Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(44)

14


Just Like Your Mother


MY PHONE VIBRATED IN MY HAND AS SOON as I switched it off airplane mode, just as I’d anticipated it would.

‘Hi,’ I said, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the wall.

‘Where are you?’ Sara asked, her voice steady but with a hint of unease.

‘Umm …’ I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat. ‘I don’t know. Outside a bar.’

‘You were drinking?’

I remained quiet, waiting for the vodka to coat my insides with its numbing potency.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, biting my lip, which refused to stop quivering. ‘I can’t do this, Sara. I … can’t …’

‘It’s okay. I’m here. Just tell me where you are.’

‘Uh … still in the terminal,’ I looked around, ignoring the glances shot in my direction.

‘Follow the signs to baggage claim. I’m here,’ she instructed, her voice calm and soothing.

‘Okay,’ I choked, grabbing the handle of my suitcase and standing up from the bench. I paused for a moment to steady myself. My feet haphazardly carried me towards the rolling sidewalk. I realized I still had the phone against my face. ‘Sara?’

‘Yeah, I’m still here,’ Sara responded. ‘Are you coming?’

‘Yeah,’ I breathed, closing my eyes. My insides tightened, and I feared I was going to collapse as I leaned against the railing that moved me along the conveyor. ‘I … can’t …’

‘Yes, you can,’ she encouraged me. ‘I’m going to get you through this.’

‘Fuck,’ I uttered, stumbling off the end of the moving sidewalk. I stood off to the side to collect myself and let other gawking passengers pass me. ‘I’ll be right there.’

Sara was at the bottom of the escalator, impatiently awaiting my arrival. As soon as I stepped onto the carpet, she pulled me in to her. I squeezed my eyes shut, determined not to cry.

‘I’ve missed you so much,’ she murmured in my ear, holding me firmly to keep me upright. I wavered on my feet when she let go. She looked me up and down. ‘You look like shit.’

I released a broken laugh. ‘I feel worse. Actually …’ I hesitated, thinking. ‘I’m starting not to feel anything right about now.’

‘Oh, Emma.’ She shook her head, looking concerned, ‘I leave you for a few months, and you become a lush. What am I going to do with you?’ She grabbed my hand and my suitcase, dragging us both towards the exit. ‘You need to sober up, or at least act sober, because we’re meeting my mom right now.’

‘Shit, really?’ I groaned. ‘I didn’t know … I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ She sighed. ‘But let’s try not to self-medicate with alcohol for the next few days, all right?’

I didn’t promise anything, but continued to let her lead me towards her car. Being by Sara’s side, in combination with the drunken swirl that was overtaking me, eased my nerves … momentarily.

The hour drive wasn’t long enough. It wasn’t long enough to sober up. It wasn’t long enough to prepare myself for the reason I’d returned to Weslyn.

We pulled into the small parking lot alongside the light blue Victorian house. It looked so warm and inviting from the outside, but on the inside I knew it was filled with death. I shivered.

‘We won’t be long,’ Sara assured me, pulling me away from staring at the sign – ‘Lionel’s Funeral Home’ – posted on the lawn. ‘Come on, Em. My mom is waiting. Charles is with her too, to help with the details.’

I couldn’t really say what happened after that. I swear I blacked out, because the next thing I knew, we were back in the car.

‘Told you it would be quick,’ Sara said, buckling her seatbelt.

‘Yeah,’ I inhaled, feeling like it was the first breath I’d taken since we’d pulled up.

‘I just need to stop by the house to pick up my bag,’ Sara explained as we pulled away.

‘What? No!’ I exclaimed a little too loudly.

‘What’s wrong?’ Sara questioned in alarm.

‘I can’t go any further into Weslyn,’ I said passionately. I was grateful that they’d hidden the funeral home along the borders of the town, so the residents could remain blissfully ignorant of the pain in their back yards. ‘Please, Sara, take me to the motel.’

Sara was quiet a moment and finally said, ‘Okay. I’ll drop you off and then come back to get my things.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, relieved. I pressed my head against the glass and watched the trees blur by. The numbness was subsiding, and exhaustion settled in. ‘Maybe I’ll lie down for a while.’

‘That’s not a bad idea.’

Minutes later, it was like we’d crossed an invisible line and were instantly transported into a world of billboards and neon lights, with the roar of traffic flying by on the highway overhead. Sara pulled into the broken-asphalt parking lot.

‘This is where we’re staying?’ Sara asked. It was obvious she was skeeved out by the place. Admittedly, it wasn’t much to look at. The blue paint was faded and chipping, and the numbers on some of the doors had been replaced with numbers that didn’t match. There was a pool with a chain-link fence around it. The water was an unnatural hue of green that reminded me of a sci-fi movie where alien eggs incubated at the bottom of a pool.