Royally Not Ready(127)
“Shit, that makes sense,” I say. “You should’ve said something to me. I would’ve switched out security.”
She shakes her head. “No, being at Harrogate, getting the opportunity to protect and train with Lilly, was a great honor, and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity because of a lovers’ quarrel. I thought if I could just hang on with Brimar, and get back to Strombly, then maybe we could work things out, but that wasn’t the case. And even though I’m heartbroken over it, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know how much of a burden our relationship has been lately.”
“I wish you would’ve talked to me about it. I could’ve done more to involve you, so you weren’t spending so much time with him.”
“But then you wouldn’t have been able to spend that much time with Lilly, and you needed that. You needed her. She brought something out of you that I hadn’t seen in many years, a genuine smile. She truly makes you happy.”
“She does,” I answer. “And now . . . hell, now I’m not even allowed in the palace or even near her, for that matter, to make it up to her. To tell her what a fool I was, to show her that I love her, more than anything, and that I would do anything to earn her trust again.”
“How would you even go about earning her trust back if you were allowed in Strombly?”
“Probably show her by small acts.”
“Well, that could still be accomplished,” Lara says.
“How?”
“You have Runa and me. Although Runa is not entirely happy with you. She mentioned how upset Lilly was over your foolish mistakes, and she hates seeing Lilly upset. I think with the proper coaxing, we could get her involved.”
“You think so?” I ask.
“With a big apology, I think so. But the question is, what would your small acts be?”
“Court her from a distance.”
“I like the sound of that. So, does that mean you’ll try to win her back?”
“Until my dying day, I will fucking try because I won’t be whole without her.”
Lara smirks. “Seems as if we have some planning to do, then.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
LILLY
“Are you feeling better?” Runa asks as she hands me a cup of water.
“Sort of,” I answer, my head still pounding, my eyes still puffy, my heart very heavy. “I think . . . I think I can start getting ready for the luncheon.”
Runa adjusts my blankets, so they sit better on my lap. “No need, Miss Campbell. Queen Katla has called in your absence and said you came down with a cold.”
“What? She didn’t have to do that. I can get it together.” I take a deep breath, my eyes watering up again. “I just . . . need a second.” Another tear cascades down my cheek, and I curse myself for being unable to control my emotions. “God, I’m sorry. I really can do this.”
Runa gently rests her hand on my shoulder as she says, “Please don’t try to stifle your feelings in front of me; it will only make it worse. You might not be comfortable talking to me, but it might help. Holding it all inside isn’t healthy for the body or the mind.”
“I know you’re right,” I say as I lean back on my pillows.
Since I woke up this morning, I’ve been crying. Poor Runa has had to bring me a box of tissues and tend to me while I attempt to get it together. Spoiler alert, I haven’t gotten it together.
I let out a pent-up breath and ask, “Have you ever been in love, Runa?”
“Yes, Miss Campbell. While going through training, I fell in love with a boy named Ergo. He was, well, he was my everything. He was training to be a footman. It was easy to fall for his charm and his looks, but what mattered most was that we bonded at the heart.”
“What happened?”
“When we graduated, he was offered a position in another country, while I was hired to work here, at Strombly. Even though our love for each other was quite strong, our dedication to serving was stronger.”
“Have you heard from him?”
“I have. He’s married now with a boy on the way.” She takes a deep breath. “It was devastating to hear he found someone else.”
“Oh my God, Runa, I’m so sorry.”
“No need to apologize. That’s love, right? It’s life’s greatest challenge. Sometimes you get to live and love, and sometimes you must love and forget.” She looks me in the eyes. “Are you telling me you’re in love with Keller?”
I nod slowly. “Yes, and I’ve never truly been in love like this before. Like I depend on him to bring joy to my life. I never depended on anyone before, as I’ve always been so independent, but we connected on a deeper level at Harrogate. A level so deep I think only a few people would understand. In a time where I was so lost, he was a lifeline, my safety net . . . my hero. And I know that sounds corny, but it’s true. I feel like he opened my eyes to a whole new world. He showed me that I didn’t have to walk through this life alone, and then . . . and then he just left me out to dry. He abandoned me when I needed him the most. I—” My tears fall once again. “I don’t know how to handle that.”
“Ah, I see. I understand the feeling of loss. It’s painful. It feels like you can’t breathe at times.”