How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(46)

After a few minutes of him pitching the company to me (due to my curveball), he finally asked, “What do you want to achieve?” To this I responded with complete honesty. I said, “World domination,” with a straight face. After a beat—you know, for dramatic effect—I began to elaborate on everything I wanted to accomplish. There was so much presence in the room that the past and future started feeling insecure.

The meeting finished, we shook hands, and I went on with my day. Shortly after, the head of the digital department emailed me to tell me that Michael had said, “She’s an absolute star. Let’s make sure we get it right.” Turns out that Michael was impressed by our meeting and gave his blessing to sign me. Later that week I signed with Studio 71, and we’ve had a great relationship ever since. I work hard for them and they work hard for me.

First impressions are important, but they aren’t the only times you’ll need to demonstrate your Bawse presence. Below are guidelines on how to not only make a great first impression but also impress people beyond that first encounter:





SMILE FOR A REASON


We’ve been trained to smile on demand when we meet someone new. It’s the polite and expected thing to do. However, a Bawse doesn’t just smile because they’re supposed to. That wouldn’t be genuine. To have true presence, smile for a reason. Smile when you hear someone’s name, smile when they tell you what they do, and smile when they tell you how they know your friend. I’m not suggesting that you stare at someone blankly when you first meet them, but don’t show off your pearly whites right away. Smile in response to meeting someone new based on something they do or say, not just because it’s the conventional thing to do. And give yourself bonus points if you smile while repeating someone’s name after you meet them. This gesture acknowledges that you are happy to have met this specific person and you aren’t just going through the motions.





LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND


We often listen to people talk so that we can respond to what they’re saying and NOT because we want to understand what they’re saying. Instead of thinking of a response while someone is speaking, pause and focus on what they are actually telling you. Really think about it. Then engage and ask questions to further understand and continue the conversation. Being present means showing interest in what people have to say.

I learned the importance of showing interest from my friend Bridgit Mendler. The first time I met her was during my trip to Kenya in 2016, and I quickly noticed how engaged she was with other people. When I told her about my recent musical project, she didn’t change the topic to her projects or music, despite the fact that she’s a singer herself. Instead, she listened to me talk about my song and then asked me questions about it: So, do you plan to release an album? Where can I find it? How much music do you have out? When I replied, she would think about what I said and then continued to engage me on a deeper level. I left our conversation feeling super-special and remembering every detail of what we talked about. Being a good listener and a great conversationalist is key to having true presence.



DON’T BE ROBOTIC

Just as you’ve been trained to smile when meeting someone new, you’ve also been programmed to speak a certain way. When someone asks, “How are you?” you will likely say, “Good. How are you?” But are you really good? Is that truly an accurate reflection of how you’re feeling? If you want to have great presence, mean what you say. You’ll make much more of an impression if you say, “You know what, I’m actually pretty good. I woke up feeling a bit under the weather but this party has cured me. What about you?” It sounds more interesting and it may even spark conversation. Maybe even tell this person how many times you threw up this morning because you were hungover. Or maybe not.





LIVE IN THE MOMENT


The best way to have presence is to be present (MIND = BLOWN). This means that when you’re at an event or talking to someone, be there entirely. Don’t constantly check your phone or be thinking about something else. Instead, take in your surroundings, meet new people, be interested in what’s going on, and absorb the energy of the room. Not only will you probably have a better time, but you’ll appear more approachable. No one wants to approach someone who is scrolling through Instagram stalking their ex.

TIP: Before you enter a room, commit to being present by saying a simple sentence like, “For the next sixty minutes, I am entirely here and nowhere else.”





BE CONFIDENT


It’s no secret that a big part of having great presence is being confident. Confidence is one of those things that is easy to talk about but is sometimes difficult to have. Don’t worry, I got you! Below are a few ways to boost your confidence and let it shine:

DRESS COMFORTABLY Regardless of what everyone else is wearing and what magazines say you should wear, dress in a way that makes you feel awesome. If ripped jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt make you feel beautiful and confident, then wear that outfit. Alternatively, if high heels and a miniskirt make you feel wonderful, wear that instead. It’s all about how you feel in the clothes you wear. If you’re uncomfortable in your clothes, you likely won’t be confident, no matter how impressive the brands you’re wearing. So try your outfit on, move around, and feel it out. If you’re constantly pulling up your pants to hide your butt crack, you should probably change.