Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(36)

A giant, flat-screened television mounted on the wall in front of his couch, paused on what looks like some kind of video game, with cords coming out of it and hooked up to a PlayStation resting on his coffee table in the middle of the room.

“So, this is where I tell you that I’m a huge dork,” Brent admits softly as I stare at his set-up. “I’m a twenty-nine-year-old man who spends most of his free time playing Fortnite with teenagers. I know, I know, I sounded like a complete jerk, screaming at them like that, but if you could only hear the shit that comes out of their mouths, your head would explode. Those little bastards are vicious. And they beat me every damn time. It’s pathetic.”

Laughter bubbles out of my mouth, and it takes everything in me not to pump my fists in the air and shout, “Thank you, Jesus!” I turn to face him and the butterflies are back, flopping around in my stomach when his hand still wrapped around mine gives me a gentle squeeze. It’s then that I notice he’s got a headset wrapped around his neck, which would explain why his voice was the only one I heard shouting through the door.

“You must think I am such a loser. I swear I don’t spend all my free time arguing with kids. I have other hobbies. I like to read, and I like movies, and I—”

“Go on a date with me,” I blurt.

I gasp when I realize what I just said and how easily it came out of my mouth. But he sounded so embarrassed and sweet, and I couldn’t let him keep going, thinking I was silently making fun of him or judging him or anything. I mean, I was judging him, but that was earlier, when I was younger and more na?ve. I really feel like I’ve grown as a person in the last few minutes.

“Okay,” Brent easily replies, with a crooked smile on his face showcasing a dimple in his cheek.

“Okay,” I repeat, with the biggest, goofiest smile on my face. “So, I’ll just go then and let you finish your game and your pizza.”

Even though I want to stand here holding his hand forever, I drop it as I start walking backward, our eyes locked together as I go. I feel like walking this way is starting to get awkward, but I’ve already committed to it, so I feel the need to see it through.

“So, I’ll just call you tomorrow and set up a time for our date then?” Brent asks as I continue to back away from him and out onto the porch.

“You betcha!”

I smartly reach out and hold onto the porch railing as I walk backward down the steps, not wanting to look away from Brent’s smiling face as I go, because I never, ever want to forget one single second of this moment, regardless of how silly I must look, and like I forgot what it’s like to have legs and feet.

“Talk to you tomorrow, Heidi,” Brent states, his eyes never leaving mine as he stands in his doorway and watches me walk backward the entire way back to my house.

I finally turn around when I can no longer see him, practically skipping up my own porch and letting myself into my house.

“Holy shit,” I mutter to myself as I close the door behind me and flop my back against it, feeling the need to use some colorful language during this momentous occasion.

I just asked Brent out, he said yes, and I didn’t die!

“Who knew a little cock would give me so much power?” I exclaim to my empty house.

Wow. That sounded much better in my head.





Chapter 18





Heidi’s Discount Erotica, Episode 6


“Welcome to Heidi’s Discount Erotica, do-do-do! I have a date tonight! I have a date tonight! I asked my neighbor out after a very confusing moment where I threw a pizza and contemplated calling the cops. It all worked out, and now I have a bona fide date with the man I’ve been crushing on for months. I feel so free. And so amazing. My entire body is practically buzzing with excitement, and I’m not nervous at all. Is this what it’s like to have confidence? I should have done this years ago. It’s outstanding!

“Okay, on to the good stuff. Buckle up, buttercups.

“‘His mouth is hot and wet on my clit and he continues the motion and pressure of his tongue as it circles me, realizing that if he changes up what he’s doing too quickly, the orgasm that’s hovering right there, waiting for me to fall over the edge into oblivion, will slip out of my reach. He pushes his fingers so deep inside me that I feel his knuckles pressing against the sensitive skin of my inner lips. My hips roll against his mouth, his tongue never slowing its assault on my clit, and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. When the tips of his fingers brush against my G-spot seconds later, the first wave of my orgasm washes over me. I squeeze my eyes closed, my fingers clutching his hair as my legs shake and my hips thrust frantically against his hand. I come against his lips and tongue, and he drinks me in, sucking down every last drop and prolonging my orgasm with little flicks of his tongue until my body feels like jelly.’

“And that, my friends, is how it’s done. Boom! Boo-yah! Mic-drop!”

*Thump, thump, thump

*Static, shuffling

“Sorry! I probably shouldn’t have actually dropped the mic. That was an excerpt from my good friend, Penelope Sharp. You should read her books. They’re hot and awesome.

“Woohoo! Heidi’s Discount Erotica, over and out!”





Chapter 19





“Holy shit!”