him to know that I’m grateful.

He smiles as he sits back in his seat. ‘Any time. It’s fun to remember anyway. It was a good moment in my life that should never be forgotten.’

His smile is contagious and I end up stepping out into the rain looking so happy that people I pass by probably think I’m high. And I try to carry the feeling with me as I make my way to the Lana’s office, knowing I’m probably going to need it when I get there.


Two hours later, I’m in the backseat of Seth’s car with him, Greyson and Callie, headed to the game, but my thoughts are elsewhere. The therapy session went okay. We didn’t get into anything too deep, just talked about my life now and how I feel about it, albeit the feeling part was hard and I didn’t verbalize it so great. Then we chatted a little about my parents, mostly just remembering what little things I could, which made me both sad and happy. The only thing that was really hard to deal with was when I told her about the dreams I’ve been having about the cemetery. When she asked me if I’d ever been to visit them, I’d shook my head and then she’s suggested that maybe one day I go. As if it was as simple as plucking a leaf off a tree. I told her I’d think about it, which I am, but not in the calming way she suggested. My mind is all over the place, thoughts floating around in my head like ping pong balls. My parents. The cemetery. My feelings. Luke. My parents. My feelings.

I swear my brain is about to short-circuit. The thing that pulls me back to reality is when my phone starts ringing from inside the pocket of my leather jacket. I take it out and see an unknown number, which makes me hesitate before I answer. I’m guessing it’s either a reporter or Preston, and plan on hanging up right away, but it’s not. It’s Detective Stephner.

‘So I have some good news and some maybe bad news, depending on how you look at it,’ he says after I answer.

I glance around the car, glad to see that Seth, Greyson and Callie appear to be engaging in a very intense conversation about football. ‘Okay, I’m listening.’

‘Well the trial is going to be starting soon,’ he says. ‘Which means things are moving forward.’