How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(20)
To be a Bawse, you need to get down on one knee, propose to your decisions, and commit to them for a lifetime. That’s what your decisions deserve—100 percent. Not 90 percent, 80 percent, or, like your iPhone twenty minutes after you wake up, 30 percent. It’s all or nothing, baby!
Honesty Hour
List four times you gave only 70 percent toward a task and it showed.
IF I HAD A DOLLAR for every time I was tempted to hang out with my friends instead of doing work, I’d have a yacht made of gold. In fact, I’d be so rich that my yacht would have a yacht for when it wants to take a break. That’s right. I’d be so rich that my yacht would be a human with needs. #YachtGoals
The point is, I get it and I’ve been there. You have work to do and your friends are all going out, about to have the time of their lives. You’ll be at your desk reviewing documents and they’ll probably be out winning the lottery and taking cute pictures with perfect lighting; to be honest, they’ll probably run into Katy Perry and do fireworks together. Or at least that’s what your brain is convincing you will happen. Do you hear that? It’s FOMO knocking on your door.
For all you unhip elderly folk who don’t know what FOMO is, get with the times! In other words, Google it like I did and pretend you knew the meaning all along. Duh. FOMO is the fear of missing out, and it’s a crucial obstacle to overcome on the road to success. FOMO is not only strong enough to encourage you to stop working but also sly enough to convince you that you’ve got your priorities all wrong. It’s that voice that says, “You’re going to miss out on life for a good grade? That’s stupid! School is a ridiculous institution. Maybe you shouldn’t believe in the system! YEAH! EFF THE SYSTEM.” The next thing you know you’re wearing a tie-dye shirt and using words like “rad,” all because you wanted to go to the movies instead of write an essay.
Temptations to slack off will always be there, and that will never change. What has to change is your ability to deal with temptation. To be successful, you need to be able to look FOMO in the eyes and say NO. In response, FOMO will stand there, pout, and throw a temper tantrum, but you have to be strong and hold your ground. The only way to overcome FOMO is to recognize that the joy of accomplishing goals is much greater than the disappointment of missing out on a little fun. Parties are fun in the short term, but fulfilling your goals will bring you greater happiness in the long term. Also, there’s probably a line to use the bathroom at the party, and who the hell wants to hold in their pee only to hover over a disgusting toilet seat? Eff that. You’d rather get some work done. Plus, no one can hold the hover for that long. LET’S BE REAL.
If we’re honest, though, that’s easy to say and hard to do. I know this because I had my biggest battle with FOMO in quite a surreal setting. Let me paint you a picture. Midway through my world tour, YouTube flew my dancers and me out to L.A. so I could continue working on my show and work on their marketing campaign at the same time. Eleven of my friends and I stayed in a Hollywood Hills mansion stocked with junk food, alcohol, a pool table, and a shuffleboard court, along with a stunning view. It was like a reality show, except with values and morals.
The YouTube campaign was one that would put my face on billboards, streetcars, taxicabs, and bus shelters, and even in Times Square. New York! I had been waiting ages to be selected for this, especially since the deal had fallen through the year before. Needless to say, I was excited about this accomplishment, and my panties were in several knots. The campaign required a few days of shooting during which I had to get up at ungodly hours of the morning. Apparently there’s a time called 6:00 A.M.? Riding the high of my excitement and gratitude, I was happy to sacrifice my love of sleep—that is, until …
’Twas the night before shooting, and all through the house,
Vodka and soda were stirring, mixed drinks to the mouth.
My friends all having fun, that’s what I could hear—
Music blasting, girls laughing, the sound of their cheers.
I was still awake, all stressed in my bed
As visions of FOMO danced in my head …
Okay, I have to stop there because I don’t actually know the rest of that poem. I think Santa eventually shows up, but honestly, it could be a cliffhanger where the kids are actually Jewish and Santa is a lie.
Anyway, there I was, lying in bed at 10:00 P.M. trying to be responsible and resting for my 6:00 A.M. wake-up call, and all I could hear were the sounds of pure joy below me. It sounded like my friends were having the best night of their entire lives. Music. Dancing. Jokes. Maybe even a bear, I’m not sure. OMG. If Winnie the Pooh is here partying with them THIS ONE TIME I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP EARLY, I’m going to be so pissed.
In the moment, my brain was convincing me that this party was the be-all and end-all of all parties and that my decision to go to sleep early was preposterous. I remember lying there reevaluating my entire life and thinking, “Is this the type of career you want? You’re missing this once-in-a-lifetime fun for work? And probably your only chance of ever meeting Winnie?”
I had two options: (1) rip off my blanket, speed down the stairs doing the running man, and grab two beers to catch up, or (2) shut up, close my eyes, and go to sleep so I could perform well the next day. I’m proud to say I chose the latter. But it wasn’t easy. I put a pillow over my face and forced myself to go to sleep while envisioning myself on a billboard in Times Square. My FOMO was conquered for one night, but I still had two nights to go. FOMO is like that annoying computer update that you ignore but it comes back the next night trying to get your attention all over again. It’s a constant test, and it’s one every Bawse needs to learn how to pass.