How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(47)
It’s also important to dress the part. If you’re going out for a fun evening, make sure you’re dressed in clothes that make you FEEL fun. If you’re going to meet new business partners, dress in clothes that make you feel like a ballin’ CEO. The clothes don’t need to be expensive; they just need to make you feel a certain way. Believe it or not, clothes can evoke certain emotions in us. I know this because I cannot play my parent characters well without dressing up like them. I once read an interview with Jennifer Lawrence in which she too said she couldn’t truly get into a character unless she was in costume.
POWER POSES Before you go to an event and/or meet new people, look in the mirror for a few minutes and do some power poses. You should probably be alone for this or things could get weird. Look at yourself and pose like Superman (or Superwoman) with one arm in the air. Make a dramatic, sexy face like you see in movie posters. Raise your chin and give yourself a wink. Fix your collar even if it’s completely fine! Why? Because you’re powerful and sexy and you do what you want. Looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing yourself the way you want other people to see you is a great way to inspire confidence.
LISTEN TO YOUR JAMS Listen to music that makes you feel confident and powerful. For example, when getting ready to go out I always listen to Rihanna because her music makes me feel awesome and sexy. This may seem like a minor thing, but listening to music that pumps you up will send signals to your brain and set a certain tone. A word of caution: I’d suggest staying away from Adele if you need to be happy and confident. Adele has more of a “getting ready to console a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her”–type vibe.
SPEAK IN STATEMENTS When you speak to people, make sure you’re speaking at an audible volume. Speaking softly will make you seem less confident. Another tip: unless you’re actually asking a question, don’t sound uncertain. Start strong and end strong. Say things as if everyone really wants to hear them. Just make sure you give everyone else a chance to speak too!
BODY LANGUAGE Body language can often speak louder than words. Crossing your arms or putting your hands in your pockets will make you seem unapproachable. If you aren’t directly facing someone while they are talking to you, it will seem like you’re not paying full attention. Slouching makes you seem less confident. Walking slowly can make you seem less certain. Whenever you do anything with your body, I want you to feel purposeful and powerful. Stand as if someone is creating a statue of you in that very moment. Walk as if there is an explosion happening behind you and you’re an action movie star walking away.
If you’re not used to doing any of the above, it may seem like a lot of work. And you know what? At first it is. No one said having presence was easy. If that was the case, everyone would have it. But you’re a Bawse and you need to start acting, talking, and walking like one. The next time you walk into a room, just remember one thing: be Santa. Why? Because he always has presents.
YOU’RE IN A FIGHT with your partner and you’re texting back and forth. You’re sending paragraphs upon paragraphs and you’re fuming. You know exactly why you’re mad and you think your feelings are completely justified. You receive a reply and start banging away at the keyboard with your own response. Before pressing send, you pause and think, “Wait, is this response okay?” You run your response by your friend just to make sure. Is this wording okay? What about this emoji? Is it too much or too little? I used to do this a lot. My camera roll was full of conversation screenshots until I learned one important lesson, and that is: say what you mean. If you say what you mean, you don’t need someone to edit your words. Your feelings are authentic to you and therefore don’t need revision.
There’s great beauty in speaking in straight lines. I currently live in L.A., and in my opinion L.A. is the land of empty words. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here. There are palm trees and vegetarian food options for days. But I’ve found that the social norm is to just say whatever sounds good. I’ll have a five-minute conversation with a stranger, and they will end the conversation with “Love you!” I can literally go out for dinner with someone once and they will text me a few days later saying, “Miss ya!” How can you love me if you don’t know me? And how can you miss me if you don’t know what it’s really like to spend time with me? I get that “love you” and “miss you” sound friendly and polite, but what’s polite about lying?
The same idea applies when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while and they end the conversation with “Let’s grab a coffee soon. I’ll text you!” We both know I’m never getting that text, but it sounds polite to say it. However, it’s actually not polite because it’s not sincere. A Bawse doesn’t make empty gestures; a Bawse says what they actually mean. A better response would be “It was really nice seeing you. Hope I run into you again.” That sounds just as polite, but it’s not filled with fake fluff.
Communication should be relatively easy, but we often make things complicated by not saying what we mean. We convince ourselves that we need to sugarcoat things to such a degree that our actual message ends up buried in sprinkles. Or we beat around the bush and people have to solve a puzzle to understand what we’re saying. I believe you can be both charming and straightforward. I was at a party once and across the room from me was an incredibly handsome man. I kept catching myself staring at him and thinking, “OMG, my girlfriends back in Toronto would absolutely die if they saw this beautiful man.” Instead of stalking him the whole night or orchestrating a forced conversation with him, I approached him and told him exactly what was on my mind. Well, almost exactly what was on my mind (meow). I said, “Hey, my name is Lilly and this is going to sound a little weird, but I have a girls’ chat group with my friends back in Toronto and I think they would find great joy in seeing a picture of you. Do you mind taking a picture with me so I can show them how incredibly hot you are? If you don’t mind, that is!” He laughed and happily agreed (duh).