Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(39)

“No one’s ever really comfortable when they try something new, are they? I’ll get used to it.”

He studies me for a few seconds before speaking again.

“You know how when Hollywood does a remake of a movie, it’s never as good as the original?” he asks.

“Um, sure. They should never mess with the original,” I confirm.

His eyes soften as they stare into mine and he lowers his voice to almost a whisper.

“Well, I said yes to a date with the original Heidi. The adorable, funny, beautiful Heidi who measures so far above everyone else without even trying. If you did all of this for you, then I’m fully on board. We’ll toss that bookshelf in the back of my truck and have a great evening. But if you did any of this for me, it’s not necessary. I like you just the way you are.”

My eyes immediately fill with tears and I’m blinking so hard to keep them where they are that one of my pet eye spiders decides to dislodge itself from my lid, and it hangs right down in front of my eyeball like it’s trying to scurry its way down my cheek.

“My closet is filled with nothing but dresses a kindergarten teacher would wear. I’m not a kindergarten teacher anymore.” I sniffle.

“What kind of clothes did you wear before you were a kindergarten teacher?” he asks, his arms still wrapped firmly around me.

I let out a huge sigh.

“Kindergarten teacher clothes.”

We both share a laugh and I shake my head.

“I just want you to be comfortable when you’re with me,” he reiterates.

“I would be a lot more comfortable in one of my old dresses, with shoes that aren’t trying to kill me, and none of this gunk of my face that looks like a science experiment gone wrong,” I tell him, pulling out of his arms to peel the stupid false eyelashes off. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go change.”

Brent gives me a smile and a nod as I start to step away, thinking better of it when my legs shake like a baby deer learning how to walk. Brent jerks forward with his arms out to catch me again, but I smack my hands back onto the bookshelf before he can get to me. I quickly remove the death traps called shoes, flinging them to the side and letting out a sigh of relief when my bare feet are firmly planted on the ground.

“I’ll just be five minutes. I promise.”

“Take your time. We’ve got all night,” he replies as I start walking down the hall toward my bedroom, bringing the butterflies back to my stomach.

At least this time, they’re flapping around with excitement instead of nerves.

My mom and Aubrey told me I needed to get to know Brent, and right now, I think I know all I need to about him. He really is a sweet, amazing man, who seems to like me the way I am.

I just hope he still likes me if I happen to let some colorful words out. Now that I’ve let the shit, ass, and cock fly, there’s no reining them in.





Chapter 20





My initial idea for my date with Brent was to take him to a club. Which is partly why I dressed like a two-dollar hooker who did her makeup in a dark closet. Upside down. If the dark closet was on a bumpy rollercoaster going seventy-five miles per hour. I knew Sexy Heidi wouldn’t be appropriate for polka dancing at the American Legion, but I figured she’d be right in her element going clubbing.

Do people still call it clubbing or is that not cool anymore? Dance club? Discotheque? Roadhouse?

Since I’m not cool enough to know the answer to that, I had to come up with another idea fast. Something more Original Heidi. Which is why Brent and I are currently on our way to Lola’s Lakehouse, one of my favorite restaurants, and only a fifteen-minute walk down the hill from where we live.

With a waterfront deck that runs the entire length of the building, the restaurant overlooks Lake Waconia. Living in the Midwest with all the farmland and flatland, coming to a place like Lola’s makes you feel like you’re on vacation. It’s almost like you forget you live in a small town that most people would call boring, where the air hurts your face in the winter. My family comes to Lola’s to celebrate every special occasion from birthdays and engagements to my dad’s bowling team coming in first place.

As soon as I suggested walking to Lola’s, Brent grabbed my hand and pulled it up inside the crook of his bent elbow, resting his hand on top of mine to keep it in place, and he hasn’t let go since.

“I’m really glad you picked the unicorn dress. That one’s my favorite,” Brent tells me as we walk at a leisurely pace.

I can feel my cheeks flush and I stare at my feet with a huge grin on my face as we get to the bottom of the hill that will take us to the lakefront.

My teal and purple cotton unicorn dress with a scooped neck and capped sleeves is form fitting down to my waist, with a full flowing skirt that stops right above my knees. It’s bright and cute and totally original Heidi. As is my face. I washed it completely clean of all the gunk then dusted it with powder, some blush, and cherry lip-gloss—the only make-up I own. There wasn’t much I could do about my hair that I over-curled, over-teased, and over-hair-sprayed—because that’s the only way I assumed women who wanted to look sexy did their hair—other than brush it all out and throw the long black tresses into a high ponytail, also from the Original Heidi collection. I didn’t use the scrunchie that matched my dress though. But only because I couldn’t find it.