How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(12)

BEHAVIOR:



I surround myself with colors and positive quotes.



LAYER 1: WHAT I TELL OTHER PEOPLE



I’m a unicorn that loves to be happy!



LAYER 2: WHAT I TELL MYSELF



I love myself and want to be happy. I want to surround myself with things that make me feel good so I can be my best self.



LAYER 3: THE REAL REASON



I know what it feels like to be sad and I’m terrified to feel that way again. I need to take every measure to ensure that I’m in a good place as often as possible.



Addressing your inner issues not only is a liberating experience but also allows you to begin creating meaningful solutions. In the above example, it was only after I discovered layer three that I was able to address the issue honestly. If I have a deep-rooted FEAR of sadness and I feel like I NEED to always be happy, the surface solution is to surround myself with fluffy quotes. But the real solution is to become comfortable with all my emotions, whether they are positive or negative. This realization helped me learn how to love myself and my life even when I’m sad. It taught me that it’s okay to be sad and that one bad day doesn’t equal full-fledged depression. Over time, I’ve learned to associate sadness with emotional growth and awareness instead of terror. This wouldn’t have been possible if I kept eating the whipped cream off the tiramisu and throwing the rest away. Eat all your dessert, kids!

A lot of times we’re scared to address our inner issues because we don’t think we’ll find a way to fix them. Sometimes solutions can be found with just a little time, effort, and creativity. But at other times our fear is absolutely valid because there isn’t a solution. I’m not naive enough to think that every deep-rooted issue is solvable, but perhaps the only solution is to simply be self-aware. If there’s a leaky faucet in your soul that you’ve tried over and over again to fix but you simply cannot, buy a bucket, warn people about the leak, and be prepared to get a little wet. After all, none of us are perfect.

For example, I know loyalty is a huge issue for me. I’ve done the tiramisu analysis and there are several reasons why I have a hard time forgiving dishonesty. I’ve made many efforts to fix this issue, and although I’ve progressed a little, I still struggle with it. As a result, whenever I get into a relationship, I openly tell the other person that I simply CANNOT forgive someone who is not loyal. It’s not that I don’t WANT TO; I simply don’t know how to. That way, if disloyalty becomes an issue, no one is surprised by how I’ll react. At least when my issues are out in the open, they can be discussed and taken into account. That’s my bucket for a leaky faucet.

Understanding yourself and why you are the way you are requires complete honesty. So pull out your magnifying glass and take a look at the molecules that make up your unique existence. You’re like Sherlock Holmes and this is your most important investigation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I spilled another drink on my carpet and need to buy a cactus.




Try It

Why do you work hard? Or why do you not work hard? Dig deep and discover your layers.





SELF-CONTROL is one of the most important muscles a Bawse can have. Just like any other muscle in your body, self-control needs to be worked if it’s going to get stronger. Unfortunately, there are probably so many other things you would rather do than work your self-cont—Hold on, what’s this notification? OMG, stop it. Sorry, one sec. My friend just posted an engagement picture on Facebook and I’m experiencing all the bittersweet feels. When did this even happen?! The last time I hung out with her, her ringtone was “Single Ladies.” Oh look, there’s an albu—Wait, “10 Things Successful People Do Every Day.” Let me check out this BuzzFeed article real quick. It says I won’t believe number four! What’s number four? SHOW ME NUMBER FOUR.

three hours later

As I was saying, it’s important to exercise self-control if you want to complete tasks. But let’s be real—that’s easier said than done. How do you obtain self-control? And how do you continue to work it and make it stronger? After all, there’s a lot of temptation out there to distract you from doing your work, and it’s easier to give in to temptation than to fight it. Well, you have to create a workout plan that’s right for you.

Here are three exercises to help build your self-control.





SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF


If you have to get something done, there are several ways you can set goals for yourself. One way is to create a schedule and try completing a task by a certain time. For example, when writing this book, each time I’d start writing, I’d give myself x amount of time to finish a chapter. Then I’d try my best to not only meet but beat that goal. If I finished five minutes before my goal, I would allow myself to spend those five minutes doing whatever I wanted to do. Five minutes of dancing to old-school Bollywood music in my sports bra before starting the next chapter? Don’t mind if I do! (Also, sorry neighbors!) I would only be allowed to do this leisure activity if I beat my goal. The more time I beat it by, the more time I had for dancing.

Another way to set a goal is to tell yourself you’ll finish x amount of tasks before you’re done working for the day. For example, when I’m sorting through the Superwoman inbox (it’s like quicksand in there), I’ll tell myself that I can take a break after sorting through 200 emails.