Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(48)

I was expecting this reaction, but it didn’t mean I liked it.

‘Hi, Sara,’ I responded. ‘Can I do anything to help?’

She sighed. ‘No, we’re okay. But, Evan, just know that … she’s different,’ she murmured before disappearing into the crowd. I looked after her, struck by her words.

I continued down the hall that ended at the kitchen and allowed entry into the grand parlour. I scanned the room, filled with familiar faces from high school, and others I didn’t recognize. Searching for her – needing to see her, whether I was ready or not.

‘Emma, dear.’ Her voice stilled my breath. ‘I am so sorry for your loss.’

I stared right into the vibrant blue eyes of Vivian Mathews, unable to speak.

She ran her cool, thin hand down the side of my face. ‘You are such a strong young woman. I wish you didn’t have to go through this.’

I shifted my gaze, before she saw that my ‘strength’ was barely holding me up.

‘I’m sorry about your mother, Emma,’ Jared’s deep voice offered in condolence. The need to escape seized me. I nodded slightly.

Vivian wrapped me gingerly in her arms and said soothingly in my ear, ‘If you ever need anything, I am here for you.’

My hands shook as I feebly returned her embrace.

And then they were gone, lost in the crowd. I looked around for them, certain that if they were here, so was he. I turned towards the glass set in the corner and took several large gulps to ease my nerves. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to see Evan again, but it didn’t stop me from looking around the room, searching for his steel-blue eyes.

Then I saw her. At the same moment she saw me. Her light brown eyes froze as if she’d been ensnared. The hints of the California sun suited her, but she looked drained and fragile in her dark dress. She’d cut her hair so it rested against her jaw, her bangs sweeping along her brow. She was thinner, the roundness of her face replaced by slender angles and jutting cheekbones. I almost could’ve convinced myself it wasn’t her, but then I saw the blush rise to her cheeks, and I felt my mouth turn up slightly. She was still breathtakingly beautiful. Except for the vacancy in her eyes.

‘Evan, I can’t believe you’re here.’

I pulled my eyes away from Emma.

‘Hi, Jill. How’ve you been?’ I fought every desire to ignore the insensitive girl, and smiled politely in her direction.

I stole a glance back to where Emma had been. But she was gone.

‘Have you spoken to Analise lately?’ she pried, never one to respect personal boundaries.

‘Not in a while, no,’ I responded, looking around for an escape.

‘She would die if she knew you were here,’ Jill continued to harp. ‘Have you seen Emma? I swear she’s hungover.’

‘Her mother just died, Jill,’ I said sternly, trying to conceal my anger.

‘I still don’t understand why you’re here,’ she repeated. ‘I mean, after what she did to you … omigod.’

I refused to react to her comment. ‘It was good seeing you again, Jill. But I’m going to see if Mrs McKinley needs my help.’

I pushed further into the room, peering over and around the mourners, but Emma had disappeared.

‘I thought you weren’t going to talk to her,’ Jared said, coming up beside me.

‘I’m not,’ I replied guiltily. ‘I was looking for you.’

‘Yeah, right,’ he scoffed. Then his attention was drawn towards the red hair that weaved through the crowd.

‘Are you going to talk to her?’

He glared in response.

‘What the hell do I say? Besides, this isn’t exactly the best place to talk.’ I knew exactly what he meant. His eyes continued to follow her. As if sensing him, Sara looked up and they made eye contact. Jared looked at her dumbly. I nudged him to pursue her, but she whipped herself around and strode aggressively in the opposite direction.

‘That went well,’ I said sardonically.

‘Shut up,’ he muttered. ‘Emma was looking for you. As soon as she saw Mom and me, she looked for you. So what are you going to do?’

‘I don’t know yet,’ I admitted, still searching the faces for the girl who had broken my heart.

Once I saw Vivian I knew he’d be here. I shook my head and paced the office. I couldn’t go back out there. Not until I knew Evan was gone. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I looked down at the silver box I’d tucked under my arm on my way out of the room.

‘What the hell is he doing here?’ I asked the object. The panic continued to build; I couldn’t calm down. I could hear people talking on the other side of the door, and recognized the funeral director’s dreary tone. Not wanting to explain why I was in his office holding my mother’s ashes, I rushed to the closet behind his desk and hid inside.

I held my breath, waiting for the voices in the office to disappear. When the light clicked off and the door closed behind them, I exhaled and rested against the wall. I reached above my head and found a string. An exposed bulb illuminated the long, narrow closet. My jacket, along with Sara, Anna and Carl’s, hung on the metal pipe secured into each side of the wall. At the far end was a stack of brown-metal folding chairs. My feet bumped the tote bag on the floor.