How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(17)
Since that camp, I have become a lot better at pausing and reflecting. Here are a couple ways I do it:
MEDITATE
Whenever I tell people I meditate, they assume I wake up at 5:00 A.M. every day, put my legs behind my head, recite hymns, and bathe with flowers. No. Five in the morning? Are you kidding me? That’s when I sleep. Also, if I could put my legs behind my head, well, my love life would be a lot different. I don’t know how to meditate in accordance with any textbook, religion, or culture, nor do I do it every day. I’ve made up my own version of meditation that works for me, and I encourage you to do the same. I do it when I’m feeling stressed, tired, upset, or ungrateful, or when I have any other negative emotion that I’m trying to defuse.
Here’s what I do: I sit on the floor, cross-legged, in a quiet place. I find somewhere that is away from any noise or other people, somewhere shut off, like a closet or small bedroom. I light a candle and place it on the floor in front of me. I use a candle labeled “positive energy,” but I can’t say for sure that it really does anything. (I’m easily sold by wonderful marketing. There’s no shame in my game.) With my eyes closed, I take a few deep breaths and slowly smile as genuinely as I possibly can. I’m not smiling for a camera or for someone else, but because I’m alone and I can be alone with my smile. Then I whisper things to myself. I talk about what’s bothering me, what I want to achieve, how I want my day to go, what I want to improve, or what I’m scared of. Whatever I end up saying, I always end my meditation practice in the same way: I remind myself of all the amazing things I have AND that I am my own best advocate.
Why do I do this? One, because it genuinely calms me down and makes me feel better, and two, because in a day that’s so go-go-go, I want to pay attention to my feelings and not just dismiss them. If I’m feeling upset, I deserve to take a few moments for myself. I’m pausing so I can remember that I enjoy the experience of hustling, which therefore allows me to continue hustling. There have been many times when I’ve felt the need to meditate but my schedule didn’t allow for it. When that happens, I kindly request a fifteen-minute pause so I can get my energy in the right place. That’s not selfish. That pause is beneficial to me and everyone else who is relying on me to be efficient and productive.
DISCONNECT
It used to be that when people would accomplish something amazing, they would enjoy the moment and celebrate with friends and family. Today when you accomplish something great, it’s a failure unless you capture it on Snapchat (bonus points if you’re using the puppy filter!). That’s wack. As someone who has a career built around social media, I love capturing big moments and I encourage you to do so as well. BUT not at the expense of enjoying the moment in real time. When you are experiencing something exciting, beautiful, or rewarding, try to disconnect and just take the moment in. For example, when you go to a concert, as soon as the lights go down, everyone pulls out their phone. Why? You have three hours to take a picture or capture a video; why would you choose this very first moment to do so? Why not embrace the moment? View it through your own eyes instead of a screen. Then, during a slow song, when your panties are in less of a bunch, take a picture and satisfy that craving.
Now, when I experience something amazing, I pause and try to be in the moment. During my last trip to Singapore, I was alone, sitting by the famous Marina Bay Sands infinity pool, which is essentially a giant floating pool high up in the sky. I took a picture, vlogged a little, and then put all my electronics away. I climbed into the pool, positioned myself at the edge, and spent twenty minutes staring out at the cityscape, admiring its beauty. During those twenty minutes I thanked God for the opportunity, I looked at each building, I appreciated the cuteness of the family swimming to the right of me, I thought about my incredible career, and I felt the water against my skin. In that moment, I was totally present. I was nowhere else except that pool. That twenty-minute pause gave me the fuel I needed to keep going in the weeks to come.
When I meet people I admire, I take ten minutes out of my day to think about the meeting, smile about it, and fangirl. If I win an award, I will go through the rounds of speeches, media, and celebrations, but then I will sit by myself and hold the trophy for a few minutes in silence. If I want to continue working as hard as possible, I need to FEEL and truly EXPERIENCE the fruits of my labor. Inspiration fuels the hustle, and what better inspiration than enjoying the results of your hard work? Don’t cheat yourself by blazing through your life. Reflection is necessary and should be on your to-do list.
Life is like one giant YouTube video: it’s amazing to experience, but when too many things are happening at once, you begin to lag. You try waiting it out, but sure enough, the lagging just gets worse and worse. Now you’re just frozen. You are Elsa. That’s not enjoyable for anyone, especially not you. So what do you do? Pause the video and regroup. Once you’ve had a moment to load up, press play again, and see how much your quality has improved. That pause in your life is your responsibility. So press pause every once in a while and savor the moment.
OUT OF THE BLUE
2009 I hate this feeling. I hate it so much because it doesn’t even feel like a feeling anymore; it just feels like who I am. I’m this broken human sitting on the floor in her basement. At this same moment, other people are probably having dinner, traveling with their loved ones, reading a great book, or laughing with their best friends. I bet they’re all doing something amazing. But not me. Instead I’m curled up in a ball, leaning against the bar in my basement, with my face in my hands. I can’t stop crying. I can’t control my breathing. I’m powerless against the whirlwind of negative thoughts and angry voices that are constantly assaulting me.