Royally Not Ready(130)

Three squeezes.

It’s what my parents used to do to tell me they loved me.

Is that what he’s doing? When his eyes connect with mine, from the forlorn expression in them, I know that’s exactly what he’s doing.

Three squeezes . . . he loves me.

When our fingers release, I grip the note tightly. And with a steady voice, I say, “Mr. Fitzwilliam, what a surprise to see you. I was unaware of your fishing abilities.”

He brings his hands together in front of him and says, “It was a mistake, unfortunately. I was fishing with King Theo off the bank of Kirkfell. He had a few lines hanging off the back of the boat and had to go to the bathroom, so he asked me to watch his lines. The minute he left, a fish was hooked and I reeled it in. But during the reeling, I fell into the water.”

“Really?” I ask, a smile peeking from my lips as I think about Keller falling off a boat. Not because he could have drowned, but because such a strong man like himself, I couldn’t imagine him not being able to hold his own against a fish.

“I have a bad case of sea legs unfortunately and, yes, I fell into the water. While being fished out, I hung onto the pole and reeled the fish in, only to be pulled out of the water with my fish.”

I chuckle. “What a spectacle, I’m sure.”

Magnus holds up a picture of a wet Keller clinging to a fish. I chuckle even more. “Our favorite crowned cod story.”

“I can see why. A mishap gone right.”

“Indeed,” he answers before taking another bow, ending our conversation.

And just like that, our interaction is over, but I cling to the note. As Magnus shows all the pictures from previously crowned cods, Lara comes up to me and I slip her the note for safekeeping until I can read it later.

I want to say I paid attention to the rest of the visit and dove into the grand tales of fishing, but my mind was on one thing alone—whatever that note said, and the three pulses Keller gave my fingers before our hands parted.

After what felt like half a day, Lara and Henrik walk me back to the car, where I stand in front of the door and offer everyone a wave. I spot Keller’s towering height by the entrance of the boathouse, his eyes intent on me, his hands in his pockets.

Why did he show up today? Given his current suspension, I’d think he wouldn’t want to be seen in public. He’s so worried about what people think about him that this public appearance with a mark on his name seems very uncharacteristic.

I have so much to ask him, but the biggest question of them all? Why weren’t you strong enough for me? Why wasn’t I important enough for him to push through the insecurities?

With another wave, I duck into the car and wait for Lara to sit next to me. With Henrik in the front, out of earshot thanks to the glass between the front and the back, I keep my eyes ahead and ask, “Do you have the note?”

“I do.” She slides it over to me on my leg, and I take it in my hands. I give the people one last wave, and then we’re off, driving down the road, a motorcade in front of and behind us.

I let out a deep breath and rest my head back, clutching the note. “Did you know he was going to be there?”

“I had an inkling. I wasn’t sure if he’d show up or not.”

“Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I didn’t want to add to the nerves that you already have with these public outings. This was your first without Queen Katla or King Theo and I wanted to make sure you were going into it with a clear head and not worried about the possibility of seeing Keller.”

“That makes sense.” I rub my lips together. “He looked so . . . sad, but also determined, in a way.”

“He did.”

“Have you talked to him at all?”

Lara rubs her hand over her thigh as she says, “I have. Every night.”

“What?” I ask, turning toward her now. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m treading a hard line here, Lilly,” she says. “You’re not only my responsibility to protect, but you’ve also become a friend. And I’ve known Keller since we were kids. He might’ve acted poorly and made foolish decisions, but he’s also my best friend. I know you’ve been hurting, so I’ve wanted to keep things close to me so as not to hurt you more.”

“Well, I appreciate that, but you don’t have to tread carefully around me.”

She gives me a look. “Lilly, I appreciate you trying to be strong, but I know it’d hurt you if I spoke about him. I’d rather talk to you about other things that make you happy.”

“He used to make me happy,” I say quietly, clutching the note. “Do you know what this is about?”

“I don’t know what’s in the note.”

“But you knew he would give this to me?”

She looks away and says, “How about you don’t ask me questions about Keller, that way I don’t feel the need to break anyone’s trust?”

“Okay, yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in the middle.”

“It’s quite all right. I’d be the same if it were Brimar and me. That is, if Brimar didn’t commit treason or cheat on me.” She smiles. “At least Keller didn’t do that.”

“Very true,” I say softly. “I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s never okay to cheat.”