How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(8)

The result was a very efficient shoot. Yes, people got yelled at, including me (by Humble, and vice versa), but no one’s feelings were hurt. We were lucky to have a team of people who were able to put their emotions to the side for the day, but that’s not always the case.

While I was on tour last year, I faced some very stressful situations. Sometimes, just moments before a show, a costume would go missing, a dancer wasn’t ready, or, better yet, my earpiece would stop working. Before one show, one of my crew members got frustrated and started crying because she couldn’t access a dressing room. When anyone would try to help she would brush them off and say she was “fine,” which she was clearly not. In a situation where fourteen other people are relying on you to do your part and get work done, emotions are the last thing you want to display. Not only does it create a negative energy, but it also affects your work.

“WHEN YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HUSTLE ON, BE DRIVEN BY GOALS, NOT EMOTIONS.

Now, you might be thinking that I sound like a total jerk, and that’s fair. Humans have emotions and they cannot always control them. The thing is, I am not suggesting that you become mechanical and turn off your heart. I am suggesting that you train your brain to focus less on feelings and more on productivity when things need to get done. When you need to get your hustle on, be driven by goals, not emotions. When you’re working with a group and feel any type of negative emotion, ask yourself, “Does this emotion help get the task done?” If not, then put it away. Sometimes we get angry or annoyed at people we’re working with, and so we retaliate. Ask yourself again, does retaliation help get the task done? It’s a hard pill to swallow, but in the battle between pride versus productivity, sometimes you need to let your pride lose. It’s not about rights and wrongs when you have two hours left to capture four more hours of footage; it’s about getting it done.

“MAKE EVERY STRUGGLE COUNT AND REMEMBER THAT EXPERIENCE WILL ALWAYS BE A SILVER LINING.

A perfect example of someone who has a handle on their emotions when it counts is my day-to-day manager, Kyle. He’s a recent member of my team and hopefully, by the time you’re reading this, he’s still kicking it with me and hasn’t left me to become president of the world (which is very possible). Don’t get it twisted—Kyle is very emotional. In fact, on our trip to Kenya, he was the first to cry during our nightly reflections. Twice. But when it comes to work, Kyle is great at putting his emotions and pride away and getting the job done. When there is some miscommunication within my team that results in a mistake, Kyle will apologize even if it’s not his fault. There have been many times when an issue has had nothing to do with Kyle, but he recognized the stress it brought to me and apologized anyway while he helped figure out a solution. He recognizes that reducing my stress allows me to be my best creative self, which is beneficial to everyone on the team. Productivity over pride. Elevation over ego.

If you’re in a situation where you’ve completed a task successfully and still feel uncomfortable with the way someone treated or talked to you, then by all means communicate it to them. No one is asking you to be a doormat. You should be comfortable telling people how you’d like to be treated. Just don’t have this conversation in the middle of a chaotic work situation. Can you imagine an entire crew running around, paperwork flying everywhere, seven people yelling how much time we have left, and, in the middle of all that, having someone approach you and say, “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel right now”? This is not Full House. Do not cue the sentimental music. There’s a time and a place.

From a professional standpoint, we’ve established it’s best not to let your inner emojis affect your productivity, but what about from a personal standpoint? In this case, we can be a little more lenient because no one is relying on you to get work done, except you (and maybe your parents, if you live at home). Do I believe you should have fewer emotions when dealing with personal struggles? Well, yes … and no. No, because emotions need to be felt and it’s not healthy to bottle up pain. I believe in crying your eyes out instead of having pent-up anger. But, I’d also argue that, yes, having TOO many emotions can blind us to the life lessons we could be learning when things fall apart.

Basically, I believe in getting hurt efficiently.

This means that I thoroughly believe in crying, yelling, pulling my hair out, and experiencing heartache, BUT once I’m done I dissect the pain and learn lessons from it. Heartache is never going to go away and every person will continue to experience it. Not learning anything from pain because you are too overwhelmed with emotion is inefficient, especially since you’ll continue to encounter pain in life. When you get hurt, use that hurt as body armor for future battles. That doesn’t mean close yourself off and turn into an ice queen (or king); it simply means you should reason with yourself and try to remember that getting hurt today makes you more resilient tomorrow. Pain is good. Heartache is good. These things provide you with knowledge that will help you grow and deal with future struggles. To waste a painful moment and let emotion overwhelm you so much that you gain absolutely no insight is to get hurt inefficiently. Make every struggle count and remember that experience will always be a silver lining.

There are so many reasons to get emotional in life. Phoebe and Joey didn’t end up together in the series finale of Friends. During his speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, Drake admitted to being in love with Rihanna since he was twenty-two. He was twenty-nine when he said those words. That’s seven years in the friend zone. The original yellow Power Ranger no longer walks this earth. Three iPhone releases from now, Apple will yet again change the shape of the charging port and we’ll all cave and buy new accessories. If you want to cry over every mildly upsetting thing to ever occur in your spare time, feel free (although that sounds exhausting). When it comes to getting work done and having the opportunity to learn lessons, don’t let your emotions rob you.