How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(51)

But then I met someone and within an hour she changed everything I thought I knew about being authentic. I was introduced to a new level of realness, an unapologetic type, and it changed my life.

It’s October 2015, and I’m holding a jar of pickles and some flaming hot Cheetos (as one should) as I nervously pace back and forth waiting to shoot a video. I’m anxious, excited, and terrified all at the same time. I’m a twenty-seven-year-old child. I approach my manager and start spitting out some inspirational sentences, mostly to reassure myself: “This is going to be totally awesome. I’m just going to be cool. Look how chill I am. I look like the snowflake emoji just ate a chill pill in the Arctic. Mother-effing McFlurry vibes. Brrrrrrr …” And then from the back of the room I hear a voice excitedly ask, “Where’s Lilly?!”

All chill has left the building. Welcome to the Sahara Desert.

Selena Gomez walks up to me with open arms and gives me a huge hug. EVERYTHING IS FINE. LOOK HOW CHILL I AM. JK. My body could literally be used as the set for Mad Max. We sit down, and for the next hour Selena unintentionally schools me on authenticity. The first thing I notice is that Selena has already opened the Cheetos I gifted her and is happily enjoying them while slouched in her seat. She didn’t care that her makeup JUST got done. She wanted the Cheetos and so she ate the Cheetos. Then there’s me, trying to sit up straight, smile perfectly, and showcase the shirt I bought just for this occasion. What? This old thing?

We start talking about her new album, Revival, and I make a creepy joke about her album cover: “Girl, look at you! All naked and hot on the cover. I see you.” I’m expecting her response to be a giggle or smile alongside an obligatory “thanks,” but instead she calmly says, “It’s so raw and beautiful.” I can’t remember a time when someone spoke to me with that level of self-awareness and confidence. She truly believed the cover was beautiful, and so she said it. I think many of us don’t own our own beauty because we fear sounding arrogant. But not Sel. She knows that calling yourself beautiful can be empowering, not necessarily cocky.

During the shoot, I make a joke about people thinking my hair is fake. Selena puts her fingers through my hair and says, “You have beautiful real hair. Mine, however, is very fake.” No effs given. After the shoot, we take some selfies and I make it a point to show them to Selena for approval. “Hey, Sel, are these okay?” Also, can we be friends forever, by any chance? Without hesitation (or even a second look), she responds, “Oh yeah, girl, they’re fine.” Selena is okay with however she looks in the picture because that’s how she looked at that moment.

Now, you might be thinking that I’m completely biased because I’m a huge Selena Gomez supporter. And yeah, you’re right. She’s amazeballs. But I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing this unapologetic authenticity of hers time and time again. So let’s fast-forward to the second time I met her, at We Day (awesome event aimed at inspiring students) in California. It’s a brief meeting, but I’m still a little nervous, and this time I don’t have any Cheetos as a peace offering. As soon as I see her I say, “Hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but—” and Sel cuts me off. I’m expecting her to say, “Yes, I do, nice to see you again” or “Sorry, remind me of your name again, please.” I mean, that’s what I’ve been hearing all day. But once again I’m caught off guard as Selena laughs and lovingly says, “OMG, shut up, you idiot, of course I remember you” as she pulls me in for a hug. In a day filled with protocol and cookie-cutter networking lingo, Selena’s refreshing tone and vibe cut through the BS. She doesn’t care about sounding any type of way. She speaks how she feels.





Now let’s move to the third time I met her (welcome to my book: The Chronicles of Fangirling over Selena Gomez, Special Edition), backstage at her concert in Toronto. By this time in my life, I’m a little more collected and don’t completely freak out. As soon as I enter the room Selena says, “Argh, I’m so bloated, if you know what I mean.” These are her first words. I love this girl. Then we start talking about her tour, and it’s at this moment that I officially declare Selena the most unapologetically real person I’ve ever met. We’re talking about ticket sales and she says, “It’s been about 70 percent sold out at shows, which is a bit less than last time.” Now, I’ve been on tour before. Granted, my tour wasn’t comparable in size to Selena’s (I’m not an ex-wizard), BUT if you ever asked me about ticket sales, my deep, hidden insecurities would never allow me to openly say, “It was 70 percent sold out.” I’d always felt that I had something to prove. If my show didn’t sell out, then there must be a reason! The venue! The ticket agents! The marketing! Someone, somewhere is racist! And here is Sel, an Alister, a pop star, not giving a fraction of an eff about what people think of her ticket sales, telling it like it is. She is so accepting of every part of herself, whether it be her weaknesses, flaws, strengths, or accomplishments. If she feels beautiful, she embraces that feeling and admires herself. If she feels insecure about something, she doesn’t shy away but says it openly, without hesitation.

I’ve changed in the years since I’ve gotten to know her. I understand the difference between being yourself and being unapologetically yourself on a deeper level. Beyond the weird quirks and self-deprecating jokes I make in interviews, I’m learning to accept all facets of myself. If I’m upset and make a poor decision, I try not to be ashamed. I made that decision. My unique personality and life circumstances helped make that decision, and even if I have to fix whatever mess I caused, I own that decision. If I feel jealous or insecure, I embrace that side of me and proudly communicate it. That’s my insecurity and jealousy, and it’s who I am in that moment.