Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(71)

I grinned at the peace offering. ‘Thanks. I’ll think about it.’

‘Well … Emma’s there now … alone.’ Sara produced a small smile before speeding off down the street. I laughed at her lack of subtlety.

I tossed the envelope in the small trash can I’d removed from the bathroom, sifting through the mail that Anna had handed me before I left, making room in my tote for two days’ worth of clothes. ‘How many credit cards does a person need?’ I sighed and picked up the next envelope, ready to toss it as well. Then I saw the handwriting. I typically would have thrown her letter away, like I had the many others before. But I couldn’t. Not this time.

I pulled out the folded white page and opened it. My chest squeezed in around my heart. I let out a quick breath and couldn’t breathe again.

I knocked on the front door and waited. Emma didn’t answer. I knocked again, and still nothing. I looked around the empty driveway, then put my hand on the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked. I hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open.

‘Emma?’ I called, entering cautiously so that I didn’t startle her. ‘Emma?’ Silence.

I closed the door and continued into the living room, peering through the glass doors, but she wasn’t there either. I was walking towards the bedroom when I saw her foot dangling from the edge of the bed.

‘Hey, Emma,’ I called to her as I approached, ‘Sara said –’

I stopped at the sight of her, gripping the doorframe to keep steady. ‘Emma, what happened?’

Her entire body was trembling, and her eyes were glazed over, staring blankly at the page she clutched tightly in her hands. Her mouth puckered slightly, taking in erratic breaths that raised her chest in spasms.

‘Emma?’ I said, trying to reach her. Her chin quivered as she moved her mouth in silent whimpers. ‘Let me see.’ I eased the paper from her hands. Her eyes shifted up to me in a quick motion and I flinched at the screaming pain reflected in them. She didn’t utter a sound. Tears pooled in her unblinking eyes. She looked like she was drowning.

I examined the page, and my teeth clenched at the first word written in rushed penmanship: ‘Emily.’ I glanced back down at Emma. She remained frozen in torture.

Emily,

Maybe you’ll finally read this letter. After all, it is the last.

You should have discovered by now what you did to me. Yes, you did this to me. I couldn’t stand the pain any more. The pain of being alone. The pain of being ignored and not being loved by my only daughter. The pain of losing the only person who ever truly loved me, because of you. The love that you destroyed the day that you were born.

You should never have been born. You have only caused pain in the lives of everyone you’ve touched. Even the lives of those two innocent children who tried to love you. Look at who you’ve become. How can you stand to even look at yourself in the mirror, knowing all the destruction you’ve caused?

You killed me with those cold, hateful words you said to me. You killed me with each letter I sent that you never answered. How could you be so cold and hateful to your own mother? I’ve given you so much, and it didn’t matter to you. I was never good enough for you. Now you’ll have to live with yourself, knowing that the reason I can’t go on living is because of you.

Love,

Your mother



I swallowed in disgust. ‘No,’ I said, my tone urgent. ‘Emma, no, no.’ I shook my head in disbelief.

I sat down next to Emma, but she still didn’t respond. Her limbs trembled and her teeth chattered. I dropped the letter to the floor, not wanting to touch the vile words scribbled across the page.

I slid my arm around her and pulled her in to me. She collapsed against my chest, and I held her tight. ‘Don’t listen to her,’ I begged. My vision blurred. ‘Don’t listen to her, Emma. Not a single word.’ But she couldn’t hear me.





23


Silent Pain


ALL THAT ESCAPED HER WERE RHYTHMIC breaths. She couldn’t stop shaking, no matter how tight I held her. She didn’t resist when I eased us onto the bed. Leaning back against the padded headboard, I shifted her onto my chest, and secured her in my arms. ‘Emma, you have to know that every word was a lie. Don’t let her hurt you,’ I pleaded, my lips brushing against her hair.

She just continued to quake. I felt like I’d been stabbed in the chest with a flaming torch. I hated that selfish, vindictive woman. She made sure her final act was to crucify the one person who had ever tried to love her repeatedly. I inhaled deeply to push my contempt away. It wasn’t what Emma needed right now.

We stayed like this, wrapped in silent pain, until I heard the front door open.

‘Emma?’ Sara called out. ‘Evan?’

I opened my mouth to call to her just as she appeared in the doorway. She eyed Emma lying on my chest in my arms and glared at me. ‘What are you –’ She stopped, her eyes narrowing as she examined Emma more closely, then walked cautiously towards us. ‘What happened? Emma?’ Sara looked up at me in alarm. ‘Evan, what happened to her? What did you do?’

I shook my head at her accusation. ‘There’s a letter. It’s on the floor somewhere.’

Sara warily took her eyes off us and searched the floor, bending down to pick up the piece of paper. I couldn’t watch her read it.