Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(68)

I was pulled back into that night. The fury that pushed me to take a swing at Jonathan, which only escalated with each ensuing blow exchanged between us. The look in her eyes when he knocked her back onto the floor. And then there was a shooting pain through my head – just before there was nothing at all.

‘Hate me, Evan,’ she begged, her lower lip quivering. It was difficult to watch the guilt shredding her to pieces. ‘Please, just hate me,’ she begged.

‘I have twelve more days.’ I forced myself to say this calmly as she twisted my heart a little more. I was still trapped in that memory. I hated him. I hated him for manipulating his way into Emma’s life and convincing her to trust him. For being who I always wanted to be for her. For standing in front of Emma’s wall, the one I was just beginning to break through. Waking up alone and hurting everywhere didn’t even come close to the torment I’d felt when I was convinced that she’d chosen him. ‘Where did you go when you left me?’ I needed to know about the rest of that night, even though the outcome would never change.

‘That’s your question?’ she asked, appearing confused. I nodded.

‘Umm …’ I swallowed hard and pulled away from the torture reflected in his eyes, even though he remained calm and composed on the outside. He was there in that house, bloody and broken. Exactly where I’d left him. I fought back the emotion that clawed up my throat.

‘I drove. I don’t know where I went, but I just kept driving.’ I took a breath, remembering the hysterics I was in as I sped through the back roads of the quiet town, screaming at myself for what I’d done. Tears flooded my eyes with the memory. But I blinked them away. I didn’t deserve his sympathy ‘I eventually made it back to Sara’s. She was freaking out, thinking something awful had happened to me.’ I paused again as my voice cracked. ‘Anna was so upset. She couldn’t understand what I was saying because I couldn’t stop crying.’ A tear slid from the corner of my eye. I wrapped my arms around my waist to ward off a shiver.

‘I told them that I needed to leave. That I couldn’t stay in Weslyn. I hated it there, and I was leaving on the next flight out. Anna eventually calmed me enough to talk me into waiting a day or two, to see if I’d change my mind. But I didn’t. Two days later I was on a plane to California. Sara tried to convince me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. She didn’t speak to me again for two months.’

Emma opened her eyes, and another tear rolled down her cheek. ‘Does that answer your question?’

I nodded once, watching in silent agony as the light in her eyes faded into darkness. Her pain was all that remained, and I had to look away, unable to witness the suffering without wanting to touch her.

I cleared my throat and took in a breath of the ocean air to clear the ache away. ‘Well, I don’t know about you, but that’s about as much honesty as I can handle today.’ I attempted to smile, but it fell quickly as he continued to scrutinize me. He was so intense in his stillness, I had a hard time looking him in the eye.

‘Bye, Evan,’ I said, turning away.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he assured me, his voice strained. I didn’t respond. I could feel him watching me as I walked down the beach.

When I got to the deck Cole was sitting in a chair with his feet propped on the railing.

‘Hi,’ I said, sitting down next to him.

‘Hey,’ he responded with a small smile. ‘How are you doing?’

I shrugged. ‘Okay.’

He scanned my face for all that I wasn’t saying. ‘Do you want to go surfing again tomorrow?’

‘Uh, actually, do you remember that friend I tried to help?’ I asked, staring out at the water. I gripped my phone in my pocket, still not having heard from Jonathan after I’d called and then texted him from the restaurant yesterday. Talking about him with Evan last night made me think about the night I’d gone in search of him. I couldn’t stop wondering where he was now and what he might be going through.

‘Yeah,’ Cole responded hesitantly.

‘I think I need to try again,’ I murmured, glancing at Cole.

He peered into my eyes before asking, ‘Where are you going to go?’

‘New York. But it’s not going to go over well with Sara.’

‘Why?’ he questioned. ‘She doesn’t like this friend?’

‘Not exactly. So … would you cover for me?’ I requested, a twinge of guilt flashing across my face. ‘I have to do this. I need to at least try.’

‘How long will you be gone?’

‘Truthfully, I’m not sure,’ I answered. ‘I’m leaving tomorrow, and hope to be back in just a couple of days. But I guess it depends.’

Cole was quiet for a moment. ‘Yeah, I’ll cover for you. Want me to drive you to the airport?’

‘Yes. Thank you,’ I replied, my voice soft.

We returned our focus to the ocean as the day faded around us – the sun sinking further off to our right, leaving a trail of gold with smears of pink and purple stretched across the horizon. The lights from the oil rigs twinkled in the distance, and the sound of the surf was hypnotic. We were once again wrapped in our silence, which used to be so comforting. On the inside, a storm was swirling, uncovering memories and feelings I’d buried over two years ago. My eyes trailed down the beach towards the large house on the cliff. I knew it was only going to get worse.