How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(48)
I’m also a big believer in the phrase “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” Being straightforward doesn’t mean you have to be rude or harsh. There’s always a way to be open and honest while also being respectful. Anyone who behaves otherwise is just being lazy. This mentality is particularly helpful when you need to confront someone. To be honest, I’ve never been any good when it comes to confrontation, but the more I focus on saying what I actually mean, the easier it gets. In the past, whenever I had issues with any of my employees, I used to rehearse what I would say, making sure to sound professional and stern. It would stress me out and I would usually mess up during the actual conversation. But once I started just saying what I meant, communication became a lot more efficient.
Here’s an example of how I changed my communication style:
THE ISSUE: My assistant keeps forgetting to do tasks.
BEFORE: “Hey, I need you to remember to do tasks because forgetting is unacceptable. I asked you to send two emails today and it didn’t happen. Please ensure this doesn’t happen again.”
AFTER: “Hey, it’s stressful for me when you forget to do tasks I’ve asked you to do. Constantly having to remind you defeats the purpose of having an assistant. I’d really like you to figure out a system that allows you to remember things.”
The “before” just sounds like office jargon. Literally, Siri could have said it. The “after” represents how I actually feel and exactly why the behavior is problematic for me.
No matter what the situation is, it’s always tempting to rehearse dialogue so that you say what you think you’re supposed to say. Preparation and gathering your thoughts are awesome, but only if it results in meaningful and genuine communication. Bawses don’t just say things; they communicate with purpose. We’re so used to communicating at a surface level that we often underestimate the power of communicating on a deeper, more human level. For example, I recently had to bail on one of my friends who had asked me to grab lunch. I forgot about one of my deadlines and texted him the day before to cancel. I was bummed because I hadn’t seen him in so long. This could have gone two ways:
SAY WHATEVER:
“Hey, I’m so sorry but I’ve got to cancel lunch tomorrow. I forgot I had a deadline. Can we reschedule? Thanks!”
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN:
“Hey, I’m so sorry but I’ve got to cancel lunch tomorrow. I forgot I had a deadline. I was looking forward to seeing you and I’m disappointed I can’t now. Please don’t think this has anything to do with my desire to hang out with you, and I really hope we can reschedule.”
Saying what you mean makes life a lot easier to navigate. People will be impressed that you don’t sound like a robot and actually have human emotions. Also, instead of forcing people to read between the lines, you can allow them to read the actual lines, which saves everyone a lot of time and energy. Communication shouldn’t be a guessing game. It should be productive and straightforward.
With that said, I don’t want to just thank you for buying this book; rather, I want to genuinely tell you how grateful I am. I’ve worked really hard on writing this with the intent of making you laugh and inspiring you. I don’t know everything about success, but I’m confident about what I’ve written in these fifty chapters. The fact that you’re taking valuable time out of your day to read my book, when you could be doing anything else, is really special. Thanks for giving me a chance.
SINCERELY,
NOT SIRI
IF THINGS DON’T constantly go your way, it’s probably because the world has weekly meetings discussing how to knock you down. It’s true. It’s like you’re a Plastic and we’re all Lindsay Lohan. This is Mean Girls. You got cast without auditioning.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you aren’t that special.
Concluding that your failures and shortcomings are caused by other people and situations is a great way to give up all of your power. It’s also a great way to take the easy route in life and draw attention away from any real issues that need resolving. In my opinion, when people say things like “Nothing ever works out for me,” the real problem is that they’re unwilling to change something or try a different tactic. Or when people say “everyone is against me,” the real problem is that they aren’t willing to see things from a different point of view. In reality, people are too busy worrying about themselves to devise some master plan to destroy you.
When I was a student, my friends would all say the same thing to me: “Lilly, you always need to be right.” We all got along so well, but as soon as an argument started, they would drop that line and I would become instantly offended. I didn’t NEED to be right. I WAS right. For years I would think that everyone was just jealous of my superior correctness in life. My parents, friends, and fellow dancers were all wrong and I was right … um, not that I NEEDED to be, though. It’s not my fault I was blessed. I literally felt like I was that one presumably crazy person in a horror movie who hears voices and sees dead people. Everyone else in the movie thinks she’s insane and they send her to an asylum. They diagnose her with some mental disorder and then drive back home, only to be killed by seven different ghosts! Turns out she wasn’t crazy after all! She was right all along! That was me … the absolutely correct victim in the asylum.