How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(6)

Long story short, if you’re selectively secretive, you might become a queen, have dragons, and get to sleep with a very sexy man named Khal Drogo who rides a horse.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Your life isn’t Game of Thrones and your skill set might not include being the Mother of Dragons (though being really good at Pokémon Go is still pretty cool). Trust me, I get it. At least once a week I get pissed that I don’t have dragons. Nor am I suggesting that tolerating abuse is necessary to succeed. What I’m saying is you must think of yourself as a powerful fort. That’s how you should view your mind, body, and spirit. You should know all the entrances and secret passageways of your fort, aka your strengths, weaknesses, fears, etc. Feel free to welcome people into your fort for banquets or balls or whatever other fancy party you might have. But the more you tell people about your fort, the more information you reveal about the secret passageways, the weaker your fort becomes and the easier it is for people to attack you. The lesson being: don’t give away all your secrets or reveal all your vulnerabilities. Don’t trick yourself into believing that you are obligated to share everything with everyone. It’s up to you to decide what to reveal and when.

Wow. I guess you were right, Mom. About this, and about me not putting music on your iPod.

I’ll do it later. Promise.





SOMEONE SMART ONCE SAID, “Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.” To be honest, I don’t know who said it, so let’s just pretend I am that smart person. I said it. Yay me!

(It was actually said by Robert G. Allen, bestselling author, but whatever!)

Being uncomfortable is usually considered a bad thing. When you think of the word “discomfort,” you might think of, say, a crowded elevator full of sweaty people, or you might picture a creepy guy who keeps smirking at you from across the room. Or maybe you’re watching TV with your parents and Nicki Minaj’s music video for “Anaconda” starts playing. Uncomfortable! (Also, why is there a gym in the jungle?)

However, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations is CRUCIAL to developing new skills and gaining valuable experience. I know Drake told you he went from “0 to 100 real quick,” but I promise you he went from 0 to 1 to 2 to 2.2 to 3. It was only after he put himself in a lot of uncomfortable situations that he finally hit 100. In fact, early in his career, Drake got booed off the stage in his hometown. (Sounds pretty uncomfortable. Also, who boos Drake?!)

I can confidently say that I’m skilled at making YouTube videos, and that’s only because I went through the horrifying experience of making my first ten videos. I had to go through the awkward process of figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Although it was terrifying, if I hadn’t made those first ten videos, I would never have been able to make the 500 videos that are online today and that now have over 1 billion views combined. It’s easy to look back and see how far I’ve come, but it’s harder to remember that I need to keep pushing myself. If I know that stepping outside my comfort zone helped me become a YouTube success, then why am I so scared to do it again when auditioning for film roles?

Well, I answered my own question: because it’s scary! And sitting in a tense room reciting lines to a complete stranger isn’t exactly a comfortable situation.

It’s times like these when you need to Bawse up. You have to seek out situations that make you uncomfortable and then throw yourself into them. That doesn’t mean risking your life by walking on the edge of a building—you don’t need to do everything that scares you or makes you uncomfortable. Instead, push yourself to do things that will help you reach your goal. And if your goal is to walk on the edge of a building, then dude, that’s rad as eff. (Also, you’re crazy and I want to send your mother an Edible Arrangements basket in sympathy.)

“YOU HAVE TO SEEK OUT SITUATIONS THAT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AND THEN THROW YOURSELF INTO THEM.

One of my goals is to act in movies. I haven’t been to acting school and I don’t have much experience on large film sets. So you can imagine my fear when my manager called to tell me I’d been asked to audition for a major role in a high-budget movie. I’d be lying if I said a little pee didn’t escape my body.

My initial instinct was to say “hell no” because I was terrified and, let’s be real, there was zero chance I would land that role. They would definitely want a more experienced and qualified actress to be part of such a huge franchise. I can’t say exactly which movie it was (shout-outs to my lawyer), so let’s just assume it’s a movie about battles that takes place in outer space. Yes, that one. Luckily for me, my schedule conflicted with the audition and I found an excuse not to go. What a lovely, comfortable situation.

Two weeks later my manager phoned me again to say the casting director wanted to book another audition time with me. Now, I’m not a big believer in fate, but when something comes your way twice, you can’t help but think Beyoncé, Kelly, and Michelle are in the air because “baby, that’s destiny.” I mustered up my courage and told them “sure,” sealing the deal on my uncomfortable demise.

The morning of the audition I sat down and had a talk with myself. I reminded myself that the first ten times I do anything, I’m horrible at it. BUT those first ten times are crucial in order for me to be successful the eleventh time (or a little better at it). It’s not about getting the role; it’s about doing the audition. And as long as I leave the audition without having spontaneously combusted, I will have succeeded.