Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(72)

‘Fucking bitch!’ Sara exclaimed, startling me. I looked down at Emma. Still locked against me, she didn’t flinch. ‘How could she –’ Sara crumpled the paper and stormed out of the room. I heard drawers slamming shut as she muttered, ‘That f*cking bitch,’ over and over again. I smelled smoke and knew exactly what she’d done.

Sara appeared back in the room, crawling onto the bed on the other side of me so she could see Emma’s face. She leaned close to her, peering into her blank eyes, and ran her hand along her cheek.

‘Emma,’ she soothed, ‘she was an awful person, and all she wanted was to hurt you. You can’t let her. Em, you can’t let her. You’re so much stronger than that. I know you are. Please, Emma.’

Sara pursed her lips and tears filled her eyes. She redirected her gaze to me and said, ‘She can’t believe it. Evan, we can’t let that woman break her.’

‘I know,’ I said quietly, running my hand along Emma’s back.

Emma jolted under my touch. I tilted my head to see her face. ‘Emma?’

She inhaled a sob, her chest heaving. Pulling away from me and curling into a ball, she screamed, ‘No!’

Sara froze in stunned silence.

‘No! No!’ Emma balled her fist and punched the mattress repeatedly, her eyes squeezed shut as she screamed the words over and over again. ‘No! No! No!’ She burst into hysterics, crying so hard, her whole body convulsed. Sara looked at me, fear flashing across her face.

I leaned over and gently gripped her shoulder, ‘Emma. It’s okay.’

‘No, it’s not,’ she cried. ‘She’s dead! She’s dead!’ She collapsed against the bed and sobbed uncontrollably. Then uttered weakly, ‘My mother’s dead.’

‘Oh, Emma,’ Sara gasped, kneeling on the floor next to the bed, her face twisted in pain as she helplessly witnessed her best friend’s suffering.

I curled in behind her and held her close, absorbing the spasms of her sobs. She clenched my arm tightly, as if I could keep her from being pulled under.

We didn’t say a word. Sara and I stayed by her and let her cry for the mother who didn’t deserve her. I knew she was mourning her loss, probably for the first time since she’d learned of her death. All I wanted to do was protect Emma from everything that hurt her. It was reminiscent of the night she cried in my arms as she relived her father’s death. I couldn’t ease the pain then, and I knew I couldn’t do it now. And even though I’d failed time and time again, it wasn’t going to stop me from trying.

Eventually, the sobs tapered off and her body uncoiled. I felt her back expand against my chest as her breathing deepened.

Sara looked up at me and whispered, ‘She’s asleep.’ I nodded, suspecting as much. Sara slowly stood up, her body stiff from kneeling as she stretched her arms over her head.

She started towards the door and turned back. ‘Evan. Come on.’ She jerked her head towards the door impatiently.

I hesitated, not wanting to leave. But it was evident Sara had something to say that she didn’t want Emma to overhear. I eased my arm out from under her, flexing my hand to get the circulation flowing. Emma’s body shivered when I moved away. I tucked a blanket around her, reluctantly shutting the bedroom door behind me before following Sara into the living room.

Sara paced back and forth, her red lips pressed tight. She stopped when I walked further into the room. Her anxiety could’ve knocked me over. ‘Evan, I’m scared.’

I waited, hoping she’d explain.

‘You have no idea what she’s been like for the past two years,’ Sara continued in a rush. ‘She is barely holding on, and I’m so afraid that letter may have pushed her over the edge.’

‘What are you afraid she’ll do, Sara?’ I questioned. ‘Turn to alcohol again?’

Sara’s eyes flickered thoughtfully before she collapsed on the couch. ‘I don’t know how to describe it.’ Her voice was quiet and hesitant. ‘She’s just been … existing since she left Weslyn. There’s no … light in her eyes. No purpose. No drive. She used to push herself to be more, to want more, and now … now she’s barely living.’ She paused to look at the bedroom door, her eyes watering. ‘I feel like I’ve gradually been losing her. Like she’s slipping away and I can’t hold on. I’m scared that she’s going to push us all away for good. I know it doesn’t make complete sense, and I don’t know how to explain it. I’m just scared.’

I sat down in the chair across from her. ‘What happened to her, Sara?’

Sara looked across at me with sorrow-filled eyes. ‘She left you.’

My face twisted in confusion, but before I could speak, Sara said, ‘I truly don’t understand why she left, Evan. You’ll have to ask her.’

The sound of the front door opening interrupted us. Sara and I both turned as Cole walked in. He was wet, in a pair of board shorts.

‘Hey.’ He nodded towards us, looking around. ‘Where’s Emma?’

Sara and I looked at each other, releasing a simultaneous breath. She finally said, ‘I’ll tell him.’

I nodded and stood from the chair, not wanting to watch his reaction, whatever it was. So I escaped to the deck, closing off Sara’s voice with the sliding glass door.